Guidance please

  • Hi!

    I am going through a time of great struggle in my personal life and was hoping there was someone who could give me any guidance of what to expect over the next little bit. My birthdate is Aug 27/78.

    I was seeing someone (July 8/78) while I was seperated from my husband (Sept 17/78). This man I was seeing has since broke up with me and I came clean to my husband. Things are in extreme turmoil right now with both people and I feel like I am unsure as too what path is right. I don't know where to put my energy. I have very strong feelings for this other man.

    Any guidance would be appreciated

  • Any secretiveness or hiding from a third party (in this case, your husband) or society is very bad for your relationship with the Cancer man. He didn't like the complexity of it all and it used up too much of both your energies. A love affair or marriage between you would only work if it is out in the open. Also your relationship with him promotes unconventionality, and your Cancer man is apt to slip out of your grasp. The harder you chase him, the more bizarre his or your own behaviour can become. This chase can quickly become addictive. It may be too late to start a more open relationship with him - the damage may be done. Cancer men tend to move on without looking back if the situation is not ideal for them.

    Your husband is more of a parent/teacher/boss to you than an equal partner. He probably directs your physical energy and maybe even treats you like his child or student. You probably value his advice and guidance - until you come into your own power, that is, and can guide yourself. There can be trust and mutual understanding here, although criticism, reprimands, and nit-picking might undermine the relationship. It is not an easy pairing for love, emotionally, physically or spiritually. You can both be extremely rough and uncompromising with each other.

    Lesliem101, both these relationships have their good and bad points - maybe you should consider a third alternative for yourself? It doesn't have to be one or the other.

  • Thanks....... I think I kind of thought that about my cancer man but was hoping for something more since I felt such a strong connection to him and that we could have a amazing relationship. I was hoping we would find our way through this.

    I also think you are right about my husband - everything you said describes our relationship.

    Thanks again

  • Capitain - further to this my Cancer man has now cut of all communication with no reasoning. Yesterday we spoke and things were find and when I got up this morning I was blocked from everything? What am I missing?

  • He lied - things weren't fine with him as I explained in my post. He can't handle your being with someone else, even if you are separated. He just didn't want to get into an emotional scene over it. Immature Cancer guys tend to run, rather than stay and fight.

  • Hi Captain

    My aplogies for bothering you again - I am having a hard time getting over my cancer guy. He is on my mind constantly and I am having a hard time understanding why he cut off all contact with me. Does he think of me? Does he miss me? Will we talk again. I know the relationship is not going to be resurrected.


  • Lesliem101, this is not about this ex of yours, but about you and how you feel about yourself, about your sense of self-worth, lovability and attractiveness. Your insecurity is prompting you to go over and over this affair trying to see where you may have gone wrong. A little bit of analysis is fine but obsessing over it is not. Try building up your self-esteem, confidence and self-respect by learning to love yourself more. Then you won't need to dwell on thoughts of old relationships but will look forward to making new ones.

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