Anyone want to get out an issue just chat about relations welocme:)

  • Open discusion for anyone who wants to get out anything within the area of relationships and fro genuine guidance using practicality.

  • Yes! Let me start by sayin I'm happy and content alone... But here's the story. A year ago I filed for divorce, I was angry and felt rejected and unloved and abandoned - everything took on a sad hue and I filed. I've learned soooooooo much over the past year! I married really young, at 17. My whole adult like (I'm 33) was under the identity of a wife and mother (had son at 17)... so now, having seperate lives from my ex and being able to move forward on my own has given me great strength. While I wouldn't take back the lessons I've learned, I do wish that I could have a second chance with my ex. He really was an amazing guy but we had bad communication and didn't express our needs well, which led to the whole host of problems :0(. I know now what I need and how to get it. I know how to be strong and independant but I want to share that life with him again. I've been sad about the loss but still moving forward. I just don't know how to get beyond feeling such hurt and longing for him. :0) I want him and our family back together sooooo badly.

  • May I ask, Gladyouwroteme, what exactly made you feel rejected and unloved by your ex husband ? By the way, good for you for having courage to end the unfulfiling relationship, if that was the case.

  • He left our family to go to medical school. I really didn't forsee feeling that way but he made all new friends and was social (something he wasn't with me) and felt like he fit in. I felt like he chose his new life over us, which wasn't really the case but it's what I felt at the time. He just wasnt' engaged and always lived in the future but the future kept coming and going and at some point I stopped believing we would ever get "there". He's a great guy, and more now of what I needed then. I am also a lot stronger now than I was then. Having my own identity helped a lot. I know that I don't have to be anything but "me" now :0) and that's pretty cool. :0)

  • I can see how that could make you/anyone feel insecure. Do you think you could live with that again, should you and him get back together? Could you honestly feel ok about him spending time with his new friends without you ? If you could do the same and feel good about it, I'd suggest that you contact him and honestly tell him how you feel. If he still wants you back - great, but if he has genuinely moved forward, you should do it as well, and not waste your time on wondering and second guessing. Just give him a call. Good luck !

  • Thanks, we have talked about it. He doesn't view me as a spouse anymore. I'm really sad. He made a huge transformation, as did I, and I feel like now we'd be better individuals together. He'll be back here starting in July so he would be a more stable in presense. I just really miss him. He said he's moved on, I believe him... I feel like he views me in a very neutral way now. I don't feel loved by him. :0( Some days are easier than others... Yesterday adn the day before were really really hard, today started out super difficult but I did a great meditation with my friend and it really helped cleans my soul... It just hurts to lose someone. There's a lot of grief wrapped up in this. I love him still.

  • Gladyouwroteme, I feel for you. Just take take one day at a time, grieve the loss of this relationship and believe that the new transformed you will certainly attract more happiness into your life. We are here to learn our lessons, so everything is as is destined to be. You'll be fine, I feel it.

  • I know :0) Its just hard to look back and realize how wrong I was. Although, without the changes I made, neither one of us would have grown so it's positive. I have some crazy jealousy issues though, soooo angry with teh woman he's with. I seem to be having a difficult time with that. I don't like it, i'm not an angry person but I end up seething when he doesnt answer his phone or text me back bc I think he's with "her". it's all just such a huge transition and it's difficult but it is getting better day by day. I know I"m going to be ok, I feel it too, it's just difficult to realize that the man who loved me so much doesn't love me at all-but I started it.... :0)

  • Hello...I have lost internet connection and it will be hooked up wednesday. I just moved to a new residence. Thank you for your reply. I will be addressing this.:)

  • Born June 14, 1975

    Why is it that guys always treat me wrong. I want better, but don't know how to break the habit.

    Help please



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  • Hello, I think the big challenge was the fact that you married at 17, before you got adapted to life without your mother and father. You did not develope an identity first or your true self worth. People have to realize that detaching from a relationship is hard when they engage so young because its also a security they had for the time being before they had one with them selfs. That causes detachment issues. Everyone has to get an identity and content on their own in life, its your time now.

    Mardepp; I agree fully......when ones pressure to know the answer that often shown a "needyness" setting expectations or looking to far ahead to ensure a security......inner work needs to be done in order to be a selfless lover and go with the flow......a whole life ahead with a partner...2 years is nothing...a real partnership is serious and it takes much time to get a serious commitiment.,.even for yourself when you get really content and true happiness inside with established boundaries and self worth; you may not even feel the same way later on....go with the flopw and enjoy the in the now:)

  • Born4love, maybe guys always treat you badly because you don't stand for yourself enough? You have to love yourself enough not to get involved with abusive/distant types.

  • Born4love - I agree with VolpySoply,m I also want to add, do not be so desperate to be in a relationship that just bc someone asks you out, you do not have to say yes! I always tell my children to look for the types of people they are 1st. Look to see if they are respectful in manners and speech. If they are polite and responsible. Do they work hard?

    Let me give you an example, do they drive a banged up piece of crap car that they trash out? Or do they keep their car clean regardless of what it looks like? If they keep it clean, then they respect things.

    Do they talk like a punk gansta? Always swearing, down grading to women? Or do they talk talk with respect?

    How do they present themselves? As the "man".....or are they considerate of others around them?

    See, you have to take an honest look at who people present themselves to be.

  • rapunzle44, you have it right. Thank you for your support. I am so much better now. Realizing that he's not coming back forced me to come to terms with it. You know, I have have so so so many great people in my life that I'm surprised I was grappling so hard to get him back. Once I let go I felt like everything was fine, sure I'm sad our family is broken apart but we're going to be alright.

  • Very Good gladyouwroteme. Just always be careful when you seek advice. You are your best answer tool. Make sure that the type of advice is not enabling illusion or means to be distracted by the truth. It happens to many; struggle to accept. We all can reach understanding but the acceptance part is where we can get into a stalemate. We all have done it, its part of growing and holding wisdom to know what is for the better.

  • Hi,

    I posted on a separate thread created by myself asking Gemini's for help/advice, but I thought I would post here as well! 🙂

    I've recently had a really odd and messy break up with a Gemini man. When we first broke up he gave me some really odd excuses for not wanting to be with me. he said things like "I can see a future with you, and see myself marrying you but I just don't know if we have enough in common”… very confusing to me. We have stuff in common...a LOT in common...but not EVERYTHING. He has different hobbies than I do and we also have different views on certain topics. To me, when people don’t have anything in common, they usually LEARN from each other instead of throwing up their hands and giving up. My Gemini man talked of getting married and having kids all the time. he talked about finding a job in my city to move closer to me.

    At first, with me being the Scorpio I am, I laid low. I was hesitant about being in a relationship, but I got assurance over time from him that we were going for long term so I finally let go. Almost immediately after I opened up to him and finally let him in, he decided he didn’t want to be with me anymore and came up with these excuses…

    We talked several times after the official break up. He would talk to me like nothing was wrong. He would tell me he missed me and that he wishes he could hold me. he would flirt with me ALL the time. I finally cut all communication with him in March and told him I don’t want to be dragged along and given false hope while he’s out on the prowl to find someone else that has “more stuff in common” with him. I didn’t want to be on the back burner. he said he was sorry and that he didn't mean to give me the impression of being dragged along and that he would leave me alone. he then said "sometimes when you still have feelings for someone, you keep them in your life. I guess I was being a little selfish that way. "

    we didn't talk for a while, but I ended up sending him a polite text on his birthday( 5/21) wishing him well. he’s a Taurus/Gemini cusper so he’s hard headed too…LOL. He text me back asking me flirtatiously where his present was and that he wanted me to surprise him. I sort of avoided it completely as to not get sucked in.

    Well about a week ago, we ended up having another conversation in which he told me AGAIN that he missed me. we talked about him dating and me dating others(I’ve been on a few dates but nothing special) and were being open with each other. He then told me I have “nothing to be jealous of”. Eluding to the fact that he still has feelings for me.

    I’m just truly confused. I know Gemini’s are twins and can be super wishy washy and not know exactly what they want all the time. I also know that for a lot of Gem guys, it takes them a LONG time to finally settle down because they want to “sow all their oats” first.

    We haven’t communicated since a week ago. I ended the conversation by telling him I was tired and to have a good night.

    Anyone’s insight would be GREATLY appreciated!! I’m just curious as to what I can do from my end to either help him be assured or if I should just leave him be.

  • Its nothing to do with astrology. What guy actually settles down soon? Many males do this and self assurance is a confidence issue. It is up to him. Its about being clear on his feelings and what he wants. Its also being confident and astute within making choices. He may not be ready to commit and unclear about what he reallty wants. You cannot help one to make a choice or be assured, this is fully up to him.

  • I'm just wondering if I should wait for him or if I should move in another direction. I've tried moving on and been on a few dates but with no success. my heart is still with my Gem. I'm keeping my options open just like he is, but I feel a very strong connection with him. I'm truly confused by why he's saying he misses me but doesn't want to get back together or even TRY to work on our relationship.

    I can understand him being unsure, but then he should have talked to me about that before making a conclusion and running away.

    I'm trying to have patience with this situation, but it's very difficult for me.

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