Needs advice on leading a virtuous Cancer life

  • Hi all, I'm new to this forum and I've come to seek your advice! I'm not really familiar with the etiquette here, but thanks for helping me out. I am a Gemini sun with Cancer Moon and Sagittarius rising. I've been having some troubles with coordinating Gemini and Cancer.

    At first Gemini + Cancer seems like a good combo. The lack of persistence and lack of deep emotions are perfectly made up for by Cancer. Cancer's reclusive and naggy impulses are curbed by the Gemini. The rising doesn't hurt social interactions either... or so I thought. It seems like I've inherited all the negative traits of both. Really drives me nuts!

    1. My Gemini side likes to interact with people and gets sad when there's nobody around. The Cancer side feels like it's awkward to just approach new people. I have no trouble interacting with people I know or I was introduced to (Cancer's security thing), but approaching new people feels like hard work. This trait kinda sucks but it's the next one that I'm really concerned about.

    2. My Cancer side tends to be highly emotional. I'm usually able to sense very minute change in one's attitude and/or situation. Being really defensive, my Cancer side asks my Gemini side to do some analysis on what's going on. My Gemini side returns with all of these hypothesis usually are negative and are mostly correct. We all know that Cancers are really nurturing but also need a balance on the giving and receiving end. When the bad analysis comes around, this balance is broken. However, the Cancer in me just freaks out and blows things out of proportions. After which, I come around tell myself over and over again that one should not expect anything in return for what I good I have done onto others. Resisting this balance sucks and not resisting this balance sucks also.

    All in all, I really like my Gemini trait (except the part where I lack the patience to drill deeply in some topic). I find that dealing with my Cancer trait is really strenuous and I really want to find a set of guidelines to follow so that I can lead a virtuous Cancer life. Things like "don't nurture too much" is easily said and hard to do, much like the rules of a fat-loss diet.

    The motivation for all this is that my girlfriend is a Libra sun, Aquarius moon and Cancer rising. Gemini loves her, and Cancer despises her. Too much nurturing and too much trying to "talk about things" is very sissy like and she hates that stuff. However, her best friend is a Cancer and they get along really well. I feel like I'm missing a super important Cancer lesson. What I think I'm looking for is a way to motivate people, in particularly her, to contribute to a constructive (mutually nurturing) environment. How to coolly deal with things without blowing up. All in all, how to control my own actions.

    Wow, this is a super long post and thanks for reading it. Any help is appreciated!

  • You can turn what you see as weaknesses into strengths with just a little wisdom and forethought. For example, if you make sure you don't take every little thing personally, you can use your sensitivity to accurately read people and assess situations. What's wrong with being caring and nurturing? Nothing, so long as you make sure you do it with people who will give back to you and not just take.

    Maybe your girlfriend does get on with Cancers as friends but it can be a very different story when it comes to handling a love partner. So you cannot compare your love relationship to her friendship with the Cancer guy because it's so much more loose and casual. Librans do dislike too much serious heavy emotional stuff, but that's how you are and you shouldn't have to change too much to please her. If you two cannot find a happy compromise, then the relationship will fail. If you are not compatible, then find someone who loves all your qualities.

  • Thank you for your response! I was wondering why I'm leaning towards the Cancer characteristics more rather than Gemini characteristics? Despite Cancer is at home on the moon, it shouldn't be stronger than my sun sign right? I like being a Gemini and I don't really like being a Cancer. All these emotions are tiring and I want to create a situation so that they don't trigger or find a way to subdue them. In fact, if I can find a way to scrap my Cancer characteristics, I would. They have caused me nothing but trouble.

    While my post was motivated mainly by the situation with my girlfriend, I'm finding that whenever my friends are in a relatively close situations with me (eg: a roommate, my mom) I can get into arguments that, in hindsight, I wouldn't get into. I get along with everybody great most of the time. It is only that one moment when I get pissed off that I want to learn to deal with better. If it's only with my girlfriend, then perhaps it's an incompatibility problem. However, if I'm incompatible with everyone, maybe it's my problem?

    I'm really interested in what you were saying about turning a weakness into a strength. I'm not really good at not taking everything personally... especially when I have inner imbalance issues with my interactions with people. it is when I have contributed a bit more than I liked and the return is nil. Caring and nurturing are nice when they are appreciated, but too much can be numbing and borderline annoying.

    An example would be that when I see I can help someone with something, I'd feel compelled to do it. I don't really think at the moment about what I'll get in return. In fact, most of the time I don't require anything in return. However, if people come to expect that I do something, I get imbalanced. What are good boundaries to draw the line and how can I mentally control myself from crossing the line? Thanks again!

  • Your sun sign is more how you appear outwardly to others while the Moon indicates how you feel inside.

    And you can certainly learn to control your impulsiveness and argumentativeness with a little more self-control and thinking before you speak. Use the old "count to ten' advice. In a debate, you have to pause to ask yourself if you are arguing simply to gain control or win out over the other person in order to feel better about yourself. Examining your motives in a situation will help you overcome any issues or weaknesses you may have.

    And most people don't like to be expected to do something so you're quite normal in that regard.

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  • Thank you. I'll try this out!

  • I answered your question on my thread but, after reading your thread, I have more things to add to what I said - specifically with your relationship with your girlfriend. I agree 100% with what The Captain said, by the way. It's very good insight and advice.

    Your girlfriend is a Libra Sun, Aquarius Moon and Cancer Rising and you're a Gemini Sun, Cancer Moon and Sagittarius Rising. When you have the Sun and the Moon in an air sign (although her Cancer Rising might balance that out a bit), there is little to no understanding of emotions and this can (if it hasn't already) cause problems with your relationship. Aquarius Moons generally get over things pretty quickly after rationalizing the problem in their head while Cancer Moons take a long time to truly "get over" things. Also, Cancer Moons (and Suns, for that matter) forget NOTHING that involved any strong emotion - it's just stored away in part of the brain, ready to bring up again during the next argument/disagreement. That will eventually drive your girlfriend insane because she'll end up thinking, "get over it already!"

    The next thing that I want to say (and The Captain mentioned it briefly) is that you should NEVER try to change for someone else. Period. If you are trying to change, make it for you so you can better yourself - not to make someone else happy (that definitely sounds like your Cancer speaking when you said that that she was your motivation in changing). Not all Cancer traits are "bad" so figure out what traits you like and want to keep and work on the traits you don't like so you can get to a point where you've at least come to terms with them.

  • Thanks The Captain and CALLTV. I've broken up with her. it's super painful but Gemini is helping out quite a bit. I actually love being a Cancer, it allows me to be a better person. I think I'll have to come to terms of being a Cancer and pick my paths more wisely. Cheers!

  • Good luck to you! The best relationship you can ever have is the one you have with yourself.

  • Righto! Despite that I don't trust myself that much either, but I'm pretty at liking myself among all people.

  • Why don't you trust yourself?

  • What I mean is the lack of reliability implicit in all Geminis. I find that I can't trust myself to carry something out if I'm not emotionally attached.

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