Shuabby & CWB and one can give insight it will help out for sure

  • Hello! There I am pretty sure and to all my fellow friends here knew my sad story . I'm glad to say that I'm doing well and tried my very best to focus on myself loving myself , rebuilt everything and knew what I wanted to be and what makes me feel happy even small things. All my life I never felt this way before I'm a woman ages to recuperate my broken heart. God is good I knew for the fact that he always next to me nor carrying me when I'm so tired and helpless. I have nothing to ask at this moment in time. I never think to much lately and enjoying myself own my own . Id love the idea of homebody that's how I am but I do love traveling one of my favorite hobby if I can. I wonder why some of the people closed to me always makes me felt bad or tried to makes me felt guilty. I'm so soft and alll the people matters to me I'm so broadminded as I said I put my all....I never ever holding grudge in my entire life I never remember doing that I can easily say that when I'm in my tough time and totally uncontrollable due to my emotional feelings I keep my frustration in me cos I have no guts to show how I felt in any kind of relation till I burst and makes me frustrated and totally wrecked. Lately I tried my best to tell how I felt cos that's what they advice on me and which is good to get a relief and sort things out with no hearts feelings after talk. But people's matters to me makes things twisted and they think that they can took advance of me sad cos I choose them to be apart of my family. I've told that too much explanation will put me in trouble and yes it is I'm annoying them to answer their question by details and while explaninf they stop you be straight forward no more blah blah. Yes accept it though we grew up in that ways I take considerate that I now leaving away and it's totally different even leaving in this foreign country nearly 7 yrs. but they had impression to me that I arrived 3 months ago. I'm proud to say I still keep my values I'm already 36 yo.and I sometimes calling my mum to tell her I'm going to the party and be home late even though were miles away my mum always find away to be intouch.I dunno when I'm on my Healing time I hardly talk to people how I felt.. I had few that I can say shoulder to lean and the funny thing was I met this young girl here my younger sister much way older that her I always had a bonus after all the sorrow and pain.I'm at peace and never heard from him and I'm happy for that but call me crazy I'm not mad nor holding any grudge to anyone who hurt me deeply with all honesty I had no pain nor bad blood. Things that sometimes peoples matters to me find me crazy but of course I'm a bit cautious and till now I sometimes put the guard on cos if u spoke to them i can tell who you are and intention that u really after to me.I give time to know my friends and no matter what even hurt I will apologized just put the blame on me I'm all good to keep peaceful but I knew from the fact that sime if them take advantage if me thinking that I'm stupid using me for the sake off their own benefits that never once win bad intention give you bounce back 10X . I'm still here though emotionally struggling sometime. But I can stand up chin up cos I done nothing wrong . I had a great days since last week. And I felt like enough for picking own me , I felt so much preassure for allthe words that sometimes very unconsiderate it's my fault I allow it but I'm totally give myself a break and be away to negativity.Why is that if I'll tried to compromise and telling I got caught in the middle they will that I put them on shame and slap on my face that fine atleast you save your face that's good u think yourself first . I'm totally upset but I never allowed that feelings reverse.Lately I can see myself that this is not what I want I'm not gonna be happy throwing away my faults and rejection. I appreciate that helping me or re otter ting me the way I pronouns my words much appreciated but telling me that before I felt a bit upset and when sometimes hanging around with friends I can't hear that and sometimes picking on me.This all crap to think that I'm working on customer service I can get a credit from professional people that I'm doing well. I knew myself and I dont want anyone pushing me down but I just realized your fooling yourself after all the love and trust, I need yo draw the line I'm the driver of my life and I will make the most out of it cos Ima wondetful and its amazing grace to live our life simple , be contented on what I have and wear a smile without any hesitation cos I'm proud to say there's always a room for improvement no need to holding me for who I am ...Shuabby your thought and words makes mark in my heart you touching me to wake up being to much nice I can put myself to trouble and losing myself confident,and most of myself respect .I need to rebuilt myself cos I know what I what and what makes me feel happy and having peaceful mind is the best ...0

  • Ive seen u n ill get back to u.


  • Annie dearest angel. u awoke like so many of us who has that happen to us. Important now is u keep hold on this new empowering skill u finally claimed. dont let anyone take it from u, n keep saying THIS IS MY LIFE NOT urs so shove it up ur eff!

    In end u have to live it they dont.

    I also felt through ur long talk, which did u well, all who was neg on u n tried to vipe of their way of dictating life of urs, really just projected their own bs onto u, n u unbeknownst sucked it in n let it b urs n bring u down. U have now found a shield keep using it.

    Im proud if u. it will b easy in time to come, trust me,. ive been there im at times STILL there but like u i get better at using it.



    ps not sure what u needed so i gave u what i got n felt u needed. if u need something else ask away. mwaahh LOAP!

  • Thank you CWB , but I sometimes bit confused cos I want my own time and ready to leave all of my bad experience to them but I'm a lil bit cautious to tell then that I don't want anything from them. And I was surprised that they keep explaining their side which I really don't want to know all the alibi that they used to do every time they notice that I can live without them. I already prove to them last year. After all the things they done to me talking shit for no reason against me and stabbing my back, thinking that I'm a stupid person that they can take advantages of me for being so soft and nice to them. I embrace all of that cos their for me your my friends and a family to me good or bad I will accept everything to them but for abusing my kindness and manipulating me and makes me felt bad just because I was caught in the middle and I can't give proper answer for commit with them some times and I broke my promised cos I have my personal things to do for myself and my own good if they really concerned and a friend they will understand me right? Till I asked myself why I'm in this situation since I have my own life to look after I'm the driver of my life and I don't want anyone to control me since I have a simple life to live and I don't need to explain myself to anyone cos I never once ask to pay off my bills nor asking any favor instead I'm the one helping them no matter what. I limit to explain myself cos I know myself rather than them. As I can see in the big picture it's all about jealous and that is a sad thing cos what ever I had or you they need they can easily ask me and always willing to help them out. This is not what I wanted all I want is really connection not just I can connect with them for what I have I was accused that I buy friendship and it hurt me badly for all I know poor thing to them to say that fooling their legs meaning you only wanted me in your life cos you can take benefits on me . Last year, I choose to be alone for almost 3 months and I love it no more this and don't I had no worries I only think myself and what I wanted to do. I have a great time and that time I meet the cancer man and enjoy our company his the one sometimes take a time out and go out with friends but when they asking me to reunite everything was change to us .And I admit and realized this guy had appoint that I don't need to focus my everything to them cos if I was hurt by them he can feel me. And there are times that I choose to be with them though we made a plan for us. Which he refused when I ask him if I can introduce him to my friends and when my friends notice that started giving negative feed till we fell a part though sometimes this guy had a bad side. I don't need them all I want is my own life to live without and complication but I knew that life is full of trial and complication I want to sort things out own my own I appreciate some advice but blaming and manipulating me for I made my own decision they had no right to judge me nor telling me what to do cos I never asked advice all I want is to voice out how I felt a comfort and no judging for what I decided. I wish I can keep in touch with you personal more than here but I dunno how ... I'm looking forward to that CWB kisses thanks for being there for me all the time especially when I need someone all the best and be safe always ..

  • Annie honey,

    stick to ur cancer man n ur own sense of whats right. Hon over all they need u more than u need them. N consider this, r they truly family or juss sucking leaches with bad blood? Do u REALLY need em THAt close in ur life?

    admin would u mind let it stand 4 24 hours n then delete if it the way to do? at least just the ahm connection issue lol thanx


  • Hi! CWB I got it but I'm out for awhile I will add you once I get home. I guess I leave him alone all I wish is to let him know that I have nothings against him nor any bad blood though he hurt me badly but , I have no way or guts to give him a ring. The last message that I send to him was I don't want anything to him cos i don't want to go back from where I am which was I'm so miserable and my family and friends had a treat for they never knew what I been dealing with him . They only knew that we had fight but abusing me and calling me names for he has nothing to prove that I'm like that . He makes me felt so sick. It's just I want to rebuilt myself I felt that they stole everything in me especially myself respect.I can't blame him may be I fall for him so easy and he knew my weakness. I really don't know but I can easily adjust myself I can really say that it's my worst nightmare and I'm in hell but i had no regrets cos now I will put the guard on again. I'm thinking to message him on his B- Day next month. But I ask one of my friend and she suggest it doesn't

    matter and I agree to her.I don't really know how to read him but as I remember he doesn't want spending time with me. I am the one insinuating to catch up while pushing me away. CWB I sometimes thinking what did I done I only wanted to share experience , love and care. But now I love to be alone and I am grateful for God amazing grace. I break my record now usually it takes ages to heal my broken hurt but now it's only a month and started to open my eyes and just realized people's surrounds me had a part from all of it but, I'm not mad to anyone I only wanted to be away from all of them and I still tried my best to exit slowly so I won't makes them feel bad towards me. I still thinking and studying whats the best way to exit no to hurt their feelings .

    I wish I can cut myself easily without any commotion. And I hope the wind can whisper to this cancer man that I'll be fine and I do understand that he never meant to hurt my feelings. But I really don't see any reason to say sorry to him cos he never once said that to me. Hope he realized how to asked apology. With all honesty I'm afraid to hear his voice I really don't know him at all and I don't want argue only time can tell I never close my door to anyone but I really don't know now how much I can give after all of this. I like what I'm doing now and happy with my family relationship .

    I don't want anything I was contented and I hope I can keep this feeling forever. Chat soon CWB .

  • CWB I don't want anything from him atm and if some times. I remember what happen to us and what he did to me is enough for me to turn my back from him. If I only knew it will gonna happen to me. I will not allow myself to happen this things but things happen for a good reason and know god gave me this trial to know how to set a certain limit in any kind of relationship and i need to learn to say no sometimes. Until now if some time I had nothing much to do I remember every single words that he used and I can't really imagine now why I let him to put me down actually he rather Hurt me physical than throwing a lot of nasty words that no one treated that way in this world .hahaha so emotional again silly I honestly felt bad if I remember those nasty words. He doesn't have any feelings it's just fun he told me that and I guess he was concern cos his benefiting on me to rhnk that I'm so inlove to him head over heal but not anymore bit o hope his happiness in everything he do and may find his home who ever he wanted to be with . I want him to be happy all the time he deserved all the best of everything so I'm Iol

  • There is s saying n i believe its true.

    If u aint happy n love urself on ur own alone, then how can u be happy n loved with someone else?


  • Hi CWB,

    As we have previously stated it is against our policy for you to post your email addresses in the forum. No exceptions. This rule is for your protection. I do apologize for this inconvenience.

    Thank you,


  • Non taken Admin, thank u. Can u tell us how else to connect outside forums? do we have an email at forums? thank u

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