Hello everyone! I am new to this site and consulted a tarot for a question i've had that's been bothering me for some time now. I've used tarot cards numerous times before but have never came across a reading that has spoken to me so profoundly as this one. I'm in a very sensitive, confused, yet hopeful time in my life and was just looking for more insight to this reading. I will list my reading and also what I think it means to me. Any help is greatly appreciated!
How you feel about yourself now: The Devil
What you most want at this moment: Strength
Your fears: The Fool
What is going for you: The Sun
What is going against you: The Tower
Outcome: The Hermit
I have recently made some decisions that i'm not too proud about. I constantly get down on myself wondering if what I chose was the right options. I remain hopeful and am at least 75% of my day positive and happy, but negativity comes creeping on at the most unsuspecting times. And when it hits, it hits hard. I lose sight of all that's good and right in my life and can't stop wondering why things are going so bad. It's as if my life is a roller coaster of up and down extremes. Mainly, when I get the feeling that i'm alone and there is no one out there who can understand or help me. I consider myself a loner, and realizethat no one can bring out happiness to myself except me, but it still gets lonely at times and it really sucks when you, yourself, can't cheer you up. I've been having some really big doubts about my direction in life and which paths are real and imaginary. I have somewhat gave up the "innocence" in my life to pursue a more purposeful and meaningful life by striving towards something impactful with my lifetime here on Earth. I've also met a friend recently who is a psychic and although he has opened me up spiritually to things that were once dormant in my life, the things he tells me I should do for myself go against my own nature and is the complete opposite of what I really want. Yet, we still agree on the more visionary and humanitary ideals of our lives. We don't really connect socially, but I don't connect with anyone else more spiritually. I have my doubts about him and trust issues, however. It might be a past life things, but it still causes me to wonder. Since meeting this new friend, I have somewhat "abandoned" and left my high school friends to go on a more individual journey of self-exploration. My high school friends and lots of the other people associated with them, I feel as if know me as somebody i'm not. I used to act in a way that people would be able to accept and like me, even if it meant suppressing who I really was or wanted to say. Their appraisals and compliments were only confirmations and strokes towards my ego. I still feel a pull towards them and really miss hanging out with them, though everytime I attempt to meet up with them, I am back to my old self. All the old ways of thinking and all this progress i've made spiritually goes out the window. Either that, or i'll try too hard to force my opinions and what i've learned upon them. Only with the best of intentions though. To teach them all that i've realized from my own self-journey. I can see that they are all still doing the same things that they always do and haven't really opened themselves up spiritually yet. They just don't get it. Either that, or they wouldn't don't want to. Everyone is too involved with the materialistic realm and social disturbances to really look inward to discover their potentials. So because of all this confusion, i've debated whether or not to move away and experience something new. I believe that The Tower card goes against this. So now, I am just basically a hermit as the outcome implies, in deep introspection, learning more about myself and the world that surrounds me, convincing myself that I am doing the right thing. This was a lot to read and I thank anyone who takes the time to read it and reply. Any more insight on the cards would be great help as well.
Devil - You feel you are chained in some ways, by following the spiritual path because it in many ways is taking you away from the real and material world (that you miss).
Strength - You want the inner strength to choose the right path
Fool - Should you make that leap of faith ??? Thats the question. Or are you just jumping off a cliff??? Thats the dilemma you are in
Sun - The "light". A new road and beginning towards a beautiful journey
Tower - This whole turmoil and upheaval you are feeling right now, because you fear that you will choose the wrong path. But remember, you have to turn your life "upside down" to actually learn what life is all about. So although you may view this as a negative at present, the "old tower" has to be stripped down to build a "beautiful palace"
Hermit - The card of introspection and "finding" oneself
Overall, you have just begun your journey and it is natural to feel the upheaval, doubts and turmoil that you are feeling. Don't run away from it, but rather embrace it. And through that embrace, you will get a clear answer. You heart already know the answer, but if you face these feelings head on, your mind will know it too. And then you will be on your way without any doubts or apprehentions.
The Hermit card and what you said about your friends made me thing of something else that I thought I must mention. A spiritual path does not mean total detachment from the material world. It is about living in the material world but at the same time being detached from its results or attachments of any kind. Spirituality and being one with God is about loving all people, and how can we love people if we shy away from them? So meeting friends or people in general, is imperative for spiritual growth.
But do not try to force or even present your views to most people. 90 % of the people you meet will not understand a word of what you are talking and neither are they interested, But that doesn't mean you are on the wrong track. The need for approval from others (or even agreement) is the ego talking, and you don't need that at all. You are no one to judge where other people are and whether what they are doing is right or wrong. Again, the ego comes in here, because the ego wants constant reassurance that it is right. When you are with your friends (or anyone else for that matter) enjoy the moment and dwell in the love around. Thats all you really need to do. Everything else will be taken care of by the Universe.
I am sorry, this was like a lecture and I ma also new down this path so just gave my views. I may be wrong here, but was just trying to help the best I could.