Dear good readers - please help

  • Dear good readers on this forum,

    please help me with your insights - I feel hopeless. Since my divorce and then the break up with the loved one 4 years ago, I've been terminally single. Tried a lot of things: travel, meditation, yoga, mantra, wish lists, prayers, therapy, etc.... and yet here I am, single and lonely. I start to think: this is it, I can't expect more in life, I just have to accept that I'll be like this till the end... and this very idea makes me feel like dying right away 😞 Although I know I can't - I have a daugther to raise. So I'm existing, not living. I realise this is not my best and uplifting post, but I really feel helpless and hopeless, please help me, if you feel like doing this.

    thank you so much,

    lots of love your way

  • HappyPeaceful,

    I've read on other forums that the best way to bring love into your life is to start by loving youself first. Sometimes that can be difficult as we tend to judge ourselves far more harshly than others do. What have you done lately to make yourself feel alive, vital, sexy, and fun?

    I'm going to suggest to you something I'm doing for myself. Start a New Moon List. Make a list of abunch of things you'd like to do (big and small). Revisit the list at the next New Moon crossing off all the things you've done and then re-write the list with items you didn't do (if they are still things you want to accomplish) and add any new things. Repeat monthly. I've been doing it for a couple of months now and I really get joy out of doing new things and crossing off items on that list. I feel like I'm moving forward with purpose and it's all stuff I want to do. It helps keep me focused on what I want versus what others want. Getting out there and doing things to cross stuff off your list will inevitably put you in the path of a like-minded someone, perhaps even someone special! But even if it doesn't, you're still doing things that make you happy and that will make you feel better about you!

    Best of luck and keep me posted on your progress! Big Monday Hug!


  • What your feeling is natural when you've had heart break. But I'm sure you know that the only way anyone can love you for who you are is when YOU love you for who you are. Easier said than done I know. But you have to look at the gifts you have. You sound like you've had some real rough times but you've come through the other side and survived it. Your raising a child on your own and doing it. You've come out of a relationship and have enough belief in love to want to try again with someone. These are massive positives in your life that you can draw strength from and move forward with. Don't stop believing in yourself and the universe will bring you the joy that is out there waiting for you.

  • Not sure why s*xy is all asterisks, but I wanted you to know what I was trying to say! 🙂

  • Dear Syn, thanks so much for responding and helping hand 🙂 you know, I feel I exhausted everything... I take care of myself and my appearance: I shop for new dresses, now I'm in the process of going from being a brunette to a blonde... But all this doesn't make me feel s*xy, because there are no guys interested in me. As for the to-do list, I don't know... I feel I exhausted my list already. I have to confess I feel abandoned by all higher powers if they exist.. I feel like being punished 😞

  • Dear Tarotlane, thank you for your encouragement. From time to time, I feel kinda proud of myself that I'm able to handle a lot by myself. But again, this doesn't help me in my love life. It seems like it's not enough... I don't know what to do... People keep saying ' don't worry you'll definitely meet someone who is your man' and I keep hearing this for 4 years, and I don't seem to move anywhere. And during all this time I went to one date, to which I didn't want to go and the guy didn't like me; there was another guy who was interested, but I was interested at all, I tried to spend more time with him, talking, but I ended up feeling that I find him even repulsive... I'm sorry, I sound very negative, I know... But I can't find any tiniest crumble of belief in that I can meet someone 😞 i feel like I need a miracle to happen, but these unfortunately don't happen to me 😞 all my prayers and mantras went unanswered 😞 I'm sorry for being this way 😞

  • HappyPeaceful,

    You say you've exhausted everything and that you take care of yourself and your appearance, but are you doing it because it makes YOU feel good or are you doing it in the hope that it will attract someone to you? I find that sexy is all a matter of perception.

    For example, if I'm at the gym and I see a guy look at me, I could choose to think "oh, I happen to be in his sight-line and he's not really checking me out" or I could think "that guy is completely staring AT ME". Now, I'm not going to talk to said guy, and said guy probably won't talk to me, but I certainly feel better thinking "he is checking me out (and why shouldn't he - I'm hot") versus "I just happen to be standing where he's looking." This is kind of an extreme example, but I hope you get what I'm trying to say. Your ability to feel attractive shouldn't depend on whether you have a guy in your life lavishing compliments on you. It should come from the knowledge that you are a beautiful person on the inside and on the outside.

    Now as for the list. You've really done EVERYTHING? Climbed Everest, walked a volcano in Hawaii, been to Machu Picchu, visited the Pyramids in Egypt, learned French, slept in a castle in Scotland, cooked 10 new recipes, invented a new kind of cookie, called 5 people you admire to tell them why you do, spent time with nieces & nephews, hosted a party for no reason other tha to just spend time with friends, paid for the person in line behind you at a coffee shop, etc., etc., etc.? I'm going to hazard a guess that perhaps the reason you are feeling so low is that you've stopped dreaming. Your sole focus has become to get a guy and everything else (apart from what you have to do on a day-to-day basis) has fallen by the wayside.

    The examples above are from my own list. I don't have the resources currently to go jet-setting off on a global world tour to check all these off, but if I focus on the things I want to do, I'll get there a lot faster. Having dreams and goals is vital. If you only focus on one, of course you'll end up disappointed when it doesn't happen but if you have 10-12, or even 150, you not only live a rich creative life but you create so many more opportunities for good things to come into it. If you are having trouble coming up with ideas, I recommend looking up the Day Zero project online. They have "would you rather" lists with a ton of ideas to try; i.e. would you rather learn french or go sky diving, would you rather learn to make brownies from scratch or learn to sew a skirt - you get the idea.

    Stop punishing yourself by trying to be something that you THINK guys want instead of being the awesome person that you are. Get involved in things that make you happy, spend time with your daughter doing things on your New Moon List, find out what kinds of things she dreams of doing and do them together. Make some time for yourself. Write down the characteristics you want in your new guy, then put it aside, and forget about it. Focus on other things, make yourself happy. Funks are terrible and they are hard to get yourself out of, but start by focusing on what is positive in your life. You have an amazing kid, you are raising her on your own, you are taking care of your body, you are able to afford clothes to look good in, etc., etc. etc.

    Best of luck,


  • Hey HappyPeaceful,

    Was thinkiing about you, wondering if you were doing better!


  • Hey Syn77!

    So glad to see you here and am happy you met someone (I read your post) and I totally agree with Seanachai (sorry, if I mispelled) - enjoy the relationship and communication as it is now 🙂

    And really, my heart made a joyful salto when I read your post! 🙂 and I wouldn't worry about his zodiac sign at all, people are not conditioned by their Sun signs. Very happy for you! 🙂

    As for me, I haven't met anyone. There's someone at work, whom I kinda like, but I don't think he likes me the same way.

    What else did I do? well, I started exercising, at home. I was away on vacation for couple of weeks. Two weeks ago I spoke to my therapist, and she said that I'm changing... and at once she added that probably I don't notice that yet, because I really don't :))) and then she said that I'm not in the place right now to notice that yet 🙂

    I had an angel reading done: one of the messages was not to worry - I need to ask the angels to handle the situation or person and they will take care of it. So now I often do my mental talk to the angels when I'm thinking too much about that guy I like, overanalyse or worry if I'm attractive to him or not, and ask the angels to handle this and take away all my worries and just leave my mind and heart in peace and quiet. And today I thought that most of all I want to be at peace, not to worry (or have that worry parked at the back of my mind) about my being alone, about whether I'm meant to be alone, about my daughter - I just want to free of these thoughts and be at peace for once!!

    So kind of you Syn77 to remember about me 🙂 you put a smile on my face after a long day at work 🙂

    Let me know how things are with you!

    Lots of love your way!

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