How do you get over a break up?

  • Two years ago I got my heart broken pretty bad. Everything happened really fast and ended quickly. He had seemed to be involved with an at the time and went back to her. This guy was completely direct. Ever since this happened I felt completely blocked off. Everyone I have been involved with since has failed. My life has been constant mess ever since.

    Only because at the time this happened other areas of my life were changing & family members needed me. Instead of pulling through I had enough time to really just sulk in all of it. This guy was much younger then me & I feel he caught me at a very vulnerable time in my life. I almost feel like I cant trust myself. So a year later I think Im ok.. I finally get back to work Im making progress and I meet a guy.. who ended up being in the same exact situation. younger girl.. etc. So there we ended up talking about it constantly.. we did get close and of course that ended & when that ended it closed me up even more. I met someone else who I currently still have feelings for.. However that is not in effect right now.. I havent kissed him since about 6 months ago. The more I got hurt the more I closed up. Now Im back in contact with someone who Ive always wanted to be with.. and ended up cutting off contact with a year ago after the that emotional break up.

    It would have helped for me to have never gotten involved with any of those guys.. after that heart break.. and the guy Im in contact with now.. who Ive known for awhile... I regreted cutting him off the whole time too I was dating the other two....

    This is a point in my life where I feel Ive bitten off way more then I can chew.. and now I have no idea what direction... Im so afraid guy from heartbreak is going to try to sneak his way back in and I feel Ive built a wall up. Im delusional. Im not sure what it is.. but my life has been falling apart ever since. Should I write this guy and get closure?

    So I dont hurt anymore relationships? I dont want to leave up to anything anymore for him to sneak back into my life and hurt me again. I am so afraid of getting comfortable. I want to move on with my life. Get back to who I was. I have not been able to be fully open to anyone since. I shut out completely.

    I had every opportunity to go with other guy who I cut off a year ago and pursue my goals & I guess I shrunk back.. because my heart was broken. I want to move forward.

  • Then give yourself a pat on the back. Job well done. You have taken the first, important step in getting your life back on track. You've identified what you do and don't want. Many people in similar situations won't even get this far.

    And that's why you are afraid now. You are facing a great change in your life and that is enough to scare us all. But you don't have to fear what you don't want. You are perfectly entitled to say "no" to anything and everything you do not want in your life. Be that a person or a situation. Trust in your own strength, your own calm inner self that knows what is right for you.

    In order to continue moving forward, take each step one at a time. If you feel like writing that letter go ahead. But know that you don't have to actually send it. By writing out your thoughts and feelings you are freeing yourself of their burdens. If it helps, burn the letter after writing it to further release those emotions to the Universe.

    Then try another exercise. Get a piece of paper and draw a circle on it. Within that circle write everything you'd like to experience in your life. I suggest you begin with the words "trust", and "unconditional love". Add as many items as you want, there is no maximum or minimum.

    Outside of the circle write down the things you'd like to experience in your life but with your express permission/invitation only. This may be "constructive criticism", or contact with your old flame. Don't worry about writing anything you don't want to experience, and don't worry about forgetting anything. If you think of something else, add it at a later date.

    Now take that piece of paper and put it somewhere where you will come across it often. Maybe on your fridge door, or on your bedside table. This is your personal medicine shield. This is your way of affirming your boundaries and only experiencing what you want to experience in life. So be sure to read it every so often.

    Finally, start to trust and love yourself. Only then will you be able to attract the right relationship for you. And keep us all informed of your progress, you're not alone in this journey.

    Love & light to you,


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