• Hi,

    I have posted this elsewhere and haven't gotten a response. I then saw some of your work and thought you might be able to offer some insight. You were very thorough and I am feeling (probably a bit too much so) anxious about this situation.

    I have a friend I think I may have hurt. Good friend, long distance, started moving towards being closer. I freaked out, got too emotional (going through a divorce), didn't realize I wasn't ready, and went way too fast with it all. I think I scared him away and myself. I ultimately asked why he was pulling away, told him to "not contact me" I needed time to get back to a friend place. He replied, said he wasn't wanting to do long distance, for my sake, thought maybe I made some of it up in my head, and that he wasn't in a good place for more. Then nothing, no contact at all now.

    A month now and I have since calmed down from my other very stressful personal and career issues. I miss him, even as friend. Just wondering if he will reach out again? Should I wait for that. I feel I owe him an apology? Should I apologize? Was he pushing me away out of fear (he kept saying stuff about rebound)? Does he think I am crazy or does he understand the stress affected me? Was he playing games? Do you see us returning to friends again, staying in regular contact? Did I hurt his feelings? Did he just move on from me completely? Is there a chance we will meet up this summer, overseas?

    Sorry a bot of question but any info would be helpful...most importantly, should I apologize, did I hurt his feelings, would this help the friendship part? Should I just move on?

    3/1/74- Me-

    7/15/73- Him

    All the Best,


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  • This is the problem with the 10 of Swords; even when you think you have put them all down, you find you are still swinging one around. You have to stop questioning this situation, at least for now. You are doing more harm than good.

    Your intuition is telling you this is not the right time for a relationship. Heed the advice. Spend time resolving your issues, because even if you did get what you want from this man, they will still be there. And then they'll create problems in your relationship.

    For what it's worth, I am also picking up on "this is not the right time". I feel a lot of confusion on his part, but not anger. Right now he just wants to get on with his life. I feel as if you are on his mind, but is not as pre-occupied with you as you are with him. And you probably won't take comfort from that, but your guilt is making this situation an obsession.

    Please, get on with your life. Start putting it back together, do what makes you happy, and let events play out as they will as far as this man is concerned.

    Much love & light to you Marie Grace,


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  • I disagree. I don't think he wants an apology or is expecting one at all. My concern, if you will, is that your guilt, your "bad" feelings over the past and what happened between the two of you, is just clouding the matter. Thus contacting him is not going to serve any real purpose at this point.

    But why are you feeling so guilty? You are not responsible for his actions, his choices. Your stress didn't ruin anything. A true friend would understand that. In the end, he chose the path he took, not you.

    Having said all that, Obi-Wan Kenobi's words come to mind; "You must do what you feel is right of course."

    Love & light to you,


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  • Hello again,

    I can understand your guilt. I really do. But you have to see it from a different point of view. You are really not responsible for his actions, his choices, his feelings. At the risk of being too blunt, you have no right to claim responsibility for his actions, his choices, his feelings. He has the right to make the same mistakes as we all do. He has the right to live his life in the way he feels best and to learn his lessons in his own time.

    Or put yet another way. You are so caught up in how badly he must feel for what you did, that you haven't stopped to notice that he really isn't being a good friend to you...

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  • I did exactly the same with my ex. I let her blame me for everything. Even when we were happily together, it was never her fault.

    That has been a tough lesson to learn.

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