Need some insight please?

  • Hi Anyone,

    I have 2 areas of concern.

    First, I'll be going for a job interview in 2 days. It looks like a good opportunity, albeit one that will entail more stress than I'm used to. Jumping the gun here, but is it possible to see if this would be a good job/place for me - assuming they decide to hire me. For some reason, I don't feel great. Don't know if it's just fear (i.e I'm afraid I can't do the job) or that my gut is telling me the job is a wrong fit.

    Second, I want to know if my friend is someone I can trust (13/6/73). Up to now, I had trusted this friend, even though he is secretive, and I have often not understood or been frustrated by his actions. But I've heard some things about him recently, that now make me question if I've been too quick to trust. Is he being honest in his dealings with me? OR is he taking me for a ride and being false to me somehow?

    I'm inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt - as I believe he is a good person and may just be misunderstood. And I also sense he has false friends around him, who may be spreading lies.

    But I don't want to be deceived either. Or rather - I don't want to be trusting the wrong person/people. Know what i mean?

    Also, I'm getting the distinct impression he may have a mood/emotional disorder. Is it possible to tell?

  • Hi Danceur,

    I am tackling the career question first 🙂

    Although you have feelings of unease about this, it is an opportunity for you to take on/accept extra responsibility and further your career - this is a beneficial change for you so start looking at it as a welcome transition and be open to new learning and growth. You need to prepare for the interview by releasing this uneasiness you are currently feeling as it will create self-doubt. Have faith in your abilities - be confident and assertive (but with an air of patience and wisdom!). If you can do this successfully, I do see an offer coming your way. The challenge will be for you to review the offer with a calm and rational mind - go through the offer carefully as I am getting that it may not be presented as it actually is. Do not be afraid to speak up, ask questions and negotiate your needs.



  • Hello again Danceur,

    With regard to your friend, he is indeed going through a very difficult time in his life and he does suffer from depression (there may also be some substance abuse here). He needs to seek help through counseling so that he can resolve these issues and grow into the mature, confident man he was meant to be. If he seeks counseling, he will once again have a positive outlook on life and will have the energy to look forward to the future with confidence, but the choice is up to him. As far as you are concerned, I feel you should be ignoring the influence and gossip of others - exercise independence of thought and trust your instincts. You are a kind, loyal and caring friend and that is what he needs right now. I feel that you will be instrumental in him seeking the help he needs. Sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him. Just be mindful of being helpful without becoming his enabler - watch your boundaries.



  • Hi Watergirl,

    Thanks so much for your reply 🙂

    I'm gonna answer you in 2 replies as well...

    On the job, I do feel this may be a good chance to learn and I really don't want to sabotage myself by letting self-doubt get in the way. They weren't keen on me at first because I made it known that I had after-work commitments. When you say the offer may not be presented as it is - could it be that the job will require more time than I'm willing to commit to - and if I don't ask, they won't tell?

    Or do you mean something else?

  • Hi Watergirl,

    On my friend - i cried when I read your reply. Not only does confirm what I felt - but now I feel sad cos I don't know how I can help him.

    See - we aren't close. We were very chummy for a short time, and then suddenly he became aloof. And now he never has time for me. He displays on-off, hot and cold behavior, though we are still friends and we know that.

    Watergirl, I can't believe the coincidence of this. If anyone were to understand what my friend is going through - it may be me (cos I was with a diordered parter a few years ago, and had depression as a result of the emotionally abusive relationship).

    I learnt the hard way about boundaries and enabling - which is why even as I started to suspect my friend may be troubled, I felt it wasn't my place to intervene.

    I believe he may have bipolar disorder, and if so, he is extremely high-functioning - as he is doing very well professionally. Never misses a day at work, very committed to his job. Very active, sporty, responsible. He doesn't strike me as the sort who would abuse drugs/alcohol, although I know he sometimes has insomnia and self-medicates for that.

    We never got to that stage where we can talk feelings. So it'd be difficult to bring anything up, let alone have a heart-to-heart talk. I feel that he wants to be known/seen, yet is afraid of the same exact thing. That maybe he knows i sense things about him - and it attracts and repels him at the same time.

    I believe counselling is not something he would do. But I'd be there for him if he were willing to open up. Sometimes it seems he wants me to seek him out. But then cos of his mood swings, I never know if or when I should approach him, or if he appreciates any interaction. He can go from being the friendliest mate, to a sullen withdrawn person, to acting like you don't exist.

    I try to depersonalize his behavior, but it hurts and confuses me too - this push and pull thing.

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