Lonly, and needing help



  • For my whole life I have been dating men who end up being jerk's. I always think in the beggining that I will be with them for a long time but they always change. Now, I have just given up all hope on finding someone who can love me and be real about it. Every day I just get more and more lonly. I feel like I will never find anyone any time soon. The want for a decent relationship has been affecting my life, causing sadness when thought about. Which tends to be many times a day. It isn't as if my image is affecting anything because (not being self centered) I know I'm not a bad looking person. I have been told that I am fun, outgoing, very passionate. So, is it me? If anyone could give me some suggestions on what to do, i would be so grateful.



  • Dear Broken:

    From my own experience, what I have learned about relationships is that they are all, ultimately, always, about ME. What I experience with another person is a reflection of my own inner world. If someone betrays me in a relationship, I have to look at how I betray myself. If I feel abandoned by someone, I can become aware of how I abandon myself. Love is not something "out there" to find or attract, it can ONLY come from within.

    The downside of this is that it means I have to create love for myself -- no one is going to come along and take away my loneliness or make everything all better by showering love on me (this can be a temporary fix, but never a lasting solution). This is also the upside -- I don't have to wait around for Mr. Right before I feel love -- I can experience love right now, by loving myself.

    In my opinion, loving yourself better is the only solution. What makes you happy? What makes you feel good? What can you do for yourself right now that demonstrates your self-love? What are you looking for from other people that you can do for yourself? Which qualities are you attracted to in other people that you can cultivate in yourself?

    I wish you luck and strength in your quest for love -- start building from within, and eventually your outer world will catch up. If your relationship with yourself is strong, then you can feel love and happiness whether or not you're in relationship with anyone else.

    *I am a Tarot.com employee. The views expressed in this post are mine and do not necessarily reflect the views of Tarot.com.



  • Wow, that is some really good advice from Emily. The thing is that kind of introspection is really hard to manage. I myself, find myself lying in wait for someone or something else to fix things for me because that seems so much easier. But then again maybe its not because I end up feeling the same way as broken. So I just wanted to say that your not alone.



  • Very Very good advice from Emily.......I have also come to realize after 11 yrs of marriage that I was most happiest when I was not dating on tied to someone.....I love how I had such a free spirit about life....I sometimes find myself wanting that feeling back....You know not looking for people to make me happy but for me to make me happy........and going for what I want and not what other think I should....So broken8694 please take Emily adivice because its so true......I think if I had someone in my life that gave that kind of advice when I was single I think I would have pick a different path in life than the one I did.....Do get me wrong I love my little girl and myself but I think I would have done thing a litte different........



  • Dear, dear Broken,

    It took me a while to learn that whatever I seek, I must find within myself. Once I learned to give to me that which I desired, there was a shift. (There is always a shift.) I wasn't feeling so empty or needy anymore. Perhaps your self esteem is in need of some upgrading? Mine was. Have you created any affirmations to help you feel better? Louise Hay has some excellent books, & even writes a column in one of the free monthlies. Is it time for you to release how you feel about your past experiences, to forgive yourself and let go of what it is that causes you to make the choices you make? I have found this is an ongoing exercise.

    You can learn what underlies why you make the choices you do. Once you ask the difficult questions, meditate with the intention of getting answers so you can do what you need to do to release what you need to release. Then you can move on.

    There are sites on the INTERNET which can help you to grow. Growth takes effort, but it is definitely something you want -- dear Broken. You are worth the effort!!

    Good luck in your quest!



  • I am with you too, in the same position. At the end of the day, one piece of advice I give is this.............be true to yourself....love yourself. This in my case means eating fruit and veg and losing weight.



  • it's when you are not looking, that things stumble across your path.

    Why are you attracted to jerks? that is more the question.

    Where are you shopping for men?