Tarot Reading please?
I wanted some advice on what has been going on with me. A year ago, I was dumped and it hurt me very much because I loved him. Further, I don't know why he left. He told me that I was a fantastic girlfriend, but left anyway. It felt very strange and out of place for him to do that, and for the way he handled it. I was so lucky to have him, and I am still very proud of him. I miss him very much. I don't know what happened and my faith was shaken profoundly because of this situation. I started seeing repeated numbers after this, but I don't think that there's anyone there helping me through this. He and I haven't spoken since. I don't know how he feels now or what he thinks of me or anything else. Any type of reading will be appreciated.
My birthday - 6/21/1988
His - 5/13/1989
First of all, I am sorry you have been hurting. Please realize that this was part of a life lesson for you and although it seems too painful to be true, this is part of your healing.
Secondly, it is important to not try to focus too much on the "why" "why not" and the like with regard to why this man broke up with you. Women often get confused because the men act as if or say that they really love them or they are the "perfect" girl, but then break up with them anyway. Put yourself on the other side of the situation. It's difficult breaking up with someone because you know that in doing so you will be hurting another person's feelings. So you try to find a gentle way to let the person go so it will not hurt as much. You also don't really know what is going on with him right now as far as his journey in life - trying to figure all of this out is tantamount to banging your head up against the wall. Focus on yourself and your healing.
The cards are indicating that this relationship was not all you thought it was and you may have been a bit naive or just didn't see things as they really were. You are also now in a stuck place of clinging to him even though he is gone. The real problem is your underlying feelings of your self-worth and your lack of confidence that you will find someone else. Once again, this was part of a life lesson for you. Become a strong, passionate woman who can stand on her own without NEEDING a man and then the right man will come your way. Take control of yourself and your life for now. The first step is to realize that this relationship is dead and gone and it is time to move forward. Look to the future and stop dwelling on the past. A new relationship is waiting for you once you can resolve the past.
Thank you for your words, Watergirl. The thing is, I don't want someone else. I don't care, really, for the next person. I do want closure though. I want to know why it died. If it wasn't what I thought it was (and I did feel really deceived when it happened), then I do want to know what our relationship really was.
Why? What will it change for you? That mind set is just keeping you in stasis and prolonging your unhappiness. You don't want someone else because you are still clinging to him. You really need to let it go. The card that came up to show you as you are right now was The Devil. The card for your environment and this man was the 10 of Swords. You can choose to keep walllowing in it, but you will wake up one day and ask where your life went. Be good to yourself!!
Because I want to know what I did wrong. And I want to know why he would lie to me pretending I was that special to him when I wasn't.
And that is the life lesson for you. What you did wrong? You didn't do anything wrong! When a woman asks that question there is an underlying lack of self-worth. The truth is that men lie (and so do women). But when you have a strong sense of self you are more able to discern the truth in situations. Please don't beat yourself up over it and please realize that refusing to move on because you want to know "why" is really just a way to keep clinging to him. It prolongs the grief. Stop trying to figure it out. Give your mind a rest and surrender. Let the buried emotions come to the surface so they can be healed.
Then why did he leave? Why can't I learn about the things that went wrong and why can't I learn about the relationship that once was? Why can't I find out about what it really was in his eyes? I didn't deserve to be left behind but I do feel like I deserve to know the reasons why. I am not interested in dating, and I am not interested in what's going to happen. I an intensely emotional too and letting them come to the surface as they have always been didn't do anything.
He wasn't ready to settle down and be in a committed relationship, his feelings just were not as strong as yours, and he met someone else he wanted to have some fun with. It doesn't mean there was anything wrong with you.
You have the answer now, but it doesn't help does it? In asking "why?" you are really asking "why can't we still be together?" "why can't he love me back?" "why wasn't I enough?" It is just a way for you to continue holding on when you need to let go. The reason you are so intensely emotional and it is not helping or resolving itself is because you are resisting the truth and still clinging to the hope of him returning to you. You need to surrender - accept what is - and feel THOSE emotions. Trying to rationalize everything is also a way to avoid FEELING. You are resisting that acceptance, which makes it worse. Find a way to get to a place of accepting what is and understanding that it happened for a reason - even if you do not know the reason.
The real purpose of this relationship for you was to learn something about yourself. You put too much importance into him. He probably felt it - the neediness or clinginess - and that will push a man away every time. They sense it and run - especially when they are young and just wanting to have a good time. You were looking to him to complete you in some way. It's not that HE doesn't think you are enough, it's that YOU do not think you are enough. You said initially that you were proud of him and still are. Are you proud of yourself?
Find ways to start loving yourself and to fill that hole you are feeling inside on your own. You can do it, but the first step is acceptance - letting go. You might want to look into seeing a therapist if you find it too difficult to do on your own.