What Gives?

  • Can someone please give me clarity on this relationship situation. I am a Pisces 3/5/60 2:59pm est. He is a Leo 07/27/59. Bill and I have known each other since I was 14 years old. We always had a special bond, friends, lovers and a great admiration for each other. When I was 18 Bill moved away to Florida. He would come back to Long Island NY each spring work his construction co. and go back to Florida in the winter. When he was on LI we carried the same relationship that we did when we were younger. Be with each other for short periods of time and making no commitments for the future. In between we both led our own lives with different friends and lovers. When I was 21 I met the man i knew I was going to marry. The last time I was with Bill was truly the last time I would see him for 25 years. In that time I married, divorced, lived with one man for 13 years and then another for 3. Bill in those 25 years had a thriving business in construction and a wife he was married to for 20 years. In those 25 years I wished so bad to see Bill just one more time. Well my wish came true. 3 months before my breakup with my live in boyfriend I get a friend request on Facebook, it was Bill. I was not as excited as I would have thought I would be because I was so in love, or under the spell of my then lover. I had pleasant e-mails with Bill but did not persue anything further, I was under the influence of a narcissist, abusiive, charming, sexy, Charles Manson ego lover. My relationship with the live in was crumbling, he became more abusive each day. I seen the anger and the abuse that he gave to his staff. I never imagined that he would turn on me also. Well after a real bad episode he asked me if I wanted him gone and even though I still was so in love with him, I was miserable at the same time, I said yes and he moved out in 4 days. We had 2 other false break ups within a span of 4 months so it was bound to happen. Well the day he moved out I posted to al my frineds that I was truly single, he moved out, Bill called the same day. Bill said he was in the process of getting a divorce. He had some bad luck in the last three years. He was in an accident that broke his neck. He lost his business and his wife handed him divorce papers telling him that since he couldn't make money anymore she didn't want to stay married. We talked many times and finally seen each other 3 months later. He lives on the east coast of Florida and me on the west. It's a 300 mile drive and he came over to take me out and leave the next morning. He lives with his mother who has been ill and he has been the one who has taken care of her. Neither of us wanted to just jump in bed with each other, him with his lifes uncertainty and me with my broken heart. Yes I had or have a broken heart, but, realized that if i didn't get away from that man my life might end tradgically. Bill and I had a very nice evening we went into town and I showed him my Florida.We talked of old times and we talked of new times how we would travel together and be a part of each others lives. Bill would call every three weeks, send cards and a big teddy bear with a heart on Valentines Day and a bracelet for my Birthday. I spoke with Bills mom, who is now better, and she said that it has been a long time since she heard her son laugh so hard, she could hear that he was talking to me on the phone. His mom sent me a necklace for my birthday as well. His mom hated Bills wife as did the rest of the family. The girl alienated Bill from his mother and sisters in that time they were married. So it was a bonus that his mother like me. Bill would always call and say he was going to make time to visit me, or we would go to Georgia and visit a mutual friend, or just travel in general. Bill took a job with a good company but the problem is he doesn't have two days off together. In April I had knee surgery and he was on the phone all week with me trying to make me feel better. He sent me 5 get well cards. Shortly after that he was to go to court for his divorce. Since there was an estate between them things got rather ugly for the division of assets. He called on Sunday said he was going to court the next day and would call as soon as he can and tell me what happened. I heard from him a month later. Then he said we would spend Memorial Day together take me to the Keys on his boat and stay the weekend. All of his talk was what he was going to cook for me, introduce me to his friends and other relatives and what vacations we were going to go on. Well Memorial day came and went and so did a month later. He left a message on my answering machine telling me he was going to call me 2 days later. Two weeks ago he e-mailed me saying he missed talking to me and to give him a call when I have the time. He wrote that he has been having a real bad time with this divorce and that the poo poo of a marriage will be over the next day. I tried to call him three times and I give up. I am not the only one who has problems with him answering his phone, its either turned off or he forgets to pay the bill or he just doesnt answer. My friends call me when they can't get him and ask when I have heard from him. His mother even made a joke out of his phone habits. He will go months without looking at the computer for any messages. I don't know what to make of this, either does my mother who liked him very much. She wanted as well as I that Bill and I would have a future together. I have a wonderful job with great benefits, as long as I have my laptop I can work anywhere. Bill is waiting for his settlement from his accident to start his business again. We could have a great life only some would be able to experience.I don't even want him to work, I could care less if he went fishing all day long. We enjoy the same things, we both need to live by the sea.We have always found each other amusing and laught at each others jokes. We both are sexually attracted to each other after all these years. Maybe in our minds eye when we look at each other we still see each other as when we were in our teens. SO WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WHAT GIVES? I haven't heard from him for weeks now. Did his accident give him short term memory loss? He always tells me he will call on a certain date and then he doesn't. He will call 2 weekss later as if he doesn't remember what he said. Is he hooked on the pharmaceuticals from his accident I remember him telling me that he takes them(too often) or did he find someone new.He just told our mutual friend on Saturday that him and I will be traveling to Georgia to visit with her. He always ends are conversations with I Love You. I was startled at first, but then was more receptive to it. Please give me insight. I joined a new gym due to my knee injuyry. I was a Zumba instructor but after I tore my miniscus it ended my instructor days. It was an all female class. Now I feel it's time to start my life again and want to find the person I will spend the rest of my life with. No better place than a co-ed gym.I went out of my comfort zone to give my life another chance. They won't be under the influence of alcahol and they care about their health. I feel like I did when I was a teenager with Bill, history is just repeating itself, The reason why I met my husband and married him, all those years ago, was, I got tired of waiting for Bill to make a commitment. As I am getting tired and impatient again. Clarity please, life is to short to be constantly be waiting for it to happen.

  • Hi LuckySue,

    I didn't get much on Bill specifically, but did get a very clear message that it is time for you to move on. You already know this, of course. Sometimes when these old loves make a reappearance in our lives we idealize the relationship - only remembering the good things. Especially after a string of adult disappointments - the return of the old love seems like it is fated and that it will somehow make up for or make sense of everything else. The fairy tale ending of sorts. It's important to remember that you don't REALLY know what's going on with his wife and the divorce...the soon to be ex and his family will of course have nothing nice to say about her and portray her as the sole guilty party. You are both rebounding and that is never a good time to get involved with someone - prior history or not. It's possible that his return to your life was to help you move on from the abusive relationship you were in and trying to extricate yourself from. I know it's difficult, but it is time to pick yourself up by your boot straps and start walking toward the unknown. You can do this - you are a strong woman and you know this. Enjoy the new gym!



  • Hardest part of ending is beginning again.

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