How do I cope with my16 year old
My 16 year old daughter moved out to live with her father 8 monthago. He gives her freedom and never checks up on her. She came home last night crying, she's pregnant. According to her I had to many rules, I made sure sh was where she said she'd be, obviously her father does not. I wouldn't allow her at her boyfriends because his mo is a drunk who thinks the kids need their privousy. Now I am faced witth the problem at hand. I've been sick since yesterday, I don't know what to do for her. I also hav a 22 month old child. I believe my older daughter should come home however I don't know how to move forward once she does. I feel like I''m falling off a building. I need advice, Please!
My heart goes out to you, it really does. Once your daughter comes home, carry on giving her your unconditional love....Be there for your daughter and unborn grandchild....offer assistance that is practical ...eg accompany her to her hospital visits, if she would like you too. Give her plenty of cuddles and try not to criticise her behaviour,her choice of "partner", or her father and his lack of rules. Yes, you are angry and she knows that....try and remain positive though....a happy mum to be produces a happy baby and your chance to be a doting grandparent...Your daughter has made a mistake but it need not spoil her life and a positive and forgiving outlook from you may make a lot of difference to all your lives, for the best. Don't forget your younger daughter, remain positive for her too....
ramonita last edited by
Great question! I have a fifthteen year old grandson on my hands, your daughter made her choices, and hopefully she will come to realize that the results were her doing! I know this is hard for you, and it is even harder, we have to sit down with our children and give them the crude picture of reality, kids now do not like rules, but rules, govern our lives for better or worst depending on our action, i repeat to my grandson every day, that the worst rules are in prison, and there you are force to stay until one time is up. my son has me raising his boys, my rules, have not change, from your words, i can see you wanted the very best for your daughter, right now i suggest you sit down with her and have a good talk about life, it is too late to change the events right now, but she still has a good chance for a good future, everyone makes mistakes,and hopefully, from this mistake, she will learn alot, having a child is a great responsibilty, what i have learn from raising kids, it is very hard for them, to admit, that their mistakes are thiers, as adults, we have learn alot and seen alot, and the sky is not pink , but we can make it pink, by the way, we live our lives, giving her spirtual food will really help alot,, remain postive, have faith, at all times, and handle the situation with extreme love, it is a great jou to be a grandparent, children are the most precious , The situation is hard for u, but in reality is harder for her, life has put her in a situation, that she will have to grow up fast, ! i wish u three the best of luck, and happiness, and pray that everything will work out great!~
Everything in life happens for a reason. This is my belief and my faith talking. First of all you have to make sure your daughter does everything within her power to have and take care of this baby. You already have a toddler and you certainly don't need anymore problems with children, as you will already face with another baby in the house. This child is very special and a gift from God. Sometimes we don't like the way God sends us gifts, but, trust me this will all be fine and turn out just right if you just ask for assistance from prayer and guide your daughter to be the best mother she can be.
An older friend of mine, who had six children, one of whom became pregnant at 16, told me that she finally decided she would rather know what her children were up to (no matter how painful) than not know. She realised that "nagging", "advising" and "disciplining" got her nowhere.
I decided to take this approach with my three sons (now 20, 18 and 15). I am not always happy about what they get up to, but at least they talk, openly, to me and I have been able to divert a lot of trouble that way.
Your daughter is obviously not happy with her situation, either. What she needs is understanding and support, and to know that you are there for her, no matter what. That way you can build up a relationship of trust and tolerance.
All the best.
What is done is done. The only thing that you can do at this point is to be supportive. I have four children with the oldest one 30. Right now your daughter needs the same thing as you, advice. The problem is that you have is to be a friend an not a mother. She is 16 in 2years she will be 18. You will not be able to tell her what to do then allmost like where you were at 8 months ago. Right now your daughter needs your love ,help an guidance. She will come to know you as a trusted friend an follow the advice that you give her. And as you go through tough times she will rely on your advice very heavily. Before you know it you will be mom again, but with no rules.
My heart goes out to you. Take a deep breath and then find someone that you can talk to and really pour your heart out to them. Then you need to draw the line there, it is done and moving forwards is the only way to go, even though it is going to be hard. ((( hug )))
Get her back home living with you - she will need the support that her dad isn't able to offer, but resist bad-mouthing dad to her/shouting at him (v. hard). Let her still visit him freely tho. I think a quick trawl of the web will give you some support groups that you could contact. These would be a good place to start I think. It will give you an idea of what help Social Services, DWP etc can offer your daughter. If she is still in school, you will need to let them know and find out what they can offer regarding further study (although it may be better to attend the local college as it is sure to have a creche and there will be less gossip/potential bullying).
It's not what you wished for your daughter, and probably not what she wished for either. However, it's happened and so go forward and make the best of it. Every cloud has a silver lining and I can think of nothing better than a grandchild!
Wishing you all the best. x
AnnaChiara - I raised my daughter the same way. She is a lovely young woman (14.5yrs) but yes, there are times when I just think 'Arghhhh!!!' :o$