I need answers to find the strength to carry on. Can anyone help, please?

  • Do you do readings? I am new to this site and relatively new to Tarot....I am in a situation where I was married and my lover was married. We both thought we had found a soulmate in each other and planned a future together. Selfish, perhaps, but it just happened. We knew each other for almost a year. Our spouses had been told (his wife was sent an anonymous letter 6 weeks before my husband knew). We talked, spent time apart, decided that yes, we wanted to be together. We found a house to rent. Then, with my bags packed and my stuff in boxes by the front door of my marital home, I went to bed ready to move the next day. My love spoke to me that evening, affirming his love and his looking forward to the future with me. The following morning, he said that his wife had a last ditch effort to persuade him to stay and considerable emotional blackmail was used. Whatever. He didn't leave. I was in shock. I managed to cancel the rented house we chose together and took a flat on the basis it was dishonest to stay with a husband I didn't love. My now ex-love who stayed with his wife has cut off all contact with me, as though I have leprosy. He has completely cut me out of his life. Three months later and I still can't get my head round what he has done. I am working hard to move on but I have no idea what he is thinking or feeling because he shuns all contact with me. Won't speak to me, or anything. He has left me to work this one out on my own. I know what sort of a 'man' this makes him, but nevertheless I need to get a handle on what is in his head. I have to say he is a workaholic whose career is who he is; his wife works at the same place. He has quite a bit of standing in a small community and we knew we would have big waves to ride, when we got together. His career would stall, but not be permanently damaged. He had said he wanted to take advantage of a change in govt. to bring about massive changes at his workplace where he is in charge. He has the chance to make a real name for himself and I can access a website where I can see he is beginning to implement the changes he had spoken of (when we were speaking). I am a Scorpio (11/11/60) and he is a Cancer (09/07/57). Is it possible for you to do a reading, please

  • Psychically I feel you and your lover were both looking for an emotional outlet for your frustrations with your spouses and in your lover's case, also his career. I feel his emotions turn on a dime and sometimes he needs lots of sympathy and consolation, and at other times he is aloof and in charge of himself alone. Yes, he will want to reconnect with you on and off forever, but only as a comforting friend and casual sexual partner, not as a lifelong primary mate or spouse. A Cancer male, once he has chosen a wife and/or has children with her, will cling to his family through thick and thin, even if he has affairs. A family is everything to him.

    He needs sex as an outlet for any difficulties he is having in his life, and you see it as a way to get closer to your partner. But it's up to you if you want to be a permanent mistress to this man, but it would be selling yourself very short of what you deserve. You feel a certain 'thrill' about being chosen by this important man - it makes you feel good about yourself at least on a superficial level, but staying to be used by him as his sex comfort will erode your self-esteem after a while.

    Astrologically, your profiles indicate that this relationship is a rather mysterious one and hard to fathom. It should be a relatively easygoing and pleasurable matchup - but your involvement goes beyond simple pleasure however, being enigmatic even to the two of you yourselves. A deep magnetic pull often draws you together, and once your relationship is formed, it may be difficult to modify or break apart. Feelings intertwine subtly and compellingly to create bonds of loyalty but also of dependency. You two often mirror and act out each other's feelings without being aware of the process. Egos can dissolve here, boundaries can blur, and individuality can fade. A love affair can be passionate and binding. You two often stake a claim to each other without realizing it. The mysteries of love, sex and relationships in general unfold here like an enchanted panorama that has you both under its spell. Even if you try to be analytical and objective about what is happening, you both pull back from the shock of recognition, falling instead into the unconscious stream of forgetfulness and abandon. Getting lost together will remain a constant activity here. But this is all really just one big fantasy and there is no real empathy or reality here, just possessiveness, dreams, and lust. When the smoke clears, all that may be left is a broken heart and sentimentality about the past. The enigmatic nature of this relationship will never fully be understood even if years pass. But sometimes you just have to swap magic for reality, when magic is not working for you.

  • Thank you for that - insightful. Within this situation, he has abandoned one family, about 30 years ago, with a baby involved, so I think he is a little more selfish than he is a family man. I think he will do what he can to serve himself?

    Anyway, one other thing is that I was told on Friday by a medium (I was supporting my local spiritualist church) that, regarding this situation (the medium mentioned the person's name and a significant detail) I should be still, be patient and let events run their course. He said that I was going to get 'divine intervention' (whatever that means) in the near future and that I would have the last laugh but I must also forgive, when this happens......

    Either way, I will always have a connection to my ex-love and I think you are right, he will have a connection to me - in an enigmatic way. I think that he has a journey and that one day, he will put affairs of the heart before his career. Maybe something will happen to precipitate this? I have found out that he is 'depressed', feels 'trapped' and 'in turmoil' and that he wants to contact me, but can't.....

    I am in a state of confusion and realise I must move forwards. Any advice - and I know what a sensible, rational person would say - greatly appreciated. It's just easier said than done,........you know? (and I think you do).

    Thanks, Cap'n

    Love from thepolyglot x

  • What exactly do you see in this selfish man if you don't mind me asking? And what exactly do you want from him - for him to leave another family and start one with you? Wouldn't you be worried that he will stick to his usual pattern of abandonment or affairs?

    Do you know why he left his first family - I would be interested to see what happened as this is rather out of character for a Cancer man. Does he have contact with his children? A Cancer only leaves his family under great duress or if he feels his needs are not being met.

  • I know he is selfish and self serving. It was the age old story of chemistry being right and the bedroom being the best ever. He is not a player but I think he is weak and selfish. The other bits were so right, that I overlooked his selfishness. He left his first family and has cut them out of his life, just like he has now done to me. He hasn't had contact with the baby, who is now an adult in their late twenties. He received a letter from either her or her mother, but hasn't shown it anyone and hasn't had the guts to read it. It remains sealed. I think he didn't want the responsibilty at a young age but I suspect he did to her what he did to me, ie took her all the way up the garden path and then left. His departure was abrupt and he shut down, retreated into his cave, etc both times. And a similar event in his life which he also told me about, he acted the same way. I should have seen it coming. But I can't seem to stop loving him. I don't want to hate because it is negative and corrosive, but not being able to let go is also damaging me.

    I'll get there.

  • Cap'n - I didn't say what I wanted from him.....we are both too old to have kids, but what I want from him is the same as he said he wanted from me - a relationship and marriage. He told me that his marriage was dead, that he didn't find his wife attractive and that it was done and dusted. I realise that she is a living, breathing person, too, with emotions, but I believed that his marriage was in the same state as mine was. He went back to her because on the eve of us moving in together, she laid it on the line that she loved him and that he had taken his vows with her. She said he should make a commitment to her; that he owed her because she had stuck by him through thick and thin. Along with other things, my overall conclusion is that he was right when he said the fall-out would be much bigger if he ditched her. If she was willing to forgive, which she is, and she has said that she loves him, I guess he questioned whether moving out was worth all the effort and hassle and the upset that it would cause. How much can he have loved me? Not enough. He is too busy loving himself - looking after numero uno.

  • So it is just the physical attraction, the bedroom satisfaction, that holds you to him? You don't seem to like him as a person. The physical aspect is actually the easiest attachment of all to lose or let go of. You just have to find another lover.

  • Yeah, it might just help me to think of it that way, I think. There was a relationship besides the sex.....we both (said we) felt like halves of a whole. He said he had never felt so safe, so secure and so wanted and that he wished we had met years ago.

    I think that he and his wife have done a trade off; she gets to keep the status quo, house, financial situation etc (they moved about a year ago from one end of the country to the other and she knows no-one where they are now. Nor does she have a job any more). His part of the trade off is that he is forgiven but continues to provide. I think she is more reliant on him, than he on her, but I know he feels responsible. He said that if she told him to clear off, he would go in a breath. He expected her to, but she didn't and it totally threw him.

    In any event, I have to look after me. It has been really truly theraputic to get all of this down on paper and I am grateful for that. I think I have had a sort of epiphany where I realise that, whatever I am doing, whether I am crying or happy, it won't affect him. (If he had left his wife, he would have been severely affected by her tears and so on, because he would have had to see her every day and would have had alot of contact because of specific circumstances. It is this daily reminder that he couldn't face and it most definitely would have impacted negatively on his job). But going back to talking about my feelings, if I am crying and miserable, it will only affect me and me alone (no pun intended!). So I might as well try to be happy. For me. I have booked myself into a spa for a full massage and waxing!!!!! Thank you for your replies - if you want to submit a parting shot, or words of wisdom, or do a reading for my future pathway, I would be all ears!!!

    Thank you for your help in all of this, really.

    Polyglot x

  • What other people (the public) think of him - his image - is very important to this man and he would never do anything that would put him in a bad light socially or professionally. You would always be his 'dirty little secret'. He may say you are his other half, but his status, image and career needs are given much higher priority than yours.

  • Your future happiness lies with a tallish blond man (possibly younger) who is much more laid back and less devoted to his image and career. I see you having babies with him and living contentedly with little material possessions but much love and happiness.

  • The tall blonde younger man I can take, (meeting him again this weekend for some 'platonic'? time together????) but I am 50 so I hope there will be no more children!!!

  • You will be involved in looking after children together in some way - if they are his or if you care for someone else's children.

  • Ah. His kids are 7, 9 and 11. Hence my focus on the platonic. However, he is keen to further things but the involvement of children, not to mention a wife, and my recent experience is saying keep your distance. I don't mind being friends, but I don't want to be resonsible for busting a family up.

    I am however, getting multiple coincidences and 'feelings' surrounding the ex-man in my life. I am overwhelmed sometimes and have taken to writing incidents down, because there are many, many small things. Plus the feathers still come.......I still need all sorts of answers. Paddifluff suggested a book on Angels, which has made so many things make sense re feathers and music. I didn't know the significance of the feathers and I always felt that it was my mum encouraging me with my ex-love. Humpf. Got that wrong, then!?!

    Thanks for reading; thank you also for your time. I hope someone is able to give you similar support when you need it.

  • You're welcome.

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