Am I meant to do this - can someone read for me please?

  • A friend seems to see some potential in me to teach dance and he's encouraged me to try exploring dance choreography (just as an exercise). It's way tougher than I imagined but very interesting as well.

    1. Want to know if teaching dance could be a potential career path for me in the near or distant future (even if on an ad-hoc basis)? Do I have enough raw ability or should this remain a serious hobby?

    Actually even if I'm not meant to do this, I still think it's a wonderful way to engage the creative side of myself. And I'm grateful for his encouragement.

    2. This new friend - he shares the same passion for dance as me - and I'm wondering if he's meant to be some kind of mentor or a significant person in my life? I'm a little confused on how he looks upon me. What does he think of me?

    3. Lastly, I've had real difficulty with job/financial stability esp in the last few years. Is there any indication on whether things will pick up for me this month?

    Thank you very much.

  • I don't feel it will progress beyond a good healthy hobby for you. As to job stability, I just don't feel that you really know what you want to do with yourself or what sort of thing to pursue. You need to assess (or ask someone else to) your talents and capabilities and interests to see if you can find a direction for your energies. If you want to be more creative, you may have to be willing to study or update your skills in some way. Once you are clear on what you want, the right job will appear.

    What is your new friend's birthdate?

  • Yes that's my feeling also - that's it meant to be a hobby.

    My honest feeling (and hopefully it's not delusional) is that I might have had the potential to be very good had I started learning 10-20 years ago. So I may have missed the boat..

    I've been doing mundane office jobs most of my life, and I was 'happy' because I was afraid to think bigger, to take chances. Dance is teaching me to 'let go' - to learn to express who I really am. But because of that, I now see how little I've been engaged by the kind of work I do. It may be that i have to move on from it - but to what?

    I have asked others for feedback before - but they seem to suggest practical career paths which I feel ill-suited for or have no interest in. Their view of me in stuck in the past, on a perception of who they thought I was. So even now, even when I try to share my passion for dance they don't seem interested to know. It's not just family, but old friends too.

    My friend is the only one who has not only seen and understands my interest in dance, but who has also been bold enough to suggest I do something with it. His birthdate is 13/06/73 (DDMMYY).

    I want to find work which I love - which engages me. But in lieu of that, could I still be happy doing a mundane desk bound job and continuing to learn dance recreationally?

  • "My honest feeling (and hopefully it's not delusional) is that I might have had the potential to be very good had I started learning 10-20 years ago. So I may have missed the boat.."

    That is what I felt too. It's something you would have to have started earlier as it is a very physically demanding career. But it will be good for you to dance for your own health and creativity.

    As for your work, what is your big passion in life - perhaps you can make that into a career?

    You and your friend are drawn together by your mutual irritation with your treatment by the world. Insecurities and frustrations can emerge as both of you tend to be somewhat nervous and angry a good deal of the time. One of your principal functions is to be each other's sounding boards, to allow the expression of negative feelings without fear of censure. It's almost essential for your psychological wellbeing. Your personal feelings for each other, sexual or otherwise, can often take second place to this aspect of your relationship. You two prefer intimacy and privacy in which to conduct your business - few others will know about it. You can be yourselves when alone with each other, quite a relief since you both tend to put on 'happy faces' in public. This can be a good relationship as long as the mutual complaining doesn't become its main focus. Make sure you share other interests as well.

  • You mean be a safe haven for each other?

    He is intensely private, so I just listen when he happens to open up about stuff. I try not to pry and whatever he says stays between us.

    On the flipside, I want to confide sometimes but I don't know if I can. He seems trustworthy, but he's a bit of a cool cucumber, this guy, and I do not want to get pushed away, if he's not ready to hear me out.

    I sense that are those who aren't happy about our interaction and may try to hurt/sabotage him or us. What can I do to nurture my friendship with him in spite of this?

    As for the the big passion in life, argh, it is dance. Another growing interest I have is in body conditioning, like pilates. Unfortunately, again, it is something that involves physical fitness. Any luck here, if I would like to teach this in the future?

  • What about thinking about studying something new as you may be too late for many physical professions where the training starts very early in life. Although if you are knowledgable enough about fitness, you could become a personal trainer or something like that.

  • I sense healing energies in you, so maybe you could explore a career in the health profession such as physiotherapist or masseur, etc. combining healing with physical exercise.

  • Hi Captain,

    I think you're on to something - I do sense that my job needs to allow for physical expression and movement.

    I did think of becoming a physiotherapist - but it's a physically demanding profession as well - perhaps more so than being a dance instructor. Doing massage runs in the family, and I've seen the way it can wear down the body.

    Healing energies? Is this why I am unknowingly drawn to people who are hurting, and vice versa?

    Any advice, Captain, for me and my friend? I sense that there's things we can learn from each other. I want to nurture our friendship, but I don't know how to reach out to him?

  • You have a healing way about you that tends to draw those in need for whom you give comfort, support and help. But keep it 'professional' - if you choose to get into a love relationship with those who are wounded, it can lead to dependency, inequality, and frustration.

    And don't reach out to your friend - just be there if he needs you. Let him come to you. He may interpret any attempts at reaching out as pity or condescension and he would hate that. Make sure you share interests and don't just use each other as sounding boards of complaint.

  • Is it in supporting others - that I heal myself as well?

    Thank you so much for your advice Captain 🙂 I will let him come to me.

    Actually, I don't go to him with complaints. Is that the only way he sees me - a sounding board for life's frustrations?

    Cos we do have shared interests (and maybe mutual attraction or something kindred?) - and I thought that's primarily why we came together.

  • Yes you heal yourself when you heal others.

    Your friend sees you as someone who understands him so he feels he can lay his frustrations on you. At the moment I feel friendship is about all he can handle as he sorts out his life.

  • A question - it is my friend's birthday tomorrow and I would like to ask him out. A bit late hehe...

    Is it possible to to see if he would appreciate that? And in general, does he like it when I initiate socializing/hanging out or does he find it irritating?

    He strikes me as being passive, almost shy when it comes to me - I don't know why. Is he the type who expects me to initiate?

    I usually am straightforward with friends when I want to spend time with them.

    But his shyness/aloofness makes me also err on the side of being reserved. I've been giving him space, leaving the ball in his court - but I'm starting to think he doesn't want to be the one to ask.

    Would he find it more comfortable if I am more direct (i.e what/when/where) instead of leaving it open-ended (eg. would like to hang out when yr free)?

    Or is it that he does not want to spend time with me? And it really depends on his moods (only wants it when he wants it ) - I don't mean that in a bad way, for I'm like that sometimes too 🙂

  • He is afraid you will get the wrong idea if he asks you out. He feels you want more from him than he can give at the moment. If you take him out for his birthday, make sure there are no romantic overtones.

  • Thanks Captain.

    I thought he was comfy being around me. Esp since he's the one who's more physically affectionate. At least he used to be - and he didn't seem concerned I would get the wrong idea.

    And I took my cues from him.

    So the distance he's been creating -- it's cos he's 'afraid' of me?

    Or is he afraid of his own reaction to me?

    Possibly both?

    it sounds like he's walking on eggshells around me. That makes me feel sad 😞

    Cos in line with what you've said before, I felt our friendship was a space where we could be comfy being ourselves - goofy, playful, etc.

    In general, is there still merit to me initiating interactions, eg hanging out? Does it matter who asks whom? Or would he prefer if I left him alone?

  • It was easy and comfortable while it was only a freindship that suited you both - but now you want more - and he doesn't. He wants his friend back. Are you sure this guy is straight because I am picking up some gay vibes around him?

  • **** = gay (don't know why this word is censored as there is nothing wrong with it.)

  • Really? LOL... I hadn't thought of that.

    I do believe he's straight though. And this is all sounding a bit strange.

    Cos if anyone - he was the one initiating/generating the romantic overtones.

    When we were closer before, he would pull me into him or lean his head on my shoulder if we were sitting side by side. He seems to like to touch me, put his arms around me, grasp my hands, and be physically close in general. To me, his body language suggests more than friends. Once, when we were alone, he held my hand, slowly pulled me to him and gave me a goodbye kiss (on the cheek - but for a split second, i thought he was going for a first kiss).

    I was a bit taken aback and damn near freaked out (but didn't), but I also grew to understand that he is the physically affectionate type.

    And I've never 'tried anything' with him. But I am comfortable with him, and I don't retreat from his gestures.

    Perhaps the above could suggest someone who may be effeminate and/or gay. But that's not what i sense.

    You're right - it was easy and comfortable before - when we were both able to interact as described above. Felt a little like he was a playmate, and we could just let loose and be silly.

    To my knowledge, I never made an overt gesture of this being more than friends. But then he changed (could be his own personal issues as well), started to become distant. I understand he was teased about me as well. He still asks me out sometimes, but our interactions are strange and quiet. He's there but not really. Earth to friend?

    Regardless of how I feel, I want my friend back too - I really miss him - and it feels like he's the one who's holding back. I feel sorry that he's walking on eggshells, cos of me, but I don't really know what to do. I'd never want someone I care about to walk on eggshells around me, cos I know what it's like.

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