DESPERATE!! NEED READING PLEASE HELP!!
Ok... So I like this guy, I've liked him since high school, in high school he was hot and cold with me sometimes he wouldn't talk to me for days and sometimes he would come up and talk/flirt with me. When we graduated I still liked him still cause I would see him here and there, but I knew it would never go anywhere cause after high school I ran into him and he introduced his girlfriend to me. After a while he just disappeared so I thought he went off to college (later i found out that he actually got sick), Well ten years later I ran into him at his job and we exchanged shy glances but we didn't say anything to each other, when I saw him everything came back like that, my crush on him came back like time never passed. Then I found out that a friend of mine that also worked with him liked him as well (but that's another story ) long story short I became his friend on facebook and wrote him a letter telling him everything, how I liked him in highschool and how I still like him now, I gave him three days to write me back ( I didn't tell him about the three days that was just for me) and he never wrote me back so I deleted him as my friend. I was so hurt and humiliated, I put myself out there to only get shut down and ignored, but even though he still has never written me back I can't stop liking him, and I DON'T KNOW WHY!! I want to hate him, stop thinking about him sooooo bad but I can't. I did go to a psychic recently and she said that he does like me I just need to be patient with him, and that I was going to marry him and have his children. I don't know what to believe I'm so confused and hurt I need some more insight. Please someone help me so I can either move on or know the true about this "relationship".
You two are exact opposites in terms of your personalities and approaches to life, but opposites as they say do attract. When your opposing forces combine, they can produce a highly autonomous and independent relationship, a coherent single entity. You two do best when acting on your own, free from the influence of others and outside the limitations imposed by organizations and society. A further dynamic here involves your friend's tendency to bring your diffuse, cosmic energy down to earth. In return for this grounding influence, he himself will receive a tremendous infusion of spiritual energy from you. As lovers, you can be overwhelmingly attracted to each other, like oppositely charged particles. It is precisely this polarity that can make your love affair whole and fulfilling. Your marked differences of opinion and of temperament will sometimes lead to conflict but you two show an underlying understanding and acceptance, and your relationship rarely pressures you into being something you are not. Your views of each other are realistic and accurate and neither of you expects any more or less from their partner than he or she is able to give. Marriage can work well, and offer a broad spectrum of difference to your children, who will know instinctively which parent to approach in which situation.
So a relationship between you should work. Then why hasn't it ever gotten off the ground? Well, to start with, your friend has a fear of expressing his feelings and a deep need to be in control of himself and his situation. Thus, he can spend all his time and energy in seeking career advancement to the detriment of his emotional life. His is the type of profile where you commonly find people who marry the boss's daughter just to get ahead. He may settle for the appearance of committed relationships or caring that is devoid of content. He may also need to be the centre of attention and have an obsession with being adored/fear of being ignored, to the point where he scares people and opportunities away because they don't satisfy him enough - he may run towards affairs that give him a rush and make him feel temporarily loved, but not fulfilled in the end. He feels safe with and prefers security and structure to change so his progress may be slow in life and love. He equates love with control and it may take him years to believe that any person he loves is not going to fly away or drop dead. He can be way too serious and heavy and may even feel jinxed in love, avoiding having kids for fear of something bad happening to them or running from traditional family responsibilities, to make himself feel more secure. But in the end, it's a loving, nurturing, understanding friendship with someone, and not romantic dalliances, that will make him feel whole.
Sometimes a cataclysmic but necessary event must occur for him to awaken to the feeling realm. He may have an experience of passionate love that overwhelms his ego boundaries and becomes an obsession. Initially the event may cause a debilitating depression and withdrawal in him, but it may eventually bring a flash of realization or an epiphany that pulls him down from his high detachment into the soup of humanity. Then he may flounder for a while in a sea of conflicting emotion once he gives his feelings free rein. Ultimately, however, building a harmonious home life and caring for a family will be a greater fulfillment for him than any work goals. He must find the right balance between his work and home life. Though he will be loath to turn his attention to emotional issues and to explore his more sensitive side, he must transform his impulse towards service into the ability to reach out to others in more personal or emotional ways, to learn to be tender and kind with himself and with others.
In short, you may be the very best thing for this guy but, until he works through his issues and comes to the same realization, it may be a long time before you two get together - if ever. Just how long are you prepared to wait?
Thank you sooo much! This explains alot, I been told many times "you just need to be patience with him." "he's going thru alot." but so is everyone else that's life. He's had 10 years give or take to tell me how he really feels, and for ten years nothing. I think because he was my first real high school crush, he'll always have a place in my heart, but I'm not gonna pass on a good man who treats me right and doesn't take forever to tell me how he feels. That career thing is also true, before we had this falling out, he told me before that he's very serious about his future and his career. Once again thank you very much this has been eating at me for some time.
Good luck to you!