For love or friendship?

  • The Sagitarius man and I met through a special interest group. There was no chemistry with him at first sight. I saw him a few times later. Still I was not attracted to him nor find his conversation intellectually stimulating. Three months after we met, I had a bum knee and had to walk on crutches for two months. I was down, depressed and locked myself at home to heal. He became a true friend to me. He called weekly to check on my pain, taking time out of his busy schedule to help with my physical therapy even though he has to work the next day. Then one day he was in the ER for a suspicious chest pain. I quickly rushed to be by his side until 3 am in the morning. Everytime something bad happened to me, his presence or phone call would just be enough to bring me peace and I have done the same concerning the problems at his work and illness.

    I am 35 and he is 40, both never been married and currently not dating anyone. We even made a pact of being 'friends of virtues' with each other and it has been wonderful for what it is so far until recently I started to feel deep down that I truly care for him and suddenly find him amazingly handsome and fun to be with as his jokes makes me laugh really hard . Being Sagitarius he is unpredictable. Everything we do is always last minute but time just stands still when we are together. The events in both our live are crazily in sync. We were recruited and received new job offers at the same time. After three months, we both realized that it was not a good fit, so we are currently seeking for new job opportunities.

    So what are we missing? He never once said that he liked me or revealed his feelings. We have not held hands, hug or even kissed. But I have a deep sense of responsibility with this person and have the best intentions and interest in my heart for him. I have no doubt in my mind that he feels the same towards me. It suddenly dawns on me that this is "love and responsibility' from the late Pope John Paul II's inspiration. He is truly a Saint.

    How should I carry out my intentions if I wanted love from this person? Should I be really more patient and wait for his move or should I just make the first move and spill the beans first? What if he does not reciprocate this request? Am I going to lose his friendship? It suddenly occurs to me that although I have uncertainty about receiving his love, I am certain that I can provide that love to him. Supposedly, I start to shower him with attention and caring, would that scare him off especially if he has a commitment issue that I am not aware of? Maybe I should ask if whether or not he has fear of committing to a relationship first before getting carried away. It has been six months of knowing him I have been keeping this secret in my heart in those three months.

    But then again, he usually ends our conversations early. Either he has to sleep or has someone to meet. Could this be the signs of his fleeting commitment?

    Truly I must wait for my divine inspirations for guidance but feel free to post your comment.

  • You have got the makings of a great relationship here. I think you need to start the ball about next time you meet up, hug him on arrival and just give him a peck on the cheek then start chatting about whatever.....start being a bit more touchy feely if appropiate...a slight brush of the hand...being a bit flirtacious....see how he responds...when you say goodbye, however early, with enthusiasm thank him for a great time and kiss him on the cheek. Don't ask him about commitment issues.....just be spontaneous.....he may respond fully straightaway...or he may be taken aback at first,but not averse to your advances ....but if he looks distinctly horrified then you know that he may not be worth pursuing! My husband and I were friends like that for a while ....about 6 months...and one night I just pecked him on the cheek to thank him for walking me home and......well, it was worth it! We were both too shy to make the first move and sometimes all it needs is a subtle nudge! Go on, be brave!!

  • I think 40 and never been married is your clue that he has commitment issues!

  • Astrochen,

    First I want to make sure you know that I am not responding to criticize, hopefully some Sagittarius insight might help you out. I am a sag/scorp in a relationship with a scorp/sag

    Although there is some “good” advice posted here, be cautious. Bottom line; a Sagittarius cannot ever be placed in a situation to make them feel like their sense of independence may be compromised. I am not saying we can’t commit to a relationship, I am merely stating that our fear of ending up in a smothering relationship is a concern. Also, being too “touchy-feely” may not be a good idea. Intimacy is good, but it has a time and place. This concept goes back to the independence thing. One other important thing to mention if your current situation evolves into a full-blown relationship; if you are the type of person who needs constant reassurance , both verbal and physical, you will drive him nuts and he will walk away so fast it will make your head spin.

    My question for you is this, when you made the “friend” agreement did the subject of a possible relationship ever come up? I’m only asking because once guys have been given the rules in reference to any type of relationship with a woman, you are not allowed to change the rules. Guys in general don’t respond too well to that. So, if you two left the relationship thing open for future discussion then I recommend you tell him how you feel. We, Sagittarius, pride ourselves on being experts at communication. Best thing to do is talk to him, but, word of caution, don’t spill your guts that might freak him out completely. Chances are he probably feels the same way about you and might be waiting for you to bring up the subject. Bring it up as casual as you can without sounding like the feelings talked about in the discussion are going to result in him feeling pressured to make some type of commitment to you right away.

    Lastly, as far as “showering” him with attention and caring, not a good idea in my opinion. That will surely make him feel uncomfortable and might drive him away. He may get the wrong impression and feel like he is obligated to reciprocate what you are doing and that could make him not look forward to seeing you.

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