Will she ever return?
I'm disappointed about it and become almost too jaded about it to care anymore, but I still always wonder if this girl will ever come back and say something. My heart and mind tell me quite strongly that this girl is not ever going to come back, and if she ever does it will not be with good intentions and that I should be ready for anything. I've never been fond of attacking people, but I'm all too familiar with striking back in retaliation. I don't know if this is the right place to put this, but I'm just curious about it.
We had a relationship going through summer of last year all the way up to December 21st, which ended horribly. I was confused, angry, and saddened by several things. For one, she lied to me about her past relationships. Two, she lied to me about why she left. Three, she tried to fool me into destroying my perfectly good friendships with the others she was trying to distance herself. Four, last but certainly not least, she tried to change me. I'm all for change, and I move quickly, but anything that tries to change me is considered and obstacle and I don't normally go around obstacles, I go through them.
There was a whole load of reckless retaliations between the two of us and I think somehow she knows that I still read her tumblr because I'm trying to see if anything is ever going right with her anymore. Her passive aggressiveness unnerves me, as it seems like she is trying to make me feel crappy about 'leaving her', when really... I didn't even want to hold onto her any longer. I wanted her to stay as my friend, no doubt, because I wanted her to become part of my project. Now, I don't want her to have anything to do with my life's work or anyone else involved with it, I just want answers from her. I want to know if she is ever going to step forward again to tell me what really happened, so then I can finally forgive her and move on. I can't ever forgive someone if they do not admit their wrongs.
All I ask is if anyone would be able to tell if such a person would come back, even after all that has happened. I'm not asking for 'When', just 'If'.
You have a lot of anger in you. So much so that it has become an accepted part of your life. It's part of your language "destroying... reckless retaliations..." and so forth. Your anger serves you, has served you, because you've learned to channel it constructively - you go "through obstacles". But now you are experiencing the shadow side of anger. Now you need to learn to recognise when anger is no longer serving your greater good.
Why can't you forgive someone if they don't admit they're wrong? Just because we forgive people doesn't mean we are justifying their behaviour or giving them free pass to do it again. If you recognise they have done wrong, then what does it matter if they cannot see it?
This inability to forgive her, which in turn is holding you back from moving on, is a reflection of your inability to forgive yourself...
Learn to forgive yourself and you'll free yourself to move on.
Peace, love & light to you,
You're right... I really have been holding onto this for far too long and, deep down, I know I'll never get anywhere. That anger is actually the one thing that terrified her so much, but I suppose either I couldn't control it as well as I do now or perhaps she didn't know that I could and none of it was directed at her. I imagine a barrage of fire, explosions, and missiles would seem intimidating to anyone that was looking onward, but if only they know it was never aimed at them then perhaps they wouldn't worry.
Thank you so much, Piscean Healer. I guess I just needed a little push in the right direction again, hmm?