My Capricorn Man Needs Time To Think??!!???



  • I need some advise asap! Known this Cappy man all my life.Aries woman. Started a long distance relationship two years ago. Each time he would come into town we would only spend a very short time together and then he would disappear. he would not answer my texts call or emails until he would return home. Then he decides to move back to where we both originally live and we DID talk about really being together. He moved back but moved to another city to be with another woman!! He told me basically that I put more into it than what i should and it was only a friendship to him. He did tell me that he loved me and we shared dreams together and talks of futures together. Even found out that he had a girlfriend almost the entire time(not the one he ran away with). Two and a half months later, he returns to town it didn't work out and ended very badly We talked and he apologized for the way he treated me and we were intimate Now he says that he made a lot of mistakes and he's confused about his life right now and he doesn't want to drag me down with him. To "give him time to think" He says that he wants to make sure he is right for himself and right for me. I don't know if this is just another one of his lies or just something to let me down easy. I know not to push a Cap but I don't want to wait in vain either. He says he's scared of getting hurt again (did I mention he was divorced) and opening up. That his feelings for me made him remember the pain and he can't handle that again,but before he said he never had those feelings for me. I don't know what to believe. HELP



  • Hi luvthatcap! Hope everything is going great, I may be 19 but Ive been through alot in my life and I can honestly say I have the wisdom of a 70 year old woman if anything lol but here is my honest opinion:

    It seems to me like this guy was messing with your head from the beginning and living out his fantasies while he was in a relationship with his girlfriend (the one he had the whole time and possibly has problems with) and had alot of issues going on within himself (not giving him an excuse but it seems he has issues) before and when he met you. He probably developed some feelings for you but overall he was selfish and self centered in the matter and getting his own gratifacations out of the long distance relationship. It seems to me like he is juggling so many women and it is becoming a hassle for him as well as battling out whatever issue he has(hence the confusion)-it has nothing to do with the fact he doesnt want to drag you down with him (not trying to be mean but he is trying to be nice about the seperation in my opinion) . I believe this guy is a little self centered, immature and downright selfish in my opinion and doesnt really care about you enough because he was playing with your mind from the beginning but eventually developed some feelings overtime and began to feel bad for what he has down (more like pity and less love-no offense) . He knows your a great girl but knows he is not good for you so I believe you should leave him be. This doesnt seem like a healthy place for you to be-he has way too many issues going on and you dont need to be apart of this as many times as you have been hurt by him. I dont mean to sound rude or mean but I just want you to be happy and I know what it feels like to want a person to be one thing but their not-typical flaw of women. Its ok we all have it we should just adknowledge it and learn not to tolerate such beliefs.

    I hope Ive helped and again I dont mean to come off abrasive just wanted to give you my honest opinion. Love, light and blessings to you luvthatcap!

    🙂



  • What are the exact birthdates?



  • His is December 28th 1973 ( he thinks 11:59 am)

    mine is April 9th 1973 @ 6:57 pm

    thank you!!!



  • thank you and I never take things especially advise that way. (Not the typical Aries lol)

    No I don't trust him or his words through experience but somehow, he seems sincere this time. But I can't wait and it be in vain while he decides on his next move and I have no ground. Lost 15 lbs over this can't afford another ounce!! Don't want to push him and confuse his own ways of thinking either. Maybe I should walk away this time?



  • thank you and I never take things especially advise that way. (Not the typical Aries lol)

    No I don't trust him or his words through experience but somehow, he seems sincere this time. But I can't wait and it be in vain while he decides on his next move and I have no ground. Lost 15 lbs over this can't afford another ounce!! Don't want to push him and confuse his own ways of thinking either. Maybe I should walk away this time?



  • This relationship will only work as an equal partnership, and it is certainly not that now. The strong and silent face you two present to the world belies the burning sense of often frustrated ambition that you each carry within. Hidden and repressed desires, and their exposure, are the keynotes here - each person will be nurturing a concealed desire to be the leader, either within the relationship or the world at large, yet either or both of you is likely to contain this urge for the relationship's sake. Even so, whether at work or at home, the relationship can be complimentary as well as inhibiting, with your Cappy friend bringing needed structure and planning to any undertaking and you contributing drive and charisma. But your own ambition and drive can be suppressed in a matchup with this man, who will usually be more insecure than you, and will more easily get stuck in a lesser position. If so, he will not be happy if you surpass him.

    Cappy guy is likely to see you, as his lover, as selfish, egotistical, flighty, and unwilling to assume the responsiblities of everyday life in a practical or efficient enough way (which is ironic because that's how he himself behaves, but we often project our own faults onto others). You are actually quite capable of sacrificing your desires in service of a higher goal, whether it be marriage, family or love, so it will annoy you to be accused of inefficiency or self-centredness. The mixture of his earthiness and your fire may presage an ardent, at times even feverish love affair but one that offers little rest or tranquility to either of you. A sexual or love addiction must be guarded against because it can turn into a dark passion that is mutually consuming and destructive. A friendship here can be more stable and beneficial, but less exciting. If this relationship has become an addiction for both or either of you, then it is time to treat it like any unhealthy habit and end it, cold turkey, before it destroys you.



  • Thank You

    Should I not wait for him and just tell him that he's leading me on? Or should I give him more time. In such turmoil over this and it's becoming a bit too consuming and I don't know if he is thinking about this as seriously as I am..



  • The question then becomes - just how much time out of your life are you going to give this guy to come 'to his senses'? A month, a year, longer? Seems like he has done all the taking and you all the giving. How many opportunities will you miss out on while waiting for this guy to change his attitude - which he may never do? Don't you think you deserve better?



  • Absolutely deserve the best.. Just know how Caps stay in their heads and hate to be pushed into decisions Didn't want to make the wrong choice and it end up being a mistake. I do feel in my heart (head) that he is stringing me along because he doesn't know how to say he doesn't want me or he seeing if better options are out there. Either one hurts the same Wish he was honest.



  • Or am I lying to myself and he isn't a good man..



  • Now go back and read your own post: I don't know if this is just another of his lies. . . He has lied to you throughout your relationship (such as it was), led you on, used you, lied to you because he's lying to himself, had other women and on and on and on. First things first. If you really WANT to be with him (and why would you- so what you have a connection, so far it's only been when it's convenient for him)...demand a printout from a lab of blood test results for STD's...you've slept with him, so in reality these days, you're sleeping with all the women he's slept with and all of their partners. Ick. I had a Cappy fiance, who cheated on my...and that was that. He's gone, because I wouldn't take him back. Treat me like crap once, lie to me once, and you're done. I NEVER go back because walking backwards to that hurt and pain and abusive behavior is stupid. If you go back, you're saying "hey, it hurt so good the first time let's kick me in the teeth again! ...walk into the light of freedom, new beginnings and your own path. Obviously you are ambivalent about this- or you wouldn't be posting this question. As Bob Dylan says, "when something's not right it's wrong." Never forget that- when in doubt...DON'T! Stand in your own power and let the losers fall by the wayside...it's not your Karma to be dragged into their crap-believe it! Do right by your self ~ Sage advice from a triple Scorpio



  • Spiritsmeadow...you have said what my closest friends have not. Blessings to you for that. I love hard and I love true and everlasting. I know in my mind of hearts that he does not care, I have hope that eyes open when love is there in front of them. Believe me, this is not a joke for me and it's something that has to be handled asap. I think I'm afraid to walk away



  • Why - because you fear you won't find anyone else to love you? Not that you are being loved now. Are you afraid of being alone?



  • Not afraid of not being loved or being alone. Sometimes it is hard for people to accept love in their lives again after something traumatic happens and the walls become higher. Thought that was what was happening, it only gave him an excuse for mistreating me. If anything, I'm afraid of being right



  • If you believe you will be betrayed, you will be. If you believe you will be loved, you will be.



  • Thank you Captain. The thing is with him, I just honestly don't know what to do, say or believe. A lot of reflection these few days and I did call him about an hour ago to arrange a day to talk. I have to take care of me bottom line. I cannot wait for him to be sure about someone else and then do that to me again. He said he needs time to be a better man for the both of us and I soo want to believe him, just that he has fed me to keep me full not satisfied.



  • I hate to say it but Cappy's are generally workaholics. They value work, money and things over all else including human beings. I find them very cold hearted and selfish. Even a good friend of mine who is a Cappy...who was married with a child...was highly insecure person. He had a breakdown because he over-worked himself and at one time decided he was going to cheat on his wife. I am not sure if he did or not...but he did come to me for advice. I think he knew that I would tell him the honest truth about what I thought. And I did.

    I am very attracted to Capricorns because the look very good on paper. But if you delve a little bit deeper you realize that a lot of them are very high maintenance, take a lot of energy out of you...and rarely reciprocate because they are very selfish.

    I think this man has been lying to you, cheating on you, treating you very badly...regardless of what the relationship is between you and him. It is likely that his girlfriend broke up with him because she found out that he has been cheating on her. She probably thought that she was his only love too.

    This man does not know what love is. Love is something that we 'give'...not earn or take or abuse. It is kind, gentle, respectful. It is not envious. It doesn't make us lie or cheat. If you love someone, you make sure that they are happy. This man is not going to do that for you EVER. He doesn't know how.

    Cappys think of Love like Work. They think that everyone should 'earn' their love. This is generally considered emotional abuse. You don't want to be in this relationship because you will always be wondering when he will cheat on you or if he is lying to you. You will NEVER have a moments peace where you feel like you don't have NOT TRUST him. So you will always be unhappy worrying about what he will do next to you...and he will likely do it. He doesn't have a good sense of how to love.

    You need someone who will first and foremost take care of your needs. Make you the priority of his life no matter what is going on in his life. If a man treats you right, you will know it right away...and you will love him for it. You won't feel scared, frustrated or angry. You won't have any doubts or concerns because the right man will never give you cause for it. This is what you need...you are worth the love of a man who truly cares for you.

    With this cappy....you will never feel secure.

    I hope you make the right decision for you.



  • Hate to say it Karensm, but as the tears flow from my eyes I must close this chapter of my life. He can't hide behind the "pain" of his ex-wife using it as an excuse for being" afraid to love". This guy had two relationships since, not including me(that I know of). So he has put in effort no matter how little. May be a way of getting rid of me by allowing time or my frustrations do it. He is very passive aggressive. Sometimes you hope that what you hold in your heart for someone is enough to open theirs.



  • Hey luvthacap,

    Your cap and I share the same December 28 bday : )

    I will admit that caps are often misunderstood (myself included) and for good reason. Some say we are “cold, aloof, workaholics, that care about nothing but money.” There is some truth and untruths to all of this. We are actually extremely loving and giving TO CERTAIN people. We feel things very deeply, but only those very close to us will see this vulnerable side which gives us the negative rep.

    Anyway, several things about your post bother me:

    “He moved back but moved to another city to be with another woman!!” OK, I’m not sure what the individual circumstances were, but the fact that he moved to be with a woman demonstrates he CAN and IS willing to go after what he wants.

    “Now he says that he made a lot of mistakes and he's confused about his life right now and he doesn't want to drag me down with him.” I think he is being honest here.

    “says that he wants to make sure he is right for himself and right for me” I think he’s being only partially honest here.

    “No I don't trust him or his words through experience but somehow, he seems sincere this time.” You are wise not to trust him. I don’t think its you personally, I think he has emotional scars too deep for you or anyone to fix. I think he has some idea of how screwed up he is, but honestly until HE and he alone fixes that he will not change.

    “Didn't want to make the wrong choice and it end up being a mistake. I do feel in my heart (head) that he is stringing me along” Putting yourself and your feelings first can never be a mistake : ) Also he will/does not see himself as stringing you along because he has told you he needs time to assess.

    “Either one hurts the same Wish he was honest.” I think he is being as honest as he can be. I don’t think he knows what he wants.

    I feel for you I really do, but I don't think this man is emotionally capable of getting you what you need and deserve. When caps love, they love completely, none of this game playing and back and forth. They are too competitive and scared to lose you for that.


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