So much loneliness…
I’m a dark Pisces by heart, though I have always required a lot of affection, appreciation, & smiles. My handsome son was just born in March, to my Sagittarius lover & I. We both love our son so very much, though the issues between us keep getting deeper & we seem to be getting farther apart every day. I find myself so bitter, & I know the perfection of emotional attachment to just the right words to make this even more so wrong. Listening to my cries for just simple LOVE, seems to be going in & out of his ears. I should probably talk more on our situation… We are currently living in his mother’s basement, though I have been working hard to find us a place in the city, which this week we’ll be moving into our own townhome. After having lil one, I stay at home with him, also I take care of all baby needs.. day & night, no worries it’s my job & I love to do these things. Dad works 8-5, comes home gets his alone time on the computer & in the tub.. though I’m finding that he just doesn’t seem to get enough. So on weekends he plans golf, cars, & other activities with his brother, dad, friends… none of these involving our son or me, until I complain about it & will be involved in some activities. He has always been one to not show emotion, but for gods sake not in the sexual manner. The kisses stopped pretty much when I told him I was pregnant; the sex was predictable & lasted till 7 months pregnant. After getting on birth control we have had sex 2 times. Kisses have not returned yet, & the amount of his daily porn endeavors has escalated to shockingly & o so hurtfully high numbers. What is going on in his heart? Why does this mess of our togetherness continue? How do I be the person he needs & also have my own needs met?
*** meaning: 1. making love, 2. making love, & 3. getting on the computer or phone for seeing this action done by other people.
Oh dear goldenmomgoddess!
I'm sorry you're feeling this so alone and unloved way...
This is, sadly, a not uncommon response that guys have upon the occasion of becoming a Daddy!
And there's the Saggie guy stuff, too. If you get a chance, while lil baby boy-Congratulations!!!
while he's sleeping, check out the Sag guy threads-there's a few. They may help you understand that gestalt! But, I know from my and other Moms experiences, that a 1st time Daddy is coming to grips with the enormous responsibility and truly awesome and powerful love and fears that is the territory of being a parent. It's a shock, especially for the men/fathers, IMO. You're not at all "alone"!!! You're also physically and emotionally " raw" from giving birth! Plus, the hormonal thing-yikes! Poor Pisces, you just need a good, big ole (((((((hug))))))))) just roll with it, honey. Tell Mr. Saggie that you miss him, and ask him if he's flipped out coz he's a Dad now? Have a chat, not too needy, not desperate! Be calm and honest! And realize that you are going through a quite common feeling, trust me! Take it easy, OK? You're only human, so is he. One of my favorite lines is " Fear
knocked at the door. Faith answered. No one was there."
Keep me posted-sending strength, hope and optimism!
Thank you for your uplifting words & the hug
This evening went much better, he knew since yesterday that I just needed a drink, so he brought me a mini bottle of jack & a can of cocacola, it was the cutest thing I have seen him do in so long. Though he threw it at my feet after starting an arguement upon his arrival home.. I felt really sorry & yes I'll admit it loved!
I was crying again tonight in bed.. woke him up, asking what's wrong? I told him what you said, "I miss hanging out with you, I miss your text messages... I need you to understand that I just need a hug, & how much that it affects me when I'm left in the cold"...
Wow I stayed calm & found that when I speak with my most simplistic form of emotion, or root problem I can communicate effectively. Now I just have to remember that mask of 20 different emotions is a cause of the effect. Ah wow, you have helped!!
Hey there, dear GGMomma!!!!
Yes!! You're feeling better, I'm so, sooooo happy!
See, Daddy-o is trying...guys have their own ( and not the same as us gals),
ways of showing that they really do love you-and his and your new bambino...
I'm going to remind you, my sweet Pisces lady,
1. One cannot emphasize enough!!!-a new Mom's hormonal yin-yangin' will make her nutty at times, if not a lot of the time... Goes on for a while. It is normal, do not fight this natural process, honey! Perhaps you could ( at an "appropriate" time!) gently inform your man about this hormonal thing...he will then atleast know that it's just what happens, and this too shall pass! And men do seem to " relate" to the Internet! You might consider googling post-partum hormonal stuff (together?), the info online may make it easier for him to "get it"? Just a thought!
My daughter is a Pisces, and her bro is a Saggie, so I kind of " know" a bit about how the 2 interact...sort of!!!
Please keep me updated,K? And good for you-you remembered rule #1!! Keep Calm, even if you have to "fake it til you make it..."
Be easy on yourself and on your new Daddy-man, keep in mind what I told you about the first-time Dads!!! Becoming a Parent for the first time is HUGE, and quite overwhelming for everyone!!!
Take Care-and another ((((((((Hug)))))))) !!!!
Lisa your Scorpio Momma buddy
Congrats to you,
I think you should let your loving husband know how you feel and encourage him, gentle to talk to you.
Its not what we say, ITs HOW WE SAY IT...
He may be more responsive to your needs, but you must tell him how you feel and what you need.