Devastating changes all at one time...



  • I have had so many drastic changes happen in the last six weeks, that I don't know what to do. (july 17 bday, libra rising, leo moon). In the last six weeks, my marriage of 18yrs has fallen apart after I found out my husband has been cheating on me; my job has been downsized just when I need to be able to support myself and my kids; my best friend has quit talking to me for no reason that I can figure out; and a family secret involving me as a child, that I never wanted to be known has been revealed to everyone, causing my family to choose sides, and things to get nasty and ugly with each other.

    And then there is a guy I work with, who, upon finding out about my marriage ending, has started acting like he is interested in me--but he is 20yrs younger than I am, and I don't know how to deal with that, either! I'm afraid of living the rest of my life alone and unloved, but I don't know if this possible relationship is something serious or not, and I don't want to 'grab' onto something/someone just because I am having so many changes in my life. We are friends now, and I don't want to ruin that.

    I don't know what my future holds, and I'm really scared right now, and could use some guidance if at all possible.

    Thanks.



  • First of all the last thing you need to deal with is a relationship with a much younger man, a heartbreak is almost guaranteed. Just enjoy his flirtations and attention for now, at least unitl you are completely over your husband's painful choice.

    Secondly, there is an old saying that always helps me when I am in a jam, maybe it will help you, "When you don't know what to do, don't do anything at all". It really works, I think basically because it gets us back to the basics of life. Just STOP and allow yourself the time you need to find the solution or the answer and then move forward.



  • Hi, When it rains it pours. I have a feeling that the family secret was let out because the person wanted these facts known for some reason only they know. You wanted it covered because it was in the past. You might want to make your feelings known--it's in the past, no comment, and things have been forgiven (right). I had the same thing w/the younger guy. Might actually be healthy if you could go out and enjoy yourself. Count your blessings, don't be heavy of heart. You don't have to jump in the sack and you might have FUN. We never went out although looking back probably would have enjoyed myself. He flirted for about 2 yrs and then asked.

    Astrologically don't know what's going on but there's been some changes in my life too. I think in the long run mostly good though. Pray about your work situation and I hope something positive happens in this area for you. Don't know what to say about your husband. Pray about this too. I think the advice MVP gave was good about waiting. Good luck and may God bless you. Keep us posted.



  • I echo the above advice from MVP & Dalia. I've been through it too (ex hubby affair found out on our 15th wedding anniversary; 3 young kids & was made redundant a week later; enjoyed flirtations of a much younger guy....) BUT for me things have got better... .7 years later I'm remarried to a wonderful guy a couple of years younger than me!; had 2 more kids; good job; ....and yet I thought there would never be light at the end of the tunnel. Remain positive! Best wishes



  • You need to get used to relying on yourself first. And truth be told rebound relationships rarely last. Just enjoy finding yourself.



  • if my times are correct you were born the same year as my cancer friend(bday july 18 ,1971). let me tell you about life changes. his marriage of 17yrs is falling apart, he hasn't left yet because of his kids. during the saturn, uranus opposition on Nov. 4 he lost a local county election that he was banking on. now with his current job in the auto industry he isn't making any money, he's had to close friends die in the last month...life is hitting you two hard right now...he can't move forward neither cause he doesn't know what part of his life he needs to fix first...and here i sit waiting in the wing to pick up his pieces



  • I have recently had every part of my life fall apart..... In Feb I lost 2 close friends, had a fight with my sister (still not talking), broke up with my boyfriend and was made redundant...... I am still trying to come to terms with it all - was all VERY overwhelming at the time and I basically sat on the end of my bed for 5 weeks not knowing what to do!!!!!

    I got counselling - as it was all too much for me to cope with..... I am a Capricorn Jan 13..... So I am unsure if it is a Cancer thing or a 2009 thing........ My boyfriend is 17/07/1970 - so I can maybe take some of the above away from here for him....

    I am trying to find the person I was before all of this happened and am finding that I am quite a different person than the one of this time last year... A LOT has happened..... Depend on yourself and try to find things that you like to do - treat yourself once a week (if you can afford it that is) and just try and do things that make you feel better for being you.... You deserve to be happy and don't let anyone take that away from you..... And keep doing the positive reinforcement for yourself..

    My motto atm - I am going to be happy for me!!! And what ever happens after that is a blessing 🙂



  • Take it day by day and piece by piece. Forget about the younger guy right now...although...that might be a useful distraction, and helpful to your self esteem at the moment, but only like turning on the TV when you are too exhausted to deal with what you are dealing with. I wouldn't take it seriously.

    It seems to me, you have some grieving to do...I would say...take it on. If not, it'll come back later anyway as unresolved stuff that keeps you blocked in some way.

    Shit always happens all at one time, don't know why, but my last year has been similar and maybe even worse. That said, I find it helpful to prioritize what I need to do first to survive the roughest part of the loss...my first impulse would be think about the necessity of a paycheck...and that framework can be steadying in tough times, someplace to be every day. That is the rational approach though...and sometimes...the intuitive approach might be needed. Meaning, just give into it and let yourself fall apart. It might be just what you need.



  • So now it is time to figure out what your calling is. When we get shaken out of our comfort zones, it's a wake up call to get us to doing what our destiny is. my life took a very big tumble 2 years ago, with losing my mother. It got soo bad, I laid on the floor in the middle of my house and cried and prayed like I never thought I would stop crying. I ended up quiting my job, had to move from my house so i ended up moving 665 miles away taking 1 of my kids into the unknown. Life has been an adventure!! I have gotten to know me and I know that Jehovah will ALWAYS take care of me and that he has a mission for me so I need to pay attention!! The guy that's probably in his 20's while your in your 40's. That's a popular thing. Guys want an older woman because we are more patient, we aren't as jealous and they think they can learn stuff in the bedroom from us.and our age, we don't have to have as much foreplay, our libido is supposed to be higher. I wouldn't advise taking on ANY relationship right now. If you feel it's faltering then flirt for practice and as an ego booster. he's not going to be the last young guy chasing after you!!

    The past thing that finally came out, Can't go back and change it. And now that it's out, your family feels they need to vent. cause it's a new wound for them . It doesn't change who you are today. Wait for the dust to settle. My family had a lot of secrets that didn't come to light for over 50 years. I laughed about them and one of my sisters was angry. We grew up in a time when you didn't tell all. Men beat their wives and children and it was ok, to an extent. Plus, people covered their nationalities( we always thought G-pa was Czech like g-ma., I found out, he was Austrian) Now, we live in a reveal all age.

    The friend that ran and hid. Same thing happened to my sister when her marriage was falling apart. It was like her friends didn't want to catch the divorce bug from her. And some just didn't know what to say. Maybe a single parents support group in your area or online might help.



  • So now it is time to figure out what your calling is. When we get shaken out of our comfort zones, it's a wake up call to get us to doing what our destiny is. <<<

    Very true I think.



  • OH BOY.........My heart goes out to you! The only sound advice I can give you is this: DO NOT get into ANY type of relationship right now! You need alot of healing time. Your children should be first and foremost in you life right now. Turn to your children........PRAY and ask GOD to help you.....Ask and you shall receive.Trust me on this. Take care of yourself.......may peace and blessings shower you and yours...Peace ;o)



  • I have been with my a husband for 18yrs. We have had alot of up and downs including several broken promises. We have two children, 11yrs/8yrs. My heart has grown colder n colder and with no care in the world. I have become a great mother,an independent woman, have my career but have found my self not in love anymore. I have been thinking about leaving and have voiced it a couple of times, but not followed thru. I have seen myself in my own apt. with my kids and moving on. Its been on my mine for a couple of yrs, but have not done it because of the kids. They are sooo close with thier father.

    Until one day in March of this year, i find, on facebook, my first sweetheart, my first kiss. We start to chit chat back and forth and one thing led to another. I have not felt like a wanted woman in a long time. Feelings that I thought were lost and he managed to bring back.. Well, unfortunatly the fling is over.....I wanted to see if this relationship would even have a possibility, but I could not promise anything with me in the situation that I am in. This ended a couple of days ago...and of course I cannot get him off my mind.

    In May I told my husband that I was done and this time it was over for real. I have moved to the guest room for the past two months and I did not know how difficut it is to actually take a step like this. I have been looking for a place.......and today he tell me that he wants to seek a marriage counsling....something that he swore to me he would never do. I think I am going thru Menopause!!!!!!



  • << I wouldn't advise taking on ANY relationship right now. If you feel it's faltering then flirt for practice and as an ego booster. he's not going to be the last young guy chasing after you!!>>

    As much as I would like to be with this guy, I won't. We are friends, and I need to keep all my friends. I'm afraid if we changed the relationship, it would end our friendship. I started out as friends with my husband, and look how it turned out...I honestly believe that men and women can either be friends or lovers, but not both. 😞 Once you have moved into something more than just friendship, the friendship falls to the wayside, at least for men. The sex becomes more important than anything else to them; and for me, I just have a hard time being with someone I don't feel close to. I need to feel like we are friends, that there is more to the relationship than just sex. So, I guess that part of my life is over, since I can have a male friend who I feel close to, but once it goes further, I lose the friend...and then lose the closeness that leads to wanting to have sex. Guess I'll be alone after my kids are gone.



  • True life can throw you curve balls. My high sweetheart of 11 yrs. Walked out on me. And married another woman in less than 2 months. And now refuses to talk or have ANYTHING to do with me. It's been hard and some days are harder than others. Because I REALLY LOVED HIM. Sometimes I think more than myself. So now I'mhaving to relearn myself and how to love me first. It's not easy. But to all women learn To LOVE yourself FIRST. AND NEVER GIVE ALL OF YOURSELF TO A MAN OR YOUR CHILDREN. ALWAYS KEEP A PART FOR YOURSELF.



  • I think one of your statements was wrong. I don't believe that if a couple are lovers they can't be emotionally close. Some are. Some even think they are best friends. Have you thought about asking your pals about their relationships? You said that happened with your husband, but I think it was possibly just because you were incompatible. But if he stopped being close to you in other ways after moving to the bedroom, why on earth did you marry him?


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