A different kind of cancer question

  • Ok, so my cancer guy is going through something deep. I know it is solely within himself and regarding himself. Not me, his kids, his ex or any extended family.

    I understand the emotional see-saw cancers go through. I do get it.

    But my question is this. BC I love him, I just want to help him. But I know that he is more than capable of figuring and working things out on his own. But, I want him to know that bc we are in sync, I see what he is going through. BC of that I am going to tell him simply that I see it, I understand and know he is capable. yet I am here.

    But here is the tricky part for me. And, this is one of the reasons we get along so well. Our pasts are very similar. VERY similar. Bad marriages, acceptance of shitty circumstances, etc.

    But, he is very private and I think I know what he is struggling with and well, since I am a woman, I need advice on how a man perceives help from a woman.

    Whether it just be a peaceful strength and knowing I give him. Unconditional love ( which is foreign to him, even though he has always longed for it) or my forte...which is providing nice hings for a family when the means or budget do not appear to be able to do the job.

    I am an extreme savings shopper. I could have invented extreme couponing minus the hoarding ( ie why does one need 75 bottles of mustard or 200 tubes of toothpaste...lol)

    I am worried that he is feeling inadequate as a man, when it is just one of my gifts I bring to the table, if you will. A gift that i am honored and happy to give bc I love him.

    So any and all advice is needed.

  • This ^^^ is what i am telling you about. Stop trying to convince others, you, and your bf that things are perfect. Stop pretending. When you and your partner starts to pretend this is just one step to unhappiness. Im sure you know about that on your 43 years on earth unless you're the type of person who want to keep things piling up until you burst to unhappiness and fall out of love.

  • xoxo - I have no clue how you got that out of what I typed. I was just stating facts. And there is something going on with him, which I gave details about.

  • Well if you truly have an honest relationship with this guy then why dont you ask him directly? Everyhing youve written here? Are you afraid of showing him your true colors? Whats holding you back from being open? You dont want him to see youre vulnerable?

  • Perhaps?

  • Well just get on with it and be together I say life is waaay too short to be waiting.

  • xoxo - I did 1st thing this morning. I asked him. We talked. And honestly, it was great.

  • Oh...and I have already told him I hate being vulnerable. But, I always show him my vulnerable side.

    It draws us closer together. Which scares me even more. Yet, I grasp it and deal with it.

  • I know you are afraid. Thats why i keep telling you when you are faking it. Well nobody knows what will happen in the future and that is the risk you have to take no matter how hard you try to play it safe.

  • xoxo - Yes, I am afraid. I have told him. I don't fake it though. I do however, think things through before I act or speak out. But, I do always say what I feel in the end, regardless of the consequences.

  • Taurus7,

    Only you and J know the dynamic between the two of you. No one else can really judge or say having not been there with the both of you. I think that if you don't want him to feel inadequate as a man, show him how you look up to him, for his manly qualities. That you admire him. Men need to know that their woman respects them and is proud of them. I think if the helping out or gift giving is done as an extension of your nurturing qualities, that it won't make him feel less of a man.

  • Doeeyed - thanks. I did my best to do that. Whether he receives it as such or parlays it into something else is out of my control.

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