Watergirl - need your advice
This is pertaining to to the replies you gave on my other thread.
I have been offered a temp job, after the interview - albeit not the one I wanted. Thanks for getting me to think positive about this opportunity. I still feel very nervous, but I feel better now than when I first wrote about being uneasy. I really hope this job works out.
On my friend, you wrote:
...he is indeed going through a very difficult time in his life and he does suffer from depression (there may also be some substance abuse here). He needs to seek help through counseling so that he can resolve these issues and grow into the mature, confident man he was meant to be. If he seeks counseling, he will once again have a positive outlook on life and will have the energy to look forward to the future with confidence, but the choice is up to him. As far as you are concerned, I feel you should be ignoring the influence and gossip of others - exercise independence of thought and trust your instincts. You are a kind, loyal and caring friend and that is what he needs right now. I feel that you will be instrumental in him seeking the help he needs. Sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him. Just be mindful of being helpful without becoming his enabler - watch your boundaries.
i cried when I read your reply. Not only does confirm what I felt - but now I feel sad cos I don't know how I can help him.
I can't believe the coincidence of this. If anyone were to understand what my friend is going through - it may be me (cos I was with a disordered parter a few years ago, and had depression as a result of the emotionally abusive relationship).
I learnt the hard way about boundaries and enabling - which is why even as I started to suspect my friend may be troubled, I felt it wasn't my place to intervene.
See - we aren't close. We were very chummy for a short time, and then suddenly he became aloof, and now he never has time for me.
We never got to that stage where we can talk feelings. So it'd be difficult to bring anything up, let alone have a heart-to-heart talk. I feel that he wants to be known/seen, yet is afraid of the same exact thing. That he wants to get close to me at times, but is hesitating to come to me. He did confide about something a while back, but then he went back to being aloof.
He is extremely high-functioning and doing very well professionally. Never misses a day at work, very committed to his job. Very active, sporty, responsible. He doesn't strike me as the sort who would abuse drugs/alcohol, although I know he sometimes has insomnia and self-medicates for that.
I believe counselling is not something he would do. But I'll always there for him if he were willing to open up. And I feel that interacting with him can bring some positivity to his life (and to mine).
But then cos of his mood swings, I never know if or when I should approach him, or if he appreciates any interaction. He can go from being the friendliest mate, to a sullen withdrawn person, to acting like you don't exist.
I try to depersonalize his behavior, but it hurts and confuses me too - this push and pull thing.
Right now, I'm trying to contact him more, ask him out and send him random texts, to let him know I haven't forgotten him. That I miss his company. But I don't know if I am just annoying him, cos his responses are lukewarm.
First of all I sincerely apologize for misleading you. After your reading I felt that something was off - I was getting a message that I misinterpreted because I did not have the whole picture. My instinct was that this man was not just a "friend" to you and this is why the reading was off. I was going to post something right away, but then thought I would wait to hear your reponse (that pesky self-doubt). When I did your reading, I felt a great struggle going on and sadness, but I was wrong in thinking that this was him. This was you - struggling to hold on to him and filled with anxiety and sadness over it. I am sorry, but things just are not going to gel between the two of you the way you want. All that nurturing and compasssion I felt was you being overly attached to him. Spirit wants you to focus on yourself - your own healing (not his). This relationship occured to teach you something about yourself - learning boundaries and to be complete and whole on your own without looking to someone else to fill an empty space. Release your desire to manipulate the situation into something other than what it is. As bad as it feels right now there is a positive end to this - just not the one you are envisioning right now. Develop the capacity to be alone...to be happy as you are right now and not in "need" of a man.
Once again, I am so sorry I misled you.
I revisited the job situation as I remember feeling that something was or would be missing or revealed and there was a strong suggestion for you to find your inner strength...
This job interview and offer is a two-part test for you...to learn to discriminate and see through to the truth or heart of the matter as well as mustering up the strength to assert yourself by communicating your needs or concerns clearly. I still feel like this is not what it appears to be or there is some sort of conflict - have you sold yourself short or settled for less than you want? I am getting that through this experience you are being offered the opportunity to resolve this inner conflict - realizing your worth and holding out for what you want instead of settling for less and having the courage to speak up for yourself. This will result in something better for you. I feel like it will be something new coming your way, but it might just mean that they will revise their offer in some way.
Thanks Watergirl and Spirit - I really appreciate this.
I'm really trying. I was actually happy being on my own after I had healed from my previous relationship - until this guy came on to me.
I held back initially. But I really enjoyed his company. It felt good to relate to someone who has the same interests, whom I can connect with on the same level, and just be there for each other. Just as I finally allowed myself to grow attached, he distanced himself.
I thought I was trusting my instincts with him. I'm now just very sad - cos I feel like I led myself into a trap. I was ok for so long, now I'm pining for something I can't have.
Though I can function being alone, I've realised I feel a deep-seated feeling of loneliness. And even then, it's not a need of a man per se - just a wanting to be with this particular person and to share who I am, to learn, to interact. There had been another opportunity with someone else before - but I didn't 'bite' until this one came along.
Argh, why him, why now.
Yes you are right - I feel like I'm settling for less than I want - with this job. It isn't what I want, in terms of $$ or scope. And it will be yet another stint on my CV of a job that goes nowhere.
I feel that they'd be getting me on the cheap for this temp job - which I'm overqualified for - instead of giving me the chance on the other job that scares me but in which I'd learn more. Ironically I would settle for lower pay, in a scope that i prefer. They were pressuring me to give an answer over the phone, and I gave the impression that i was keen on the job.
But I felt taken advantage of and couldn't come to terms with it.
So I wrote to them last night, asking if it's possible to revise the offer upwards a little. It will make the offer more palatable for me - though it still isn't what i want to do. I'm short of saying it's a waste of time. If I weren't desperate for a job, I would pass up this offer and keep looking. But I'm trying to look at it positively - it will help buy time for me to find something else.
The company has revised it's offer based on what I asked.
Am happy about that but I've also learnt that the company can afford to pay much more - and whatever I felt about them getting me on the cheap - is probably true.
Had i known this, I would have negotiated for higher - but if I do that now, I may well lose the offer entirely.
So I will just give it a shot and hope that I'll enjoy the work, colleagues and the environment.
And further to my earlier replies about my friend, is it wrong that I long for a companion?
I've always remained unattached for years in between relationships. I do enjoy my own company, and the freedom and independence of being on my own, not having to answer to anyone, and being able to just be. I have lovely friends and my own hobbies/interests and I'm learning to look after my health and fitness too so there is a good balance there.
But what I now know - is that I feel very lonely. I want to share who I am, how I think/feel with someone, to challenge/to be challenged, to learn and grow together.
I don't fall for just anyone and wouldn't settle for being with any available person - just to avoid being alone. So you can understand how painful it is to meet someone I feel a connection with - who seems to like me on some level - but to have none of it working out at all, and then have morsels of mixed signals every now and then. It's just v maddening.
I have been alone for most of my life. I thought - if anything - the universe is trying to tell me I'm ready to let someone else in. That though I guard my freedom fiercely, that I can learn to trust in that process of inter-dependence once again.
That's why I don't understand what is going on in my life. Why I'm being tested this way...
The relationship and work situation are mirroring the same issue for you. I think they both are happening at the same time as a way to unearth some hidden insecurities in you...a lesson that keeps repeating itself in your life. The lack of fulfillment you are feeling despite how things "look" on the outside is due to a missing ingredient within you. Is selling yourself short (in work and personal relationships) a pattern for you? The biggest thing for you right now is learning clarity and discernment. You get yourself worked up into a ball of confusion because of fear and your perception gets clouded. This fear and "fogginess" leads to a form of self-imprisonment - then you find it hard to let go when you know you should and hold onto situations for too long when they are not right for you. You also have a hard time letting go of your disappointment when things don't go the way you want. Remember that deep down, what you believe is what you will create and in this instance, what you resist will persist. This is about behavior modification and changing your thought process. You need to do your best according to the situation(s) you find yourself in, but also have the courage, conviction and inner-strength to stand up for yourself and what is best for you. This is the empowerment and self-assertion message I was getting for you previously, but this needs to be done from a calm and balanced place instead of acting out of fear or impatience. Negative thinking, self-doubt, dependency, feelings of hopelessness, dwelling on the past - these all need to be replaced with optimism, self-empowerment, confidence and enthusiasm. Remember that you are not alone! I still have a strange feeling about this new job - that it may not go the way you want, but I could also just be picking up on your fear and confusion. Whatever happens, I am getting that it will be a developmental milestone for you. If things do not go well, remember the lessons above while you are going through the process and do not let it defeat you. Do not allow the people at the new job to take advantage of you. If it is part-time or temporary, then keep looking for something else - something better and that is better suited for you - that doesn't sell you short. For now, keep your mind open to the possibility of new beginnings.
Thanks for your words. It is good advice and I will try to internalize it.
Think you're right - I have sold myself short this entire time, esp with jobs.
I want so much to have career stability/progression but instead I have been stuck in a pattern of contract/temp jobs that lead nowhere. Think I made a wrong turn over 10 years ago, and every step since has been a struggle to get out of this mess.
I've never had the financial resources to hold out for something that I'm better suited for. I needed to be working, so I've been going with the flow, doing my best in the jobs I found myself in (as you said). I took things in my stride but I guess the dissatisfaction never went away. And now frustration has arisen because I've been doing this for 10 years, and age, and financial responsibilities/practicalities have caught up with me and are forcing me to try and fix things.
I now feel very disappointed in myself and in the situation - and this is what you're picking up on. This disappointment has 'spilled' over into my feelings about relationships and the lack of them in my life, perhaps inflating the issue bigger than it is.
I am lonely - yes, I miss him - yes, I want a companion - yes, but if things were working out in my job/career/finances, I would feel less off-kilter.
I keep thinking: what would I really like to work in, or work as?
Then I discovered a love for dance. Thought I could consider learning and teaching dance. But then out of the blue, health issues cropped up and my body is not as strong/agile as it should be. I've been trying to strengthen the body with a fitness/conditioning regime. It's early days yet, but seems like I have underlying joint misalignment probs - means that I'll not be able to withstand the rigours of proper dance training, w/out injury.
I've been trying to come to terms with this, i.e dance is still meant to be enjoyed as a serious hobby, and not as a career.
But now what? Know what i mean?
In a way, i feel that my difficulty in letting go of disappointment - and remaining in situations and with people who aren't good for me - is due to the feeling of having so little, if nothing, go right for me all this time. So I suppose I get triggered by the feeling of loss, and then I struggle with letting go.
My peers have stable jobs, many are married whereas I'm stuck having achieved nothing tangible. Many have expressed that they don't understand how someone with so much potential has fallen so far short. I try not to get bothered by this but truth is, I too am wondering what is wrong with me?
This new job - I'm not sure what else they could be holding out on? I will try and stick up for myself. If there's something good that has come up out of this 10 years of wandering, it's slowly learning to be more assertive. I just want to do my best and still search for something else. But I don't know what i'm searching for.
I've reached a critical stage of needing to put my career affairs in order, and I don't know how - because all i've done so far is stuff I can do, not what I want to do. And I can't do what i love to do (dance). And I don't know what other path I can pursue.
Sorry for this long message. Just please let me know what you make of it...
Aw, honey, I feel for you – I really do. The truth is this isn’t about your career or your love life. All of us tend to look to one area of our life to be “fixed” and think that will solve or lessen our other problems…but it doesn’t. This issue goes to the very core of your being and you are in that difficult process of metamorphosis – a complete change of consciousness.
You want to bury the past and create beneficial change in your life which is understandable. The first step is to truly release the disappointment and frustration you feel about the past and your life – that holding on thing you do. Feeling disappointed or let down is creating more of that energy around you and it is depleting you. That’s why you don’t really feel like you have the energy to start anything new or look forward to what’s coming up next in your life. I know you think, “but I’m trying so hard and nothing works out for me – why?” But at the same time you are trying so hard to create something new, you are also still feeling like all your life you have just been spinning your wheels and haven’t created anything. Disappointed, frustrated and depressed. Understand that everything that has happened in your life has brought you to where you are right now and you are right where you are supposed to be. It’s that oh so difficult lesson of living mindfully – in the present moment – and from a place of inner peace, grace, gratefulness, and abundance. You need to accept that you have worth. Just as you are. The job doesn’t give you worth. A relationship doesn’t give you worth. You are inherently worthy – nothing external can give or take it away.
So the first step is to make a conscious choice every day – even every minute at first - to release the negative energies of holding on to the disappointment of perceived past “failures” and feeling as though your life does not have meaning. Remember that which we resist, persists – whatever we focus on we are putting our energy into and that is what we are creating. So STOP thinking about problems and steer your focus and attention to the now and operate from a place of inner peace. Be positive about the new job and about where you are in your life right now. Surround yourself with friends who support you and the way you want to feel about yourself. I’m sure your friends love you and mean well, but steer clear for now of those who give you those back-handed compliments that make you feel as if you have failed somehow. Do things that bring you joy – dance! Then open yourself up to FEELING the possibilities of your future even if you don’t specifically know what you want those possibilities to be. Believe in your heart that you are indeed on a precipice – the threshold of a new journey in life that will bring you all the love and abundance you desire and MORE. Don’t worry about not knowing what you really want – just focus on the feeling of having what you want and give it up to God. Release control. Ask your Angels and Guides to speak to you through your intuition and give you signs that you will easily recognize and understand that will lead you toward that which is best for you – the manifestation of your desires.
Once again, this process you have been going through is about changing your habits and your consciousness…building your faith both in yourself and in the Divine. You are almost there so don’t give up! And, most of all, remember that you are never alone and that you are loved.
Thank you so much! Almost feel as if you were here beside me, giving me these lovely words of advice, kindness and encouragement.
I'm gonna try my best to look to the new job with positivity - no matter what happens. And we'll just take it from there.
Thank you once again
Good morning watergirl18!
Upon reading your posts, I am hoping you can shed a little light as to what is going on in my life. Just over 1 year ago, I relocated back to IL (my home state) and it has been one heck of a roller coaster ride. After applying for over 1,000 jobs I am still unemployed, which is just a tad frustrating and is affecting the relationship between my boyfriend and I.
I have never thought myself to be full of insecurity, but I am having a very difficult emotional time dealing with his ex-wife. He and I have been together for just over 1 year and we currently reside together (in his home they shared as a family). It isn't so much that I have to deal with her that often and when we do we are cordial to one another. I know (or hope) this has to do with how I feel about myself, but there are times I question if "things" between them are truly over. If you have time, can you please shed some light my way?
Thank you so much! Peace,love and light to you...
Formerly hopefulinAL and now hopefulinIL
Your fears or doubts about your relationship are just a manifestation of the insecurity that is arising within you from being unemployed. You are not the only one going through this - there are so many people (myself included) who are in need of employment - applying and never hearing from them or getting an initial interview and then nothing. The longer it goes on, the more tension that builds - that negative energy then begins to snowball. You need to clear out this energy and replace it with the positive - a hopeful and faithful attitude about your future and your possibilities. Take some time each day to meditate or just be still and find that place of inner peace and harmony. Breathe deeply....breath in positive, happy energy and exhale out all the strife and worry. Be patient and just focus on being happy with what you do have. Anxiety and fear will only attract more anxiety and fear. Gratefulness helps create that positive energy that will attract abundance. Stay focused on your goal and remain positive no matter what. Remember to do things each day that bring you joy - taking time out to play in some way. Have faith and KNOW that things will work out in your favor in the end.
Thank you so much! I have been trying to remain positive, but just get a bit overwhelmed and let my imagination run wild. They have 2 sons (12 & 17) and he remains an active part of their life, I wouldn't be with him if he wasn't. I want to thank you for taking time out of your schedule to address my concerns.
Forever Hopeful in IL
Sorry to bother you. Just feel very low.. Sometime this week, I tried to consiously decide that I have to move past this guy. then I just fell into a low place. I'm doing ok at the new job but it's hard cos I don't feel like being around people too much...the interaction irritates me and wears me out.
I was ready to open my heart again. After so many years. This seemed like a good opportunity. It seemed to make sense. Like the next step in my evolution as a person. And now I'm stuck trying to let go and it hurts and I don't know how to do this.
I want to love and be loved. But all this inner turmoil... has released cynicism and pessimism - it's made me feel once again, that I don't want to be with anyone. Even my friends, whom I ordinarily look fwd to seeing...
I've been sent backwards. And I can't help but wonder how could this be the grandplan?
Sorry I'm just struggling at the moment.
First of all, I know you are hurting and I can truly empathize, but you must realize that your desire for this man is really your soul crying out for a source of fulfillment. No man can fill this hole and it is (or has been) a personal journey for every single woman I know to come to this understanding….that we must find that which fulfills and rewards us regardless of whether there is a man in our lives or not. Resolving the inner so that we can manifest what we want in the outer.
What is happening now is a vicious downward spiral and you need to stop the momentum and then reverse it. Your loss of the man you wanted and the delays and setbacks you are experiencing in finding a fulfilling career have filled you with disappointment and regret and you are feeling defeated. You feel that all your dreams have gone unfulfilled and like life has been full of empty promises so you have run out of energy – totally depleted – and you are giving up . You no longer believe that things will get better – like the Universe is against you in some way – and life is just going to continue being a struggle with no relief. You have lost faith in yourself and in the Universe and have therefore lost all hope in your future. This is such an important lesson you are going through. I know, because I still struggle with it…
You must believe that there is something better on the horizon for you and shift your internal experience so you do not sabotage yourself. It is absolutely true that what we resist, persists. That is to say, what we put our energy into is what grows. So if we focus on the lack, disappointment, regret, loss, etc. – that is exactly what we will get more of. To think is to create. This is a lesson in personal power. Do not allow yourself to get dragged under!
Stop blaming yourself or feeling like you did something wrong – like there is just something inherently wrong or unworthy about you – because it is simply not true! It is so imperative that you get out of this current mental prison you are in as it is oppressive and literally stifling you. Make a concerted and conscious effort to release your emotional and energetic attachment to past disappointments, regret, or “failure.” Start by releasing your resistance to “what is” and try to remember that every experience we have has a positive end in view – everything happens for a reason and is ultimately for our Higher good. This relationship did happen for a reason 0 it has helped you to identify what is missing and what you really want - it is helping you to heal.
Start to assume more control over yourself and your well-being by practicing control over your thoughts and emotions. When those negative thoughts and feelings come up – refuse them – cast them out! Replace them with positive thoughts and a more positive state of mind. If you are struggling with finding positive thoughts, then focus on gratefulness. Be grateful for the roof over your head, clothes on your back, food on the table, etc.
Open your heart again. BELIEVE with all your heart that you will be provided for and that something WILL replace the emptiness you currently feel. Rise above your current emotional limitations and trust that God works in mysterious ways – that there is a Divine Order or Plan in your life – and you will and are being provided for. Open your mind to the possibility of a new beginning filled with laughter, joy, love and happiness.
You know what's the irony - my friend whom I am trying to let go of is the one who unwittingly helped me feel better. He was the only one who noticed something was amiss, without me saying so. I opened up a bit to him (not stuff about him) and he offered his opinions and also tried to cheer me up. In fact, he's been closer to me this last week than in months. Hope is a cruel thing at these moments... Also concerned about him. He's developed an injury that's not going away. And he's relying on painkillers to get through his job, which is very physical. Worried
About the job - you were right. I'm only 3 weeks into the job and they are interested to extend me for a longer contract. Might this have been the strange feeling you had about the job not being what it appears?
I would have been over the moon, since this offers me the job security that i really need. But I'm not sure I want this new expanded role. It will mean taking on more than I'm prepared to. I had an understanding that my job would be a back-end one but this new role will be more front-line (interacting with people from different cultures and most of whom would be management staff) and it scares my introverted self. Esp when there is a huge gap in knowledge between the person I'm taking over the responsibilities from and myself. She's the nicest lady but she never seems to have time to teach me. It leaves me feeling scared that they'll throw me her work and leave me stressed and running around trying to get help, while people hound me for resolutions. This is exactly what happened when she went away on business for a week. Fortunately, one of my other colleagues helped me on almost everything, since i knew pretty much nothing
Another concern I have is that the new role will require long hours. I know myself. I only perform well when there is a balance in my life. I don't mind a job which pays less if I can leave on time and pursue my other interests and have a life. But from what i observe of my colleagues, my new role will not allow for this.
I feel like I have to be upfront about what I feel and see if they may still have a place for me, albeit in a more backend level that doesn't require regular overtime. And just risk that I'll either be terminated early (while they find someone else) and it's back to job-hunting now or in a few months.
As much as I want to grow and learn and be open to new opportunities, I also do not want to say when I mean no.
What do you think about all of this?
Watergirl - bump
About the job. I don't know if I should consider an offer if it is made. I've already voiced my concerns to my supervisor. She understands and she herself is planning to leave. She suggested we talk to the big boss - but I get the feeling my perspective will fall on deaf ears.
About my friend. He made a move on me. There was a kiss - 2 actually. Taken aback cos I'd been trying to convince myself it was one-sided.
last few days he's texting me everyday. Cheery smses. But then it's starting to change and the texts are sounding distant and formal again.
And meanwhile, I'm just very confused. I don't know what he wants. Part of me wants to explore this, the other part wants to run away. Maybe he feels the same way?
I don't know if it's just a physical attraction for him. Maybe he got caught up in the moment. Or maybe he wants more?
We were in this situation a few months ago and he hightailed out of there before anything happened. Bt at least we were still safely in the friendship zone then.
And now this happened. I'm scared he's repeating his actions and will just grow distant. As he did before.
For what its worth, he need not fear that I will make demands on him or his time. He wants his space, I need mine. We're both busy and have our own routines. it suits me fine to get to know him slowly, in the little time we're able to share with each other.
major confusion. Would appreciate some insight if you can spare the time.
Hi Danceur -
Sorry, I've been on a bit of a hiatus. First, with regards to the guy, I know it sounds harsh, but the reason you only feel better when you get some attention from him is because that is what you think you need to feel better. Sometimes when a man knows that a woman clearly likes him it is an ego boost for him. So when he notices her pulling her energy away or moving on, he throws a little attention her way to reel her back in. That little bit of attention is all she needs to continue to hang on hoping that it means that things will turn around and they will become the soul mates she wants them to be. This could very well be sub-conscious on both your parts.
Anyway, I did a new relationship spread for the two of you and I'm sorry - I know how much you want things to happen with this guy and I can totally relate - but I am just not getting that this is the right choice for you. You are showing up as being a bit too dreamy and emotional and not seeing things clearly because of it. Things just are not what they seem to be and I am afraid that this is going to be a very fast, furious situation that will come to a quick end. He is not really ready to be in a committed relationship and he is also I believe not really sure how he feels about you (either that or he is totally insecure and that's what keeps him from being in a healthy relationship). That being said, I know you will probably go ahead with this to see where it goes. I just feel the responsibility to warn you against it as it is not showing up as a life lesson or learning experience for you, but as a move you should clearly not make. As far as the cards I pulled...
The foundation of the matter is the 9 of Swords...the situation is 10 of Swords...crossing you is 5 of Wands.....crowning you is the Tower. It is difficult to find ambiguity here. This is a dead-end situation for you. You as the Queen of Cups is about being dreamy, emotional and unfortunately clinging to an illusion. This Queen is also the co-dependency queen so you might need to look at your feelings of self-worth or why you are attracted to this man in the first place. Is he broken or needy in some way? The Magician in the past I believe is about some communication between the two of you and what has given you the feeling that your desire is manifesting into reality. 2 of Wands as your near future is about partnership matters, however there is always a feeling of being in limbo - waiting for an answer or for something to happen - and it also suggests that personal power or leadership will be an issue. Page of Swords as your blocks - this page often points to some upsetting news or communication, however he has the ability to see things clearly - with logic rather than emotion. Since this is your block it suggests you are not seeing things clearly and need to override your emotions with logic and a clear mind. Your advice is the Knight of Wands. Everyone always wants to believe that this is the Romeo card - the knight in shining armor - but usually (and also based on all these other cards in your spread) it points to things not being what they seem and allowing emotions to override. He is the 9 of Wands, which as a relationship card is not good. This card shows someone that does not look too sure about himself or about getting involved in something - doesn't have the energy or passion to muster up. It also shows someone guarding oneself - protecting old wounds perhaps. The 8 of Wands as an outcome card - based on all the other cards in the spread - tells me that this situation will burn out quickly and is possibly an ill-considered decision that will result in wasted energy or effort.
So now about the job. I did a separate spread on this question for you. When looking at these cards, it really could go either way, but I am getting a strong sense that you are once again being overly emotional as well as too pessimistic about this opportunity. It feels like the core of the issue for you is not just growth, but also like you have a deep-seated fear of failure that you may not even be aware of. It is time to step into the next level of maturity and be more committed with regard to your job/career rather than going from one job to the next. The outcome is a major transformation for you and a necessary part of your growth. If you want to know how I got to this conclusion....
You: 7 of Cups
Crossing: 4 of Cups
Crowning: 5 of Cups
Foundation/Basis of the Matter: 9 of Wands
Recent Past: 6 of Swords
Present Situation: Hierophant
Near Future: King of Cups
Blocks: The Fool
Environment: Queen of Cups
You as the 7 of Cups clearly shows that you are confused and emotional about this opportunity. The 4 of Cups is about apathy and disengagement - refusing what is being offered, however since this is what is CROSSING you, it is not what you should be doing. The 9 of Wands below and the 5 of Cups above both speak to your fear of failure and not wanting to commit to this as well as being pessimistic. The 6 of Swords in your recent past is about being given the opportunity to leave your troubles behind or to hang onto them. The Hierophant in this case really just represents the work place as well as an opportunity for spiritual growth. King of Cups in the near future? This is up to you...it can represent emotional maturity, responsibility, trust, respect and professionalism or it can represent insecurity, immaturity, neurotic behavior or escapism, and allowing your emotions to get the best of you. The Fool as your blocks points to this being a time to step into the next level - of growing up a bit - and also of taking a leap of blind faith with trust and optimism. Queen of Cups as the environment....she is a very emotional lady! The Lovers as your advice is once again about growing up - making decisions from a level of emotional maturity - and about commitment. Death is not just death, but the rebirth that follows. It is about major transformation - necessary and profound change. Also, empowerment, liberation, and leaving the past behind.
Wishing you the best and sending positive energy your way to fill you with a sense of strength and personal power...
Sorry - your advice in the relationship spread was the Knight of CUPS, not wands. I also wanted to say with regards to the job....examine why you are so afraid to take a chance. You are not signing your name in blood on something are you? What I mean to say is, if it doesn't work out then you can always move on. But if you don't take the opportunity you will never know and possibly never grow...
Thanks for your reading. Unfortunately, I think you are right. It was 2 weeks of daily sweet nothings - initiated mostly by him. Then a great date on Monday. Then yesterday - silence. So I thought I should initiate today. Mistake. The reply was so aloof. And i feel very stupid. I'm doing exactly what I did last week. Last week he replies so enthusiastically. Now, it just feels like he's fed up with me.
Same pattern from 3 months ago. I don't know why he's like this. I'm only giving back what he's been giving. He's doing 70-80% of the initiating, but I always respond appreciatively and initiate the rest of the time, so he knows he's wanted. But it just seems like he tends to give a lot at first and then fizzle out v fast. And then when he gets into that mode, he mades me feel that my gestures are unwanted attention. I just don't understand this. It's like Jekyll and Hyde.
Only this time, the stakes went higher cos this crossed past friendship, and just into non-platonic territory. I don't want our friendship to become awkward. Sigh.
About the job. a lot of the fear is from practical financial concerns. The feeling is of needing to find a good enough fit in a job and to break out of my pattern of trying jobs and then moving on. I've actually been doing the latter that all long. I was never afraid to try stuff, and move on if it didn't work out. But it looks like job hopping on my CV and now that I'm much older, it's so difficult for me to even find a job. So I actually do not have the luxury of trying - disliking and then quitting a job. Also I cannot afford downtime to find for another job.
That having been said, it seems I will have to take the job anyway - if it is still available. Cos the economy is starting to recede again. And I can't risk not being able to find another job.
Do you see where the pessimism comes from? I'm stuck in a loop of having to settle for jobs I do not want, purely out of practical financial reasons.
Watergirl, I'm sad that my friend is like this. For me it never was about plunging into a relationship. It was about the companionship and being able to enjoy each other, at our own pace. I just think the only thing I can do - is that if he chooses to fizzle into nothingness again, that I have to just pretend we never crossed the friendship boundary. And slowly learn to accept distance from him. It is the only graceful exit I can think of.