Help with family issues?



  • Wondering if someone could give me any insight to some of my family problems. I live with my dad and his wife, and I pay rent, take care of my own food/bills, etc. My dad is away a lot for work, which leaves the two of us together a lot. Things are hard. I'm not very comfortable at home sometimes, there's a lot of tension. I've been ranted at (for lack of a better word) by her multiple times for various things. I try to keep the peace and do what I can to make her happy, but I'm at the point now where I'm just tired of trying.

    I honestly feel like she has some anger problems, or some old hurts, that just keep haunting her. I'm not the only subject of her displeasure, just the one aimed at most often. I often feel like she lashes at me because I'm there, and whatever is bugging her is transferred to me. I'm usually quite drained at the end of these confrontations, and I try so hard not to let her draw me in, and just let her anger wash over me, since she usually really doesn't want my input anyway. I don't like all of this drama and negativity, and feeling unwanted and uncomfortable in my own home hurts.

    I know that its not all her, and I have my short-comings (I'm a bit careless and short-sighted when it comes to the house). But she gets so intense I feel like there's something more behind it, more than me. I've looked into moving out, but that isn't currently financially feasible.

    Any one willing to give me some insight?



  • Kaymrial, so sorry about your situation. Most likely you are right - it's not even about you personally, the anger is just there, and needs to be released. Unfortunately you are an availiable target, and nothing you can do about it, while you are still living there. Try to brainstorm your financial possibilities and make a plan to get out of there. Maybe to find a room mate to share some other place with ?



  • Hello Kaymiral,

    Yes the woman you speak of does have anger issues and she is teaching you how to become strong enough to stand on your own and how not to become just like her. It feels like you depend upon others to help you a bit to much and that the household chores are a bore to you and you feel that they will be there tommorow to do again so let it wait.

    You lack some much needed stamina to get out there and work two jobs if needed to release yourself from this holy moley fire pit at home.

    You will be meeting a woman by the name of Carol who will be a guide for you so listen to her carefully and follow her advice. You will be moving out on your own in six months time and will find the means through a weekend job to help you live on your own. You will be happy and I feel you living in a small apt at first and than as your life progresses you will own a home and have a family of your own in the next three to five years. I hear the name of Jean here with you also, you have a lot to look forward too, so get out there and get some life experience behind your belt as it make you such an interesting person to be around and talk to.

    Shuabby



  • Thank you guys for your advice. Shuabby, thanks for giving both of my questions a little of your time and energy. I hadn't really expected much response for either, just because I know stuff gets lost in the shuffle sometimes (I looked forward to a response, but didn't expect one 🙂 ).

    Shuabby, some of the things you said kind of hit the nail on the head. I've been thinking a lot lately, about this situation, about my personality, and stuff. I've started to wonder if my a lot of my problems, and thus my issues to work on in life, stem from my sense of self-worth. TheCaptain recently did a photo reading, and made a comment about how I undervalue myself, which is true. I think that maybe I do undervalue myself, and because of that, I don't assert myself when I should, I don't stand up for myself, and I generally put other people before me (let them get their way to avoid conflict). This also would maybe relate to my insecurity and passivity, my difficulty making decisions or moving on when I should. I think that in certain ways, I've got a lot of maturity, but there are certain aspects of my life/personality that are stunted, especially my sense of independence (my progress toward independence has been slow).

    What you said about this person teaching me to stand up for myself, I think is very accurate; I don't believe that's her goal, of course, but I think that the lesson of this situation is to stand up for myself, to know that I don't deserve this behavior. Also, the parts of depending on others and of lacking the stamina to get out and do what needs to be done ring true. As I said, my progress towards independence has been slow, and so I have depended a lot on others (I think this also relates on my self-confidence and self-doubt). Intellectually, I understand all of this, some of it I've known for a while, but I feel like I just don't know what to do about it; I get overwhelmed with things I should do, and I guess not feeling like I could do them and not knowing what is the right thing to do, I worry over and analyze it so much I paralyze myself and make no decision.

    There's a lot to think about. That you say things will be different within six month's time is interesting because I've gotten the feeling that things are going to change soon, but aren't quite ready yet. I've had stuff pop up, but not work out at the time. And while I don't necessarily love change (I have a history of not being a fan, it was bad for me as a teenager), I look forward to it when it needs to happen.

    Again, thank you to both of you for your advice. It gives me a lot to think about. 🙂


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