Heart vs. Head...a reading please?
Hello....been here before
Capricorn female (Jan 11/73) trying to figure out my relationship (??) with a Virgo male (Sept 11/76).
After a lot of push and pull with him....I ended it almost three weeks ago.
Although my head felt I had to do it. My heart can't let go. I really miss his friendship above all and feel I made a mistake in cutting him out of my life.
I told him I loved him and always have (know him for 13 years on and off).
Told me he didn't feel the same way and that he doesn't deserve me. I deserve something more than he can give me. And I can respect that ultimately he's saying, his heart is not ready.
But I'm somewhat confused, as he told me I could be his perfect wife, we have an unbelievable connection, I'm an amazing woman...so on and so forth. Even told my daughter that he loved me!?
I know when he looks at me....he is totally into me. And vice versa.
But my head is saying move on, leave it be. But also scrambling to figure this all out.
My heart....well my heart is just plain breaking. And it hurts.
It is truly a tug of war with my heart and my head!!
I can understand that he is not ready. But I do know that he has feeling for me. And I have feelings for him....I'd hate to see both our feelings for each other go to waste. That would be a shame
But will he ever be ready?
Is there anything left for me to wait for?
Should I leave him be...or get back in contact with him?
Did I do the right thing?
Does he even care?
I would love to know any answers to any of my questions.
And, above all, would love some insight.
It would be greatly appreciated
Thank you in advance for any considerations,
I am certainly no expert in astrology and signs - but I wanted to say that I can totally sympathize with how you are feeling. I just posted my dilemma a little while ago. In the past 3 weeks have you heard from your Virgo? Has he tried to contact you at all? I know the heart/head battle all too well. So much of you wants to reach out and see how he is....Have your feelings of missing him lessened at all with time? Maybe give it a week or two more and see how he's doing? I think he needs to really miss you for awhile. I think you did the right thing for now, he needs to do some searching of his own and some realizing of his own - he'll miss you and really think. Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. Just wanted to say that! Beary
watergirl18 last edited by
You made the right decision, but now you are going through the process of letting go of him emotionally and are tempted to pull the wool back over your eyes. Even when ending a relationship is the right thing to do, it still hurts - there's no way to get around it and it is part of the healing process. The fact that you are sad and missing him doesn't mean it was the wrong decision, though. Spirit wants you to stick to your guns and be true to yourself - don't allow yourself to become emotionally insecure over this. Personal leadership and decisiveness is crucial for you at this time. It's natural to miss him and want to go back to him out of fear of the future, but be resolute...time heals all wounds! People always tell us who they are, but we sometimes ignore it because we do not want to face the reality. You told him you loved him and then he told you he didn't feel the same way. Everything else after that was a way to try to soften the blow because he does indeed care for you. Of course he is sad now, but he hasn't tried to contact you and work things out, has he? Waiting for a man to "be ready" is NEVER a good idea. Be strong!
I just read your post. And I too can totally sympathize with you
Sometimes I wish I could just flick a switch and it's all gone....poof, just like that
But that's not the way things work. Pain, in time, becomes strength. And that's what I keep telling myself. Doesn't help now....but time has a way of dealing with these things and to bring some clarity. I do wish that for you. And hope that thing's work out....for better or for worse. And if it's for the worst, then hopefully that will bring closure and peace for you. If for the better, then I send you big smiles and a hug!
I haven't heard from him at all.
It will be 3 weeks since on Saturday since I last talked to him.
Last thing he asked me to do, after I told him I'd have to cut him out of my life, was to text him to let him know when I found Mr. Right. This way he'd know that I was doing fine and that everything was going to be okay for me!?
After a long moment of silence....I said "I thought I already did (find Mr. Right)". Told him I had to go and hung up on him. No contact from him since then.
Miss him like crazy. Some days are worse than others. Have times when something happens and wish I could text him and say....you wouldn't believe what just happened to me, LOL. Like I used to before. Always thinking how he's doing, what he's doing, where he's at.....
I think you're right. He needs to miss me too. And I think he is, to a degree....I think he's totally shocked that I cut him out of my life.
Even when I told him that....his response was "I don't think you want to do that". But I did, and I have to stand tall and not back down.
I have feelings too. And above all....I have to respect myself and not just the needs of others.
I wish you all the best....and thanks for responding to my post. I'll keep watching yours, and maybe there will be some good change in your situation
Hey there! Sounds like Watergirl has a great outlook - All of her points are things I ALWAYS have to consider when my heart hurts. Before my current relationship (from my post) there is just one other person I've felt as connected to as you and your guy. This was years ago and it shattered me. Every day was work, keeping the despair at bay and trying to smile (which is my nature). Eventually I moved on, and within the year I heard from him again. And I was in a MUCH better place to evaluate my feelings for him - which were still VERY strong, I never stopped missing him, but it wasn't the right time. Recently I heard from him again.
I was raised to think of others before myself too - I always do - and I am not totally happy unless those around me are happy. So of course all our thoughts are geared toward these guys, and not toward OUR needs. I am learning that lesson right now. AGAIN. I'll keep and eye on your post too - I hope for some good news for you too. Keep strong - it does get better. If it's meant to be, you'll be able to view him through different eyes after some time goes by and really be able to see how strong your feelings are - because while we feel like the world is ending, the true pain does dull, but if the feelings were real and meant to be, I feel like they take a new shape - they aren't sharp and painful anymore, but they are contained and under control. But they don't go away.
Have a great day!
Thank you so much for your insight and inspiration.
All that you said really hit home and gave me a great boost of "every little thing is going to be okay". I feel so much better. Like a huge weight has been lifted from my heavy heart.
It doesn't feel heavy anymore....at least not today. I'm sure I will have days where I will hurt....but that's okay. I must grieve this passing relationship and release that hurt.
I realize that I can miss him, but let him go. In doing so....I can move forward. And when the time is right and the universe/sprits see that my heart is available. They will then send me some one whose heart is also available.
But until then. I will work on myself and enjoy being my own independent self.....and have some fun doing it
I appreciate your gifted response.....as it really was a gift to me, my heart and my soul. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Please see my response to watergirl.....WOW, I have a big smile on my face. That's exactly what I needed to hear.
She is so true in saying that, people are telling you....but it's hard in facing the reality. Because it's not really what you want to hear. I realize that it just isn't our time. I will never say never. But I also I'm not going to cling to him coming around or scarifice my time and efforts to wait on something that just isn't there at this time. Not waiting on that boy.....just will take care of myself.
Which is kinda funny. As he already stated to me during our last conversation, that I am a strong girl. And that I need to go out and enjoy being single and independent. Not anchor myself to him. Smart, intuitive boy he is.....time listen to him and take that advice
Seems to me that you are quite similar to me in your emotional thought process. I've always put others before me. I am learning from life lessons that keep getting thrown at me, that you have to learn to help yourself FIRST....before you can help others.
You are very insightful and I appreciate your words and thoughts....nice to know that the kindness of strangers is still out there
Be good to yourself
watergirl18 last edited by
You're very welcome. Just take it one day at a time (and sometimes we have to resort to one breath at a time!).
Wow, BearyLoving76, I am so much agree with you. My Virgo does not deny that he has feelings for me (He's unhappily married for 15 years with 2 kids; and we are dating for 10 month now).. BUT he kept saying me that we met at the wrong time in wrong situation (His situation). He says I have everything that he ever wanted in woman, but situation is too difficult to be resolved just like that. I thought I'll stay around and watch what happens next.. Now reading your post on the timing of love... WOW! I really should try to stay away and see if the "right time" will ever come.. Problem is that every time I leave him, he ALWAYS finds the way back in Good luck ladies!
Apparently my best friend took it apon herself to email the Virgo.
She wanted to know if it was really over between him and I. And wanted to see how he was feeling about the all of this. As she was trying to figure out the best way to support me through all this.
She sent the email late last night. She had no idea that I was posting on this site. And the advice and insight that I had gotten.
Well, he actually called her late this morning (she wasn't really expecting a response).
Explained to her that even though he loves and cares for me as a friend. It is nothing more than that. He feels guilt that he somehow led me on and was sure that he had expressed himself and his intentions of just being friends with me numerous times. Which is very true...he had expressed this many times to me. I just didn't "listen" to him.
He asked my best friend to tell me to close the door on this relationship. And the only reason that he wanted me to let him know when I found "Mr. Right" was so that he knew I have moved on. And I would then be strong enough to accept him back into my life as a friend. As he is truly missing that. But knows that we cannot connect at this time in any way, shape or form.
Although he told my friend that he's kicking himself and knows that he would be the luckiest man on the earth to have me. He just knows in his heart that he's not the person I deserve. And cannot see that kind of future for us or himself.
What an amazing person he is. I will always think of him with a BIG smile on my face. And will always have admiration and mutual respect for this man.
And I finally see the forest through the trees. Just took me a while
And let's not forget the amazing friend I have. Soulmates are not just romatic partners. And I am truly blessed to have "found" a friend soulmate
Peace, love & happines,
wow, this is great CuteCappy! I am glad you feel this way! Too bad your solemate connection can't be a romantic one as well.. But you never know.. Virgo's change their mind on daily basis. I am sure he'll show up sooner than you think. Believe me, I know!
I see you have been going through a lot with your Virgo....yikes. Nothing like the push and pull that virgo's are infamous for
Thanks for taking some interest in my posts. Sometimes it's good to see that you aren't the only one suffering. That we all have to have that awful feeling of uncertainty. Yuck!!
I have no doubt in my mind that he will be back. But he will need to be accepted by me when I'm ready. And that may be for quite sometime.
The saying of...."Fool me once, shame on you. Fool my twice, shame on me" goes through my head over and over.
Can't "shame" myself like that again. Must stick to my guns. Must respect myself.
I do hope you find your strength and make it through one way or another.
Be good to yourself
Hi CuteCappy, thank you so much for your kind words. I wonder is it even possible to establish pure true friendship with no side effects in the any kind of future with some one that you love so much now and consider him as "the one"... hmmmm..
Hi Vic and Cappy!
Gosh, I've had no time these past few days to "catch up". I've been meaning to contact you Vic about your situation. I don't know if you read my post, (Under Sticky with Pisces), but I am in the same boat as you, sort of. I met someone on a trip that I won. Now, I'm a very logical person, but I am also a romantic and I do see "signs' when they are in front of me. This man and I (and my friend TIffany) met as the first people at the airport on the way out on our trip, and somehow, we gravitated toward each other all three days of the trip. There are a TON of similarities, on a even the deepest levels of personality. Weird little signs kept happening. Tiffany kept saying "there's something there, he likes you, etc...) More than one person noticed the connection we had. We get home from the trip and start a wonderful FRIENDSHIP. See, he is in a troubled marriage, and mine is on its way out. I wasn't looking to meet ANYONE. But before I knew it, my Pisces friend was getting closer and closer. (I am a cancer) We were both AMAZED at the connection we have. We have seen each other 6 times since returning from our trip, always in public, always innocent. NEVER has anything physical happened beyond a hug of greeting (although there is a HUGE attraction on both our parts) He has been married before and has an estranged daughter, his ex cheated on him pretty badly. He's married now again for 6 years and has a 4 year old son. His current wife has asked for 2 divorces, one last year, and one just in April. Then she asked for an in house separation at the end of May, while they sell the house, so that it's not 2 major changes affecting their son. During our conversations, he would tell me that he just doesn't think he can handle losing his son, and that he's sure that she would bankrupt him. I know the thought of his son being estranged like his daughter KILLS him. After this last attempt at a separation from his wife at the end of May, he cut things off with me, saying that he has to try to resolve a ton of stuff in his mind and try to get things back on track with his son and wife. In the beginning, he hept telling me I bring out the best in him, I'm his best friend, he finally has hope for happiness, etc. He was very dependent on our friendship. We were both so happy, even just knowing each other and venting to each other. I always believed him because nothing about him made me feel like he was bullsh*tting me. Ever. So now he's totally gone - we are still friends on Facebook and I know he looks at my Wall/Profile, so I've been trying to put on a happy face and act like I'm just fine. My husband and I are still legally together, but we are both resigned to the fact that we are roommates. Financially we cannot split right now (NO kids tho)
I just want to know if I will ever have my friend back again - Vic, here is where I sympathize so much with you. We are PERFECT for each other, and I know he has to do what he has to do. I would NEVER want to be the reason he and his current wife split, so I know he has to try to do whatever he can to try to save his son. But I know he doesn't "love" his wife, not like he should. I have not communicated with him in any way for 2 weeks, but like I said, we haven't unfriended each other on Facebook. On my post, PiceanHealer told me to give him his space, and that once a connection is made with a Pisces, it's nearly impossible to break. I have no problem giving him his space, but that doesn't mean I don't miss him at the very core of my heart. I have a hard time understanding WHY we were brought to each other if it's just going to end this way. It's not even like we were sleeping together! So weird.
Ok, thanks for reading this. I needed to vent. I just miss him so much. That's NOT going away.
Cappy - Glad to hear you got some more details and insight into your guy. A good thing from all this is that you know there's someone out there just like him, only better. OR, when the time is right, he'll see that he really does need you. I think it takes some people a lot longer to process their feelings and thoughts - I am learning that myself. I wish the best for BOTH of you - I really enjoy reading and learning about what makes other ladies tick - AND if either of you ever play Words with Friends on your phones, I love to play! I can send you my username if you want to play! I'll keep you posted on my saga - IF anything ever happens. Hugs to you both!
Have been quite busy to post anything too
Read your post and do hope the best for you. There is nothing worse then finding that connection. But not being able to actually connect in the way you want or need to.
I truly feel with my Virgo that he has MAJOR commitment issues and therefore doesn't need to put me through the ringer while he tries to figure out his life. I do remeber him saying that I could be his perfect wife. But he's not ready for that. If I could wait for him until he was ready to commit to me. Then I would be showered with love and devotion. I have no doubt in my mind that he could provide this to me. But how long do I put my life on hold and wait for him? That is totally unfair of him to think that I would just wait and pine over him.
Not only that....Virgo's analyize everything to death. They are insecure within themselves and fear rejection. He may act like he has it together but once they are being tested.....they tend to withdraw within themselves. And you will not hear from them for days, weeks and sometimes months!!!
I will not cling to the remote chance of him contacting me or coming back into my life. I must stay in the present and go forward into the future. With or without him. And unfortunately, at this time, it's without him. Such a great loss of an amazing friend.....that's what hurts my heart the most :(.
Think it's kinda funny....I too befriended a Pisces (never had dated one). He's a pilot and we actually met on a red eye flight from Calgary to Toronto (obviously, I live in Canada). He had just piloted a flight from Mexico and was heading home to Toronto. I was going to Cuba (on my own) and my connecting flight was in Toronto. We sat together and hit it off instantly. Super nice guy. Have seen each other a couple of times when he's had a layover in Calgary. But since he does live in Toronto and I live in Calgary.....kinda hard to see each other. Also his job is his passion....so he is flying all the time.
Anyhow....like I said, I do wish you all the best. Sometimes we just have to wait for the universe to send it out to us. If it happens, Great. If not, move on. Because the universe know's when you are available. If you're not, it will send you only unavailable men.
But if your heart is truly ready and avaliable...the universe will send you a man who IS truly ready and avaliable in they're heart also.
CuteCappy, I just wanted to toss in my .02. I'm a Leo/Virgo cusp, and I share traits from both signs. My Virgo traits are that I have the capacity to be a "background person", insecure, and sometimes too analytical in my thinking. This being said, when those three combine in a Virgo, they build a foundation for serious self-doubt within the Virgo. We begin to self-analyze, and eventually, because of the "service to others" attitude, it's easy for Virgos to place themselves in a position of "I don't deserve", or "I'm not good enough". Your Virgo may truly believe that he's not good enough for you, but it may not necessarily mean that it's because he's trying to figure out his life or that he has a fear of commitment. He just might truly feel that a person as wonderful and as beautiful as you deserves the King, not the Squire.
".. the universe knows when you are available. If you're not, it will send you only unavailable men. But if your heart is truly ready and available...the universe will send you a man who IS truly ready and available in they're heart also."
THIS IS SO PROFOUND!!!!
Hey Darkness Angel,
Thanks for your .02....you are on to something, for sure. Can't tell you how many times I've heard him say that I deserve so much more for my heart then he can give me.
Find it interesting that you would go with a "royalty" reference. As he has said to me (a few times) that I deserve to be treated like a Queen. Of course, this was after he asked me to wait and be patient and I would reap the rewards eventually!?
I have looked at all our astrological signs/planets.
Sun - Capricorn
Rising - Scorpio
Moon - Aires
Venus - Sagittarius
Mars - Sagittarius
Sun - Virgo
Rising - no idea (don't know his time of birth) - wish I did.
Moon - Aires
Venus - Libra
Mars - Libra
He has a lot of Libra in him, not just Venus & Mars, but in other planets too. I think he just likes the "women form" and enjoys being around a lot of women (he's a bartender & DJ and extremly bright/talented/intelligent). He was constantly talking to me about the other girls he was "juggling". Wanting my advice as a trusted friend. Not realizing that it was hard for me to give him a unbiased opinion....really Virgo, really????
When I told him that I loved him....he said he knew and has always known. Why then would you want me to give you advice on girlfriends. Testeing, testing, testing. Push, pull, push, pull !!!!
Although I told him I would treat his heart with the most loving, loyal and devoted care that he could ever possibly imagine. He denied me. So I took my heart and walked away.
Miss him in the worse way. Can't seem to shake him. But of course being a Cappy. I am strong, but most off STUBBORN. And will not cave in.
Regardless....he told my friend that I "need to close the door" on the relationship. That's enough for me. Any man that deserves my heart, would FIGHT for me. Hands down.
Love will set you free....
Glad you found my "Universe" explaination profound.
I cannot tell you how many times I've be told this by psychics/mediums.
I've seen a few. Maybe too many....as I've gotten a lot of mixed messages and feel somewhat confused.
Have been told that my Virgo is indeed my soulmate by all of them (but keep in mind, we can all have more than one soulmate).
The first psychic told me that yeah she could see us together. The next visit I was told to move on. He's not ready.
The next medium/psychic told me that he and I will marry. But also told me to be patient and handle him gently. Guess I freaked him out and wasn't gentle enough !!!
The last medium/psychic I saw told me to walk away.....she couldn't see him giving his heart to me any time soon.
The list goes on with the 3 mediums/psychics I've seen....back and forth, back and forth.
Decided just to go with my head on this one. And that's how I cut him out of my life. Used my head....not my heart.
Nothing hurts more than saying I love you (and always have) to someone. And then all of a sudden...it's over !
Still feel like I have more to talk to him about....and I know he feels the same way. As it was left very abrubtly, agree to disagree, I guess.
But now's not the time. Need to kinda banish him from my life right now.