Help me please! I have lost my faith!

  • This is so long.... Basically I was dreaming of someone from my past for 6 years. The same dream. Last May I desided to get intouch with him again. Turns out he was in CR and unable to contact. So, until October last year I did the whole Universe, the secret, power, book stuff. Finaly in Nov last year he CALLED! Ever since then we have been together. Until tue when he broke up with me. I am very devistated by this. I felt like he was "the one" I have no more beliefs anymore. I don't believe in fate, destiny, astrology, or even LOVE anymore. I'm not sure why I am still seeking advice on here. Every thing felt so right. Like we had always been together all this time. I felt like my life was going on the right path. I even felt as if I knew his friends and family forever. I was always comfortable with them. Never shy. And that is very difficult for me. He has demons that he has never dealt with and I think that he is afraid of me because I can see through his mask. I can see him so clearly. He has many reasons for this. He grew up in FC since 3 y/o. He went from home to home. He had a break down and went to CR. While there he drank and partied. Never really dealing with why he went there in the first place. I can't hear my intuition any more. I don't know what is right. I felt it inside, I heard it inside that this was right. Am I wrong? Can you give me some insight? What should I do? He is lost. No direction And I pray everyday that he will heal. I want to be able to help him. But I think he is afraid of me. Will we get back together? Soon? Should I leave him alone? He wants to be friends. But don't they all say that? I can't think clearly. He runs when things get hard. Said by his friends but also observed by me. But our relationship wasn't hard. Only the distance. He is the one who said he loved me first. He is the one who wanted me to move. He is the one who said "our land". Did he feel pressured? If so that is at his own doing. I suspect possible. he has other things going on now. Please help me. I don't know what to do now. My dob is 9-2-80 his is 1-11-81........... I have never felt this connection to anyone else. Not even to my daughters father.

  • You have lost "yourself". You must be whole and enough on your own---otherwise you have no power. If you place all your joy possability on one person you have no control---that's a very very very painful place! You are in pain---everything is fine only if this man decides---you cannot exhist in that balance. Love--joy must be a choice. You must treat your need for him like an addiction--a drug that when taken away leaves you unable to "feel" joy. Somewhere in your childhood your needs were not met. They did the best they could but where preocupied in their own pain. This is the hardest thing you'll ever do---learn to love yourself--meet your own needs---needs you forgot you had. Right now you are invisible to yourself--it's all him him him---you feed that habit but it is built on sand---can wash away any moment---that is your feeling of lost faith--your higher self knows how quikly you can be destroyed. You ask--what to do--he is lost. But more important is YOU---you are more important. Be kind to yourself--really kind. Look around and connect with love to others who can love you in a way that empowers you. Children love like that---choose their company. Find the child in you---remember her unique one of a kind place on this earth--nurture HER---what does she enjoy? What excites her? You were not put on earth to fix this man or use him as a way to self destruct. This is a hard crossroads---think with your head---turn down the emotions. You are loved and guided---but can not hear the guiding voices above the wall of pain and desperation. Choose love----if it doesn't feel empowering--real love uplifts then don't go there. The momentary happiness you get from him is a drug---feels real but the price is inevitable. Again, be good to yourself. Buy yourself flowers. Listen to your favourite music---get a puppy---play with children. Set a goal you long forgot and stick to it---fill your own cup and the right man will know that energy as his own and you will be happy---choose wisely now--from your head and the heart will follow. You deserve love---say no to anything less. BLESSINGS

  • I just want to say that Blmoon gave you great advice. I also want to add, and this is my personal opinion, that God created us to love and honor him above all things, including relationships. People come and go and if we rely on people for happiness we will end up in pain, but if we find joy in God, who is eternal, compassionate, forgiving and kind, he will be our rock and shield in times of joy and pain.

    I know how you fell trust me. It is pure hell, but there is light and relief that can be found in God.

    God bless

  • Thank you for your thoughts. I have though for a few days over this. It is not that he is my "drug". It is that I believed this was going to a be a permanent relationship. I have lost my faith becasue I believed in all the signs sent my way by the universe. I BELIEVED. They were every where.Even now there have been things. I mean is the universe just f*in with me? Torturing me that in my pain it still finds the need to send me things. As if saying "don't give up" I did not rely on him for my happiness. I was happy with my life before.And I was happy with him in it. What am I to believe now? Are there no such things as signs? Is it all really just randomness out there? help me answer those questions?

  • Any one else out there who would like to offer more advice?

  • It is easy to believe in something when all goes our way. That's why faith is called faith. True faith comes when we are tested and we are in the dark place before the light at the end of the tunnel. The problem with looking for signs--misreading signs or even missing signs is relative to our need----desperation clouds the vision. Sometimes we hear what we want to hear--see what we want to see. That's why Spirit advises you to reflect for awhile from your head not your feelings---the signs you say were there may look differently then. The attractio to this man indeed was and is strong---it is meant to help you heal something in you if you can understand the attraction from a distance. He is easily detached---can turn it on and off. His ability to be inpulsive will always surprise you. He prefers a woman who needs him more than he needs her. Unfortunetly this very thing causes him to lose respect for a woman who puts up with his selfish side---so you do get that feeling and it is right---he pulls you close--demands devotion only to suddenly punish you for it. Will he be back? Yes--will this pattern of bliss and heartache--abandonment change? That's your choice. You must see the pattern and change something---change is only achieved with change. Don't just hear what he says--hold him accountable for what he does or doesn't do..BLESSINGS.

  • Thank you Blmoon! I will do some reflection and look for the pattern in my life. Thank you for your kindness!

  • I once read this, Faith - the essence of things hoped for, the substance of things believed.

    Now, with that said, many times in my life I had had faith. I really hoped and believed that what I thught was good or needed would work out. It just didn't. It did not mean, to me, that it was bc I asked for things that were unreasonable. The biggest thing i asked for was for my ex husband to quit hurting us.

    He didn't, not bc of my lack of faith, but bc of his depth or lack of wanting to take personal accountability for his life. Our blessing, was , I honestly believe the wisdom of the universe, God, knew he would not change. So, to spare us pain, grief and hurt, we left.

    That is a hard reality. I believed in forever, in sickness and health. But there came a point when my own and my children's mental health ranked higher than my vows, faith and hope. And not that I gave up on them, I just grew and learned the power of free will.

  • Thank you Taurus7!!~

    I understand exactly what you mean. It is just hard to accept the end of somethings. And this relationship is much harder to let go of. I believe because of my beliefs in God and signs, etc.

    Even after my 9 year relationship ended I was not this bad off. I was happy actually.I am still confused about my faith and beliefs. In time I hope that they will become clear again.Thank you for your thoughts. 🙂

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