20 year Pisces ex messing up on second come back! Please help!

  • As it happens at times (never before to me) and ex boyfriend from 20 years ago (he was a fiancé actually and we dated for two years) returned...we have been in touch for the last two years and since March we started communicating every day on Skype for hours. At times we were exhausted but we both made the time to talk and see each other every day. I asked all the hard questions and we got to know each other as we are today. I am from another country and I am currently here visiting. In these conversations (he did, not me) he started projecting us moving in together, he made reservations to take me to different places, planned for me to help him arrange his apartment, made a bed for us, you name it, all out...I got here two weeks ago almost, we saw each other the first day and it was magical but awkward, our kids wanted to meet up and we did take them to the park and had a meal, and they got along great. We let a couple of days go by because it was intense and we talked about going slower...one thing was skype, now we were face to face and it was better to go slow if we didn't want to get overwhelmed, etc. We went to the movies last Wednesday and dinner. He was relaxed but was later uncomfortable and started pulling his busy schedule and how he wasn't really going to be able to see me in two weeks, sort of...I understood that but I still didn't think our communication should suffer but it did, he became every day more distant, pulling back big time, stopped calling me sweet things, everything...just a text message here and there. So since the weekend he was silent for two days and I let him be. I decided I would not call him or contact him unless he did first. He did, he has been calling me or texting, still distant but at least keeping in touch. He made plans to see me tomorrow and cancelled today and to see me Friday and he wants to fit me in like a Dr's appointment "I have an hour between this and this"...I am so mad!!! This is from the guy who told all his friends I am his girlfriend, the love of his life, blah, blah, now I am here and barely sees me! So here is my question: It has been a week of this, he gets defensive if I say that; he can be busy and still be sweet you know? What is going on? The solution I see is tell him to wait to see me until he is more relaxed (he is a filmmaker and he is busy shooting some stuff now with deadlines, but he was shooting a tv series two months straight and he still made time to see me every day, call, etc).

    So, here are my options...1) Give him one last chance to get together and see what he says and give him my point of view (although I suspect it will be to give me the boot!) 2) Or pretend nothing is going on and simply ignore his phone calls until he begs and reconsiders 3) Or disappear myself, obliterate him and not give him any more chances (after all he broke up with me 20 years ago, I thought he had changed, but he is showing some serious jerk traits he had back then). All advice is welcome...I am not mad at him for not seeing me, I am mad at him for not making time to see me after me coming to another country, I am considering returning here after 20 years. He said he wants to make sure he is not a factor in my decision and I have been doing all my networking on my own and with good prospects! So, all of you out there! I am open to suggestions. My question is: a) Is he trying to get his feelings back in check and the shock etc of us after 20 years? b) Or did he get disenchanted (I didn't live up to the fantasy) and discarded me after the first couple of days? Thank you all in advance, whoever feels like commenting...

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  • Mardepp, the truth is nobody lives up to a fantasy. Some men prefer fantasy to the reality and it's a good thing that you've spotted this tendency soon enough. Having said that, if you withdraw now, I wouldn't be surprised if later he came back, saying that he was overwhelmed and asking you to give him a second chance. If that happens, please make sure you get to know him really well as a person in case you would be tempted to give him that second chance. Chances are, he really is a flaky character.

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  • Why wouldn't you find an exuse and not go ? Don't give him the real reason, just treat him the way he treats you, invent some ridiculous pretext and see what his reaction will be.

  • Have you ever heard the saying you can never go back home? Sometimes it holds true for romances!

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