Cancer,Smancer, Just what is the answer?

  • Im 55 female, got it going, met this handsome Cancer 10 yrs my Jr. we had wonderful conversation, we had a lot of fun, love was also included, Oh by the way Im a scorpio we decided to live together, and see where it goes, and now all he ever does is Blah, I know hes tired, iVE GOT COMPASSION, for him, I do love him, he says he loves me, I dont know ladies and gents, but I think sometimes a mystery is better left alone, I dont know actually what Im going to do about this , Please some feed back, need positive energy, Thanks


  • Hey Dovescry, I'm a Scorp married to a Cancerian male 10 yrs younger than me. Does your Cancerian have lazy & selfish traits that drive you round the bend?

  • Hi Notreble, This is great, Since weve been togetter he's really slacked off, He leaves things for me,LOL, MOSTLY HE;S GIVING, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO WHEN HE'S MOODY OR TIRED THEN I get to see the selfish side of him, but you know something, I get to him, buy being my lil ol indepent self,LOL,drives him round the bend, Thanks Notreble, I would realy like to keep an open communication with you,Yes he can drive me around the bend, I just dont let him know it,LOL

  • Hiya, mayb u oughta let him know he does drive around ya bend.

  • I'm a Scorpio with a Cancer too, he's 4 months older then me. we are both 45. We both get moody when we are tired. He just wants to go into that shell! After 11pm, if we both had been working, we only mumble a few words to each other and get ready for bed. I don't live with him but, that's all I want to do if he's picked me up on his way home from work. We promise that we will have a "date" later in the week. Sometimes, in the middle of the night i will want "IT" and, I will mess with him, his body responds, I ask him if I can get on top so, I get mine, even if he doesn't get his. Believe me, later, if not that morning, maybe on our date, he will remember and, it's on!! The things your Cancer leaves, why do they have to be for you? Mine is a bit messy but, it's his house and I don't clean after him. I do clean after me! I know why, Scorpios have Cleaning Compulsive Disorder and you can't leave a mess!! I have it and I have to leave rooms sometimes or he'd get free cleaning service. I think he's kind of hoping I will! i think cancers are comfortable in their mess (nest?)

    Maybe you should let him know without criticizing. I had to let mine know that when he leaves shoes and the shoe stretcher around the bed, that I don't always see them, cause the bed's comforter, decorative pillows he's shoved on the floor are covering them up and I trip.The jarring hurts my knees sometimes. After mentioning that, I no longer find them against the bed! They are across from the bed next to the TV Armoire. You have to understand, the closet is thru the sitting area and in the bathroom about 30 feet and he always packs for his weekly trips last minute! I never seen the bed made. Now when I spend the night, I'll change it on the weekend but, I always make it the next morning. he'll sleep on the couch just so he doesn't mess it up!! lol

    I being the Scorpio, I feel that I am in charge of the sensualness of our relationship. He was a BLAH lover at first but, he's a FAST learner and, already, it's 180 degrees different then the first few times. he is like a blank slate I get it exactly the way I want because I SHOW and TELL him what I want. I texted him a fantasy, in great detail and when he came over after work, he was very tired but, (he works 15 hour shifts, 6 days a week most the time) couldn't stop thinking about it, he did it exactly as I texted it. Now, he's comfortable with me since I showed him my freaky side that he has come up with a couple of freaky things of his own, I was Impressed!

    You have to stay sexy and keep him interested. Guys are visual. When I wear my black boyshorts underwear and a black tank top with no bra around his house, I'll sit a certain way on the floor of his office, talking to him or put my legs over his when we sit on the couch. We can do foreplay all day! he likes to watch me put lotion on after I take a bath, sometimes he likes to come help, I tell him how good he makes me feel, and then we BOTH need a shower after we play.

    I do tell him that he's handsome and very sexy to me, and I love his Peach Booty! To most everyone else, he's a tall slim man that wears glasses and loose dress shirts, tie and slacks with a lab coat over it all. he doesn't say much, he's serious and professional. looks like a dud!

    So go back to what made you fall in love and revitalize that. Love is hard to find. And a person you can trust, is even harder. Yours will give you things, mine doesn't but, he will go out of his way for me and he's there when I need a shoulder to cry on and he deals with my mood swings. He hasn't said he loves me, the closest to that is he's said he loves the things we do. But, I'm not in love with him either. I do LIKE him. I've dated a couple of other Cancers in the past. they don't share their opinions or decisions about things all that well. I've grown up enough that I don't really need him to share. I got too many people in my life right now, who like to share. there are things I don't want to share with him or anyone so,I respect his privacy cause I want him to respect mine!

  • Hello dovescry,

    I had weighed in about my Cancer man on another page a little while back, but since I love him and love to talk about him I thought I would add my two cents.

    I too am 55, and my honey is 21 years my Jr. I am a Gemini as my screen name implies. My Cancer is the messiest perfectionist I have ever known. Things he does, like setting up the screen for the projector, an art project, hanging a picture, all have to be exact or he is not happy. However the shoes, everywhere. The bed, lucky to have the sheet tucked in the bottom. The close on the floor and things under them to trip on, the same as 2knowmeis2luvme's problem. Closets are stuffed with clothing that is so old he can't ware them any more. And you can't clean his messes up because he has to be the one to take care of it. Its just getting him motivated enough to do it that's hard. Once he is, he works dilagently on the project. He is not lazy, he just likes to relax when he is home, as he puts it. So, yes, I believe these are traits that all Cancers have in them. The trick is, as I have found it, is to let him know that his messiness affects you in a negative way. Again, like 2k..is2luv.., when she told him it hurt her to trip on the shoe, he changed and made sure it would not hurt her any more. The last thing a Cancer man wants to do is cause the object of their affection pain or discomfort. So let them know that the thing you can't stand the most is affecting how you feel and you will see a change.

    On the Loving part. Sure, many times I have to be the one to get him going. But hey, it is worth the effort when he gets the message. He is the most tender and passionate man I have ever been with. He makes sure I get mine before he lets himself get his every time. He feels it is his duty to me to make sure I enjoy this activity with him as much as he does. And the funniest things get him going too. I am a terrible cook, (so he does most of it when we eat together- we are not living at the same place) however when I cook for him he adores it. when I light candles and put on soft music for a romantic touch, well let it suffice to say he can't get enough of me.

    Cancers love to be loved. It is the plain and simple truth. Perhaps some of that Blah you mentioned in your post isn't blah, its just his needing you to do the little love things for him. They love to cuddle, give and get baby kisses, and hear how wonderful they are to you. They need to be appreciated more than any other sign in the zodiac I think. Stroke his ego, touch his arm gently when you do. Hold his gaze when he is talking like nothing else in the world could be more important or more interesting than what he is saying. See if little things like this can help your situation. Cancers are so deep, and so protective of themselves and of being hurt that it can be hard to get through to them even when you have decided to become a couple. One might think once you are together as a unit, you shouldn't have to prove yourself to them any longer. However with your Cancer, becoming a couple is just the beginning of proving yourself to them.

    And lastly, the best advice I can give to any one is get your hands on some books about Cancers, get some of the compatibility charts done here on this site. (they truly are very good and very accurate) and pay attention to what it says about what he needs and what you need. I have actually become addicted to the thrill I get when he looks at me like I am the most amazing person in the world and why am I so good to him like I am. And, I am good to him because I took the time to know what he needs from me.

    Good luck with your man. I hope it all turns out good for you because they truly are amazing men.

  • basically men r not verbally saying i love u. i think it goes 4 all signs, men show they love u by fixing that pothole in ur drive way that may wind up giving u a severe whiplash trauma, or that door on ur shelf that keeps falling down in ur head, or that dripping zink that drives u pissed off as hell, men dont say they SHOW they love u. consider this, each gender start the day with 6000 words each, when man arrives home he has used up all his 6000 , while the woman has only used 2000 n she still has 4000 to use. get the math?

  • Hello Dovescry, I'm a cancer and was married to a scorpio for over 16 years! What a ride. We are divorced now but are best friends. I think were soulmates....... He was energized, full of himself and always into something. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster ride with this man. Me on the other hand was the constant, abeit "moody" one. I think I grounded him and he lifted up me. Was a tempestuous but a good combo.

    If you love him, don't try to change him and just keep being you. Sometimes you will clash but you can also climb to new heights together. His challenge was prying me out of my shell sometimes and my challenge was definately keeping up with him 🙂

    Good luck,

  • Hi Airtwin...WOW!! I too am 55 involved with a Cancer man 23 yrs my jr. I always wondered if there were more of us out there age difference I mean. I'm a true sagi and I know this causes lot's of issues. We live 90 miles from each other and have been together for 2 yrs. When we do get to spend time together it's Quality time and so much fun and very enjoyable. My biggest complaint is he's been saying for 2 yrs he wan't to move here and he keeps saying soon but it seems he just can't leave his friends both male and female. I'm just about to the point of moving on. I know they take their time and I've been patient BUT for me I feel I've given him enough space that he should make this move or just hang it up. We do Love each other very much or at least I know I do and he tells me he does and that I'm the one for him....but I'm begining to believe his words are just that words....if you talk the walk, walk the talk....and if you can't then talk away and I'll walk away.....I was also wondering how you deal with all the negative talk about older women younger me age is just a number not the heart but you know as well as I do how narrow minded people can be and now for the Big kicker for us is I'm white and he's black and from Kenya so we have even bigger mountains to climb. I'd really like to hear some input on my delimma.......HELP!!!

  • Hi All-I am 45 and 11 years older than my Cancer love! Aren't they an amazing mess LoL. Like AirTwin said, learn what he needs that is what I have been and still am doing. We've been really together for about 5 months but started out 8 months ago as a casual "hook up"

    This man can kiss like nobody's business and I am told I kiss good too and I love to kiss when they know how. Our sexual connection is SO on hit it scares me sometimes. We don't live together either, but lately I am spending 5 of the 7 nights with him. The other two have been when he gets his kids, which he tries to do every weekend. He has them now, and I am going out dancing after work tonight!

    We also do not ever tell each other where to go and when. We both flirt like crazy even sometimes when we are together, but neither of us gets insecure as we have trust and think it's kind of funny when a flirtathon happens. Both of us get "hit" on all the time, sometimes one of will turn a little green but won't let it be known!

    I am a Virgo so you know my composure stays in tact, I can give it back to him even better than he can dish! Keeps him interested and drives him to distraction. He may stop and talk to another chick but let another guy start talking to me and he will come where I am and take me over in a firm but nice way! Like the other night I ran into a guy from high school and my hair is short now but used to be below my waist, well school guy made the comment "man I knew her when her hair was down to here" and my guy said "and I know her now when her hair is short"

    Anyway! Who knows what is in store, we grow closer it seems by the day. He still doesn't call us dating so I tell him he's my non-boyfriend. As other's said here too, he SHOWS how he feels, everyone around can see it but him!

    They are protective too, yesterday for some reason I got up with my @$$ on my shoulders and was mad at the world, he called me 4 times between 1 p.m. and 3 p.m. for stupid stuff he really gets unsettled if he thinks something is wrong with me or someone upset or hurt me.

    I look like I am in my early 30's and act younger, I am living out loud as I almost died of a rare blood disorder in '04, some would say I dress too young, but I am a size 1 or 3 Jr. and my body is holding it's own without exercise. I may as well. Not sl**y but you hardly ever catch me in flat shoes. I can't walk good in them--yes I am vain, I apologize, but people freak when I tell them my true age so it makes me feel great after suffering so badly and looking beyond horrid to be able to turn heads again.

    Well good day ladies. I miss my guy but won't get to see him until tomorrow...I usually try not to contact him on the days he's with his children, that is their time and he worships them.


  • wow, am i counting correctly??? there are 5 women on this one forum alone who are with cancer men at least 10 yrs their jr!!!!! and i make 6!!!! that has GOT to be a statistical anomaly !!!!! maybe it has to do with their mommy complex. i'm 45 and 14 years his sr.. i relate to you, toto. my bf is puerto rican.

  • Ladies and gents, I must thank you, for all the wonderfull feedback, And yes there does seem to be a common thread of the ages going on, so much wisdom, Keep it coming, this is wonderful, Dovescry

  • Very strange, the age thing. The cancer guy I was with was 8 years younger than me. But I know alot of his old girlfriends were younger than him. I wonder if it is the mommy complex? Im 42 he is 34

  • You ladies are bang on!

    I’m a Scorpio rising, Cancer mars. So while I may be very neat (everything always gets put away), I can also be lazy/moody about doing some things because I don’t feel like it at the moment. So I can understand where he’s coming from in that respect. I told my Cancer that my home needs to be in order, because it does affect me in a very negative way if it’s not. There’s a certain sense of peace when I walk in the door, especially after a long chaotic day at work and if it’s not there then my mind continues to race. My Cancer picks up on my energy, so he won’t feel settled if my thoughts are scattered. We don’t live together, but I have noticed that his house is much neater since I mentioned this. Only on the surface though, because if you look in his closets….yowzers he’s a pack rat! LOL

    About the blah part…yes at the beginning I could take it or leave it. However, as he slowly started to gain more trust and became more familiar with me I found he will go where I never imagined going. He might hint, but you need to lead him there. My Cancer will spend the whole night pleasing me and wait to get his at the end. He said something to me a while ago which shocked me; he said “You hold the power. I would do anything for you”. This is the strongest verbal confession he has ever expressed (next to telling me that I’m perfect). Now I know that it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s in love with me, but it was something. Words don’t mean very much to him (and mine is a Gemini rising too), so even if I profess my undying love for him, it doesn’t mean anything if my actions don’t show it. Cuddling and touching show physical affection, but he also needs the day to day emotional support before he gives you his. There are a lot of Cancer man complaints about them not contacting or responding to calls or texts, or disappearing acts, believe me I’ve gone through that. I wish I could help others out there, all I know is there’s a different feel to him now and I don’t know what or how that changed.

    P.S. Actually, I think I’m the anomaly here….I’m a few years younger than my Cancer…lol

  • Give me yor both of your birthdates and I will give you some insight. (Not astrology)

  • Older, younger, different colors, if you make a connection then Hurray!! Love is hard to find! Tomorrow is not promised to any of us and remember the present is a gift ( Alicia Keys) People are always jealous of anyone that is happy. Just because others are not comfortable with your relationship, does not give them the right to open their yaps. No one is an expert on YOUR relationship but YOU! It's not like your dating out of your species and you don't plan on having kids!! ( I'm a child of bi-racial parents. it was tough growing up and I hear it still is). Me and my guy have fun with how I look, I look Mexican or Hawai'ian and my guy, you can tell he's a brotha. we went to a Mexican restaurant, the lady behind the counter spoke Mexi-English to me, I didn't understand her but, my guy speaks Spanish so he answered her, she had the most confused look on her face, I thought it was rude of her to try and exclude him like that. And women of my own race, they give him and me a look like I don't have a right to be with him.....sour, sour people! I actually said something to one woman that was staring at me and kind of rolling her eyes, She thought I was some young Mexican chic with an older man of HER race. He's not THAT much darker then me and he wasn't as dark as she was! I told her he wouldn't be with her if he wasn't with me so, why she worried about it? Im 45 and my guy is 45 but, I look about 32, sometimes younger and he, well, he looks about our age. he's in great shape but, he's serious most of the time, me I'm a big kid that's what keeps me young looking!! he laughs like crazy with me now. He knows I love comedy so when I get in the car, he has on the Blue collar Network! he has Sirius radio. his s.e.x drive is a great match for mine. I can tell, from some of our conversations, that he has never had "permission" to do the things that he does with me, with other women. But, he's NOT submissive, lol. THAT was a learning experience!!! I'm like most of you ladies, I love that he shows me he cares. he knows I'm big about letting me know when plans change. I think we have all had men in our past that used that sentence " I LOVE YOU!" as a magic key to get us to do something (and we do) and then we find out the charming snake is cheating with god only knows how many women, and has been before he "committed" to you and he hardly ever does what he says he's going to do! I'm not attracted to bad boys anymore. and a bad boy can be 60 and still not mature and still playing those games! I think my nerdy, sexy, quiet, dependable, messy friend is soo much more soothing to my soul.I can trust him. The only thing a man (or a woman) owns that is of any value, is their word. And if they can't keep it to you, they are worthless.

    I told my Cancer one time, , " You don't say a lot but, you do whatever you say your going to do and I love that ! Guys I've dated in the past would tell me all the things they wanted to do with me and that they wanted to get to know me better, you know what all that was? Lips and jaws clacking together while they were chewing on lies. Plus, it's a yard stick that they make, that I compare them to and they can't even measure up to their own expectations!"

    I never knew they were possessive about their messes, that explains, even if I ask to clean, he will tell me no to somethings or he gives me a funky look if I start doing something. I always thought that he thought I was being nosy, lol too funny!

  • yeah, our similarities are uncanny. I mistyped my age; i'm 41 and he's 27. I feel like my sexual style is so contrary to many of yours, though. So many of you seem so in charge, and have said that you've had to 'lead him', i guess meaning to educate him on how to please you. I am sooo jealous. i have NO self confidence in the bedroom, and he seems very shy too, and i can tell he doesn't like my lack of confidence. This is actually the ONLY thing that i've read about in these blogs that i don't identify with. in virtually every other respect, he's textbook. (doesn't return calls, self-centered even though he seems like he's so generous and gracious, will do alot for his friends, everything on his time and his way not forcefully but just because that's how he does it, withdraws into his shell the more i demand of him, has some kind of crazy sexy magnetism, is very charming... i could go on n on with the similarities i've read in these posts.

  • most of his previous girls were young; his last was 16, which has really fueled my jealousy. Also, he seems to stare at young attractive girls alot, which i know is natural for a guy, but he shouldn't if he knows it upsets me. and i let him know. But he indignantly and violently insists he doesn't stare, which infuriates me even more. The more i fight with him over it, the more he withdraws,which means i get less affection, and less ***, which then makes me feel even less attractive, and it's been this endless pointless vicious cycle for 3 1/2 years now. It's hard not to believe him when he tells me he loves me with his big soulfull eyes, but it feel like it's mommy love because of the lack physical interest in me.

  • 11/06/1953 thats mine

    07/05/1963 thats his

    I'd like to hear what you think

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