Be inlove with a younger man, is it wrong??
Well this is my story, I'm 53y.o and married for 30 years in a very unhappy and unloving marriage. I stayed married only for my children' s sake. For the past 7 years my marriage went from bad 2 worse..my husband was going out by himself or with his mates and was telling me he did not want to go anywhere with me or to be with me in anyway...and if i wanted to go somewhere,i should go by myself and not to bother him. He was often gambling and didn't come home for 24h.and twice for 48h. He was sleeping in the spare room and telling me he didn't want to wake me up when he came early in the mornings. I was feeling really bad..depressed, lonely desperate, i didn't know what to do.Then middle 2007 i discover a chatting site and every time he was going out, i was chatting with people on the net. I found some kind of keeping myself away from the problems i had and i was enjoying chatting and making friends. Until i met a young man 30 y.o from overseas who was the only person i felt connected..like i knew him. We start a very strong friendship and when he told me that he will come 2 Australia, i couldn't believe it. When he arrived he was saying that his dream was to see me in person bcz he couldn't believe that people like me existed on this earth...and that he felt so strongly connected with me like he knew me from b4.Early February last year he told me that he was inlove with me and i was the woman he always wanted 2 find. At the start i thought that it couldn't be true..in my mind it was wrong...i fight it...i was telling myself that this is only friendship...can not be true that he loves me...i tried to tell him that this is wrong...that he is much younger than me and it wouldn't work for us,but he said that he knows how he feels and he has deep feelings he can't ignore and he wants me in his life.Month later we met and i was amazed the love he was showing to me...i never was treated like this from a man.I felt i was on top of the world. Anyway, more than a year now we build a very strong relationship..talking every day on the phone (he lives in a different state) 5 times i went to see him 2 times he came 2 see me..the last time he came he wanted to take me with him. We can not live without each other.He wants us to live together. We are inlove i know it now, it is real love. Anyway...I told my children about this man and i asked for a divorce from my husband but they make my life hell and try to convince me that is all wrong and they told me if i go with him i will loose THEM. Even when i told this man all these he said that he will come and live with me in my town or wherever i like as long we are together but it's my decision and he doesn't want me to loose my children bcz of him. I am in a big dilemma, is it wrong to find love in such difference of age?? is it wrong to be happy at last??Why i have to choose between my children and my happiness?? I'm afraid if i don't go soon i will loose my chance to be with the man i love. .He will give up on me at the end.Please, if someone could give me some advise it will be a big help for me!!!! Thanks
amethystmoon89 last edited by
I say go for it. You & I are close in age. I dated a very hot 29 year old who was wildly successful....huge house, many expensive cars etc. It was not true love, but fun.
Anyhoo....everything in life is a risk. You only have one chance for many things such as time with your kids. Now it is your chance for happiness after giving many years to others! Go for it with confidence and if it does not work out... so what. You will be stronger for the experience. Remember, when we die, the only regrets we have are the risks we did not take ESPECIALLY those in relationships.
I would say go for it. Its not wrong to fall for a younger man. I'm younger than my husband, although only a few years. Your children should feel pleased that you have found someone that makes you really happy....they are now grown up and have got their own lives to lead and have no right to meddle in yours! Do what you want, live with this other man where you both want to live...keep the lines of communication open with your children by inviting them to visit or regular telephone contact ...they will realise how petty they're being in the end if you are still your usual mumsy self just a lot happier one!!! As for your ex, start divorce proceedings yourself !
Myviewpoint last edited by
HOLD ON A MINUTE!!!!!! I can't disagree more with amethystmoon89. There is no decision to be made here, you have children and they always come first. Okay so you're in a loveless marriage and you feel trapped and unhappy, I'm sorry about that. The answer is not to abandone everyone else in your house so that you can feel happy. Your children will suffer far more that you are now if you leave them.
If you are really meant to be with this man then it will happen when the time is right. Don't risk loosing your family over someone you barely know. I've been where you are, and it is really hard to do the right thing, but if you don't you will pay for it for the rest of your life.
Here is an example of what I mean. Let's say you leave with this man, at first everything is great the relationship is new and you both are the happiest you have ever been. Now, lets skip forward a year, the reallity of life will set in and the grief of loosing your children will prevent any further happiness in the relationship with this new man. Age does not matter, but your children do. It is up to us as parents to live by example so our children grow up healthy and strong. If you abandon them beleive me you are giving them a fate worse than death.
Let this man go, you've only known him a short time, how can this short period in your life define the rest of your life. Stop it now before it's too late. I don't know what is wrong in your current marriage, but, you chose this man. Now you have to be an adult and stick to this decision at least until your children are gone (unless of course there is some kind of abuse going on in the house, in which case you have to get yourself and your children out of there).
I mean really what are the odds this young man can remain faithfull to you. Get serious here and stop fantisizing about what could be, it is just a fantasy, trust me I know, been there done that. You will feel good about yourself if you let this man go and work on your family. It will hurt at first, but important lessons always do. You will get through it in time. Please don't abandon your children, they will never get over it and it will have a huge negative impact on their lives as adults.
Oops I meant to say I'm older than my husband......!!!
I was under the impression that amethyst's children are grown up and not dependent on her. If they are young, ie under the age of 16 then she shouldn't abandon them either but if her marriage is in the state it is then whether she pursues this young man or not she still needs to part from her husband....and not stay married for the children's sake....an unhappy marriage breeds unhappiness in children. My ex was verbally abusive, very controlling and in the end he cheated....I stayed at first because I thought I was married and I made vows etc etc but I had enough when he cheated on me. Being a single parent was hard but my ex & I are happy with our new partners & the children are much happier, focused and better off than they would've been if I had waited until they've flown the nest.
PiscesPiggy last edited by
An unhappy marriage is also unhappy for the children - whatever age. If you are always arguing or not even talking to each other then this will rub off on the children. It is much better for everyone in the long run to be in a happy, friendly, loving environment.
I was with a woman 18 years older than me for 14 years, it can work but then the age does become an issue, not for the age per se but because interests change and emotion and a whole raft of other things. We just grew apart but had a lovely time for most of it. I am a Pisces Sag Sag, She was a Taurus and in the end she did not want to travel, go to restraunts or generally do out at all - she travelled for work, I did not and in the end I got fed up with always being the one to compromise.
I had many years of fun, enjoyment. Take it with a pinch of salt
I do have a verbally abusive husband and always arguing..even my sons telling him off and they all agree for the separation. My sons are 29,26,and23..so they not under age...they have they own life,not yet married but in relationships.The thing is that they still live in my house and I'm suppose to wait until they married..but when we arguing with my husband they say ..its better one of us to go. So i say i will go.. and then they support me only if i go and live by myself. Not with the other man..bcz he is so younger than me.. Then i get all these doubts in my head and the logic kicks in and the age, and the future, and what if, and whatever "myviewpoint" said..all of that and much more and i create problems with this man..i regret when i doubt him...i see how much i hurt him and ask him 2 forgive me..and try to explain that i doubt him bcz I'm in a lot of pressure..he always does but until when??? he said if we will spit up it will be only for my doubts..not from him.He wants 2 live a quiet normal life with the woman he loves.. (With NO PROBLEMS).... I DO have a big problem here.....i know that. The thing is..How am i going to solve it.. so everyone is happy at the end.
I forgot to say that i am a LEO and the man i love is AQUARIUS..Is that a good match??
PiscesPiggy last edited by
I would not jump out of one frying pan and into a fire, you will need space to find out what you want in life, your children are right to a point, initially you need the space to bring proper closure to a life you have and breathing space to find the new one.
Going from one intense relationship straight into another will in a majority of cases crash and burn. It is rebound, you only see that the new relationship is everything you don't have in your current one. Long term it is not necessarily what you want or need. If Aquarius loves you he will give you the space to find you. If it is just physical then he will not and just enjoy his company until your options open. I would find you as an individual and spend time discovering you before doing anything else.
Take care of yourself x
guidedogs last edited by
Dear Leo, I really empathise with your dilemma. I've been divorced for 20 years and had no kids - am currently in love with a man 15 years younger... but anyway, so age is irrelevant - my first point. Secondly; you are a grown woman who has been rejected by your husband for some time, which of course means that you've been feeling empty and unloved. It sounds to me that 'aquarius (and yes, perfect astro match) is supportive so if you are no longer in love with your husband and there's no room for counselling (have you broached these subjects to your husband?) then move on out... be on your own and allow space for this new man to enter! You can both 'date' and be individual identities falling in love. And then, if it isn't working, you must be prepared to accept that it was time to be on your own anyway. As for your sons; they are men and will always want to be nurtured, but if they love you - your wellbeing is a priority. Search your heart, listen to your intuition, seek counselling and trust your next moves as part of the next phase in your life. Be brave x good luck!
I would leave and live on your own, date this younger man and have a bit of breathing space where you can do what you want when you want. Have a bit of fun, you are entitled to it.
Aletria last edited by
You have had time to heal from your marriage while you were in this marriage.. your ex-husband abandoned you emotionally.. this man tells you he sleeps in the other room because he didn't wan t to wake you up.. bullcrap.. he didn't take your feelings into consideration while he was gambling or whatever.. second of all you never lose your family.. your children are grown.. then they should think like adults and not like society dictates.. they love you yes, well where were they while you ex was abusive to you? Was that OK?
I was in your shoes.. and now am in love with someone 28 years younger than me.. I am 65 he is 38.. it depends on the people involved.. age has little to do with it.. apparently he loves you to want to make a life with you and has demonstrated that by coming to see you etc.. yes, I know your self esteem is in the mud.. but I say to you things in life change sometimes and you either face things you don't.. you are a beautiful soul and deserve better than what you have settled for.. yes it almost took you down.. get up dust yourself off and be the person you were meant to be and live your life..
It's time for your children to grow up as well .. you brought them into the world yes, but they are just borrowed you don't own them.. they have their own lives to live and who knows, perhaps one day they will be in your situation now..
Best of everything to you dear lady..
CaseyJ last edited by
My mom is 56 now and i'm 36 and my three younger siblings are all grown with their own families as well, so i'm assuming your children are grown. If that's the case, don't worry about what they think. If you're not happy, you're not happy and they should understand your feelings. They may not agree but it's not their decision. You have to do what you feel in your heart and if you're kids are angry now, eventually they will come around.
My mom was in her early 30's and met a man almost 10 younger than her. I think they ended up being married for about nine years and were together 3 before that. They are no longer married but it went well for them while it lasted. All of us kids got along with him pretty good. So I would say go for it. It's always worth it to take a chance at true happiness.
j3d last edited by
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Thank you All for your support and advice...it helps a lot...THANK YOU
moondreams last edited by
Leo4ever, your life is as crazy as mine. First, I think you will do what YOU want no matter what anyone else says. Age should not be a consideration, unless he is from another generation. My second hubby, a Taurus, was verbally and emotionally abusive, I was married to him for 25 years, he liked his freedom, was not a family man, Sag rising and became an alcoholic.........he was 6 years younger than me. He married my ex-best friend 5 mos after I moved out and took very little. I am currently married to a Virgo, 9 years younger. My son is 22 and has a hard time with all of this but life is life. I am married for the first time even though he is my third marriage. Life is just not easy at all. Family means alot, especially in an old age.......children are usually happy when their mother is happy. Sorry I have no answers for you, it is your choice!
Alohalani last edited by
As I write this, at 50 years old, my 32 year old boyfriend sits behind me sipping coffee, urging me to reply.
He is European and visiting me here in America....we too met on line...and so far, it is an extremely healthy and happy relationship.
Is it wrong to be in love with a younger man? Of course not.
You dont mention the age of your children...I am going to assume they are not children. I have two teenage son's who are very fond of my new friend.
I feel your children should be happy for you...but if they refuse...what are you to do then? Live life alone and miserable as your children carry on with 'their' life....and always wondering...what if?
Yes, you are a mother, yes your children's happiness is important...but if they are adults, it is up to them to creat their own happiness. You deserve it too.
I wish you well.
myangle last edited by
No 1 how old are your children?
No 2 Are you comfortable being around others with this man?
No 3 where do you see yourself down the road with this man?
I could give you several answers but they would not excuse the fact that you are in love with this man. He has filled a void that has been lurking inside of you for a long time. No matter what you do or say you have to realistically take all of your feelings into perspective it;s one thing to like it for awhile and then throw it away like we do food. But, People and emotions don't just disappear. ok you have kids I hope girls how would you advise them. See its easier for men to date younger women. A woman they eat us alive. Know ur comfort zone love will cover any imperfections in the relationship. I say if you are happy and really ready May God Bless U
My sons are 29,26,and23 y.o..so they are adults...they have they own life,not yet married but in relationships.
To myangel, the answer to your No. 2 question: Yes, I'm fine being around others with him.I have no problem as i look at least 10 years younger than my age..(that's what others keep telling me) but it is a bit of his concern lately as some of his female friends saw us together and they did say something....(he never told me what was)and he was a bit concern about his community...etc..his male friends though r OK..even one of his best mates told me that he loves me so much and when he talks about me he seems so happy.. That's why he wants us to live somewhere far from his community and the rest of his friends who give us a bad look..and some stupid comments..Once i met one of his female friends in her 30s and she asked who i was... he said " My girlfriend " for a minute she didn't say anything...i think she was shocked. I tried to make a happy conversation and we become more comfortable with each other...but when i left back home he told me that she went and told the rest people in his community that he has an older girlfriend...and who knows what else.. That was just b4 new year..after that, he was a bit distanced every time i was calling him, so end of February i went to see him 2hrs by plane and return the same day only to tell me how all these effected him and he was really upset..and he suggested to be just friends. I agreed as i had problems with my family as well,so we left it there. But 2 days later he called me and asked if we at least talking on the phone..so we start talking and messaging again.Then one night he said that he couldn't stay away from me bcz he loves me, and he wants me in his life..so 12 days ago he traveled alone 1.400 km by car and came to see me for only 2 days. Only that, proves to me that he does love me. So why people don't leave us alone if we love each other?? His friends/community...my sons...why is so bad in the eyes of society if a woman is older than a man?