Help



  • This is my first post, and I am in need of some help. 8 months ago I met a Cancer man, I am a Cancer woman. I have been divorced for 2.5 yrs, he...since 2003. I am 45 he is 53. We love each other very much, and he shows me in many ways. Since august of 08 we have not spent a wk-end apart, and we see each other atleast 2x's during the week.

    What I need help with is this.. He has been very honest about his past. He remains friendly and close to his ex... the entire family is very close and I have no problem with any of that, have met her a couple of times at family functions. Have met the entire family and kids and it couldn't be better.. But.... he has never been faithful to any woman in his life.. not his wife of 24-25 yrs or any dating relationships, nor girl friends of past. I do all though belive he has been to me atleast these last 10 months. I have learned through other people that he has been faithful to me and he tells them I am differant, that he respects me and wants to be with me forever.

    He tells me all this too. I know he is planning on asking me to marry him. He has been telling me this since last October.. He says Love At First Sight, and that he was done the moment he saw me and we met that August night. But, there is something in my gut that just won't let me give my Heart to him a 110% yet.

    Am I holding his past against him?????? ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER??????

    Or is it my past, ..... my divorce???? Some one please help. He has taken a new job that will lessen our time together now.. We will be going back to seeing each other on wk-ends and once during the week. We do love each other... I know that...but there is something....

    Is it me?????? Help??????



  • Follow your gut feeling. Maybe he is faithful in the beginning of all his relationships. Will he always have this schedule? Do you live close enough so that you can be at his house with dinner ready when he arrives from work? Also, the ex and family need to see you with him as much as possible.

    I say take it slow. I believe once a cheater, always...just like my father and ex husband. Good Luck



  • Follow your gut feeling. 8 months is still your "honeymoon" period. Carry on enjoying your weekends and try and get together as much as possible. Try and arrange a fortnight holiday together, just the two of you....you need to see how well you two gel 24/7.....or, if he does pop the question, suggest living together for a while first. Dating & weekends you are both on your "best behaviour"!!! Best wishes



  • If your gut is telling you something is amiss, you better listen, and continue to use protection if you are having relations with him.



  • We have only been apart 2-3 days a week for the last 8 months. We have spent every Holiday together and all of his family knows me. We are always together, especially on wk-ends. I just don't know if my feeling is about me, or if I am holding his past against him.

    Sure would love a male opinion. I have asked my co-workers if a cheater can change and they all say yes...

    What do ya'll think. I haven't ever experience being cheated on... Least to my knowledge.



  • He may now be perfectly happy with you and has no intention of cheating you....it is difficult to believe a serial cheater can stop - he may be weak willed but at least you know what he is like and if he does start to stray you can effectively nip it in the bud, so to speak.



  • Thank you all for your imput. If there are any males out there that would like to chime in.... Feel free. Until then....ONE DAY AT A TIME.



  • You need to give men some freedom to cheat once in awhile and not make a big issue out of it. Otherwise they'll never stay with you forever



  • Sorry. I don't believe that. It is a big issue.



  • Sorry Arbil, I don't buy that. If someone hasn't got the respect to remain faithful to their partner there's something seriously wrong with that particular relationship ...



  • I don't agree with you Arbil, if men needs freedom to cheat just to stay forever with a woman.. then he is not respect himself first,and then his partner. How men will feel if a woman cheat on them?? They shouldn't make a big issue also...Right??

    Hines63, I think your gut feeling gives you a warning, you should not ignore it. Try and see what he's doing when he is around other attractive women..keep a close eye with his behavior..if he ignore them and pay more attention 2 you..then don't worry. If he pays more attention to them..then he will cheat in a first instance.



  • Remember this is free advice...

    I just ended a 4 year relationship with a 30 year old man, I am 54.

    Like you ,I look younger and he actually looks older. I was always bothered by our age difference, he wasn't. there was also the matter of children. most young men say they are ok with not having kids of their own.

    I was always the nurturer, and he loved that, however after time I began to resent being the giver. Men love to be taken care of, so, just make sure you are not the one giving all of the time. It looks to me like you are the one going to him more often, just pay attention to the red flags and be sure you don't justify all of your moves, in the name of love..

    My advice is to take care of yourself... get your own place, find your inner strength.

    if you do move in with him, let him be the man, the provider, as that is a mans responsibility, a real man that is. Many times when there is such an age difference we are looking for unmet needs.

    Chances are you will be doing all of the cooking cleaning and being there just as you have been doing for your three boys and husband. Something you have been conditioned for the past 30 years.

    It is new; and feels great to be wanted and turned on. something you haven't felt in many years.

    Ok now we get down to the facts.... Is he responsible with money? Does he live on his own,? Does he have heath insurance? What are his goals?.

    If you do move in together, please make sure you get a credit check, ( you can't buy a car or a home with out a credit check...protect your investment! invest in yourself)

    I know that doesn't sound romantic, but it does sound responsible, and believe me ,you will not want to be responsible for any of his debts, or the debts you may incur if and when the relationship may end. You may be older and you want to be wiser as well. Also you will want to keep your money separate. You can and will support his potential, just make sure you do not support him financially, That way you will have no regrets.

    One more thing.... have you met his parents? This is important! you shouldn't judge people by their family, but believe me, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. how he treats his mother is how he will treat you given time.

    You will follow your heart....

    Just remember to be heart healthy, we aren't as young as we used to be.

    Namast'e



  • Hey everyone... Help is back. God where do I start, remember I am a Cancer woman loving a Cancer man... Situations have changed, he's working further away now.. we back to Wed. and the wk-ends again. We are going on 11 months. I said Good Bye to him Monday, but he's not letting me go.. I have caved and we are seeing each other tonight.

    Now, I said good bye for several differant reasons. We both are financially stressed, and he starting a new job, but where did my sweet attentive man go...the one that didn't want to be away from me for a moment, the hearfelt txt's... have we just settled in, passed the Honey Moon phase.. No, he's not cheating... I know for a fact he's home every nite, and we txt constantly, and we talk atleat 2-3x's a nite... since we spent a month and half together while he was working much closer..... have we passed the honey moon stage... he has stopped talking living together in the last 3 weeks, is it because I told him I wanted no part of apartment living...( I have a home), I live in a lake resort community, and he is in the Metroplex.. Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? This week has been so hard, I love him, I believe he loves me.. Is he trying to get things figured out...Just don't know what is going on... And we cancers HATE THAT!!!!


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