O so sad today. I think I just ruined it with cancer guy



  • Yesterday I was having a crappy day.. I wanted to see my cancer guy who lives about 2 hours away but couldnt because he had to work. I was disappointed. We got on the subject of if he'd ever live here where i'm at and he said no because there is no opportunity here which is true. Right away I got mad.. I said something along the lines of what was the point in getting involved if things were never intended to grow between us and when I tried to end it before over something that was my own insecurity he didnt want me to go that it seemed like he didnt want to let me go. he said something about how he doesnt want us to end and that was besides the point that he cant believe id be mad at him for not wanting to move here considering how the town does suck. Why can't I move he asked and i cant move because i have a child i dont want to take him far from his family.. So he said well you have things that tie you there and i have things like career opps that tie me here.. But we were kinda rude to eachother and it didnt really end well he got offline and hasn't talked to me since.. When I think about it maybe we were both assuming the other would move closer.. Idk if i should just let him go since we probably cant make anything out of our situation anyway or appologize to him for being so quick to anger...



  • i think i got mad because before he kinda made it seem like if he could find a job here he would move here for me but now all of a sudden the answer is just straight up NO.



  • O yea I also said to him then well good luck with your career then I hope you make lots of money... and he said WOW ok then.. and when I asked why he said wow he said nothing.. then the convo was pretty much over.



  • Hey brookenicole84

    "Idk if i should just let him go since we probably cant make anything out of our situation"

    I'm sorry but my only advice is to pray. The situation doesn't look promising but if it is meant to be God will help you make it happen.



  • Cancerman is right dear it may be out of your hands now. Ya know the old adage "If it's mean to be it will be" Some cancers can be confusing. I would let it go and focus on your own and your childs best interests. Good luck.

    Pfree



  • So today he was online.. I asked him if he was mad he said no are you and i said no and he said well thats good then and i said so you thought i was mad? and he said yea.. and i said i wasnt really mad i was having a crappy day and ended up taking it out on you i didnt mean to do that.. then he didnt say anything... that was the end of that.. I think I'm just going to back off.. I should have never brought that up in the first place...



  • OOhhhh the mistakes we make. As i once b4 adviced u nicole u need to learn about how men ticks, i even guide u pointing u to askmen on ivillage. yet did u go? no.

    so ill run it down 4 u, carve it out n hammer it on ur head.

    EVER since the cave days men has been the accumulater of roof over head, food on table, the one bringing home the bacon.

    its still true to this day ONLY that today MEN DEFINE THEIR WHOLE BEING SOUL LIFE WORLD on the JOB THEY DO N HOLD.

    if work goes well all is well. if work is effed all is effed. SIMPLE.

    Now i DONT know if u followed the financial crisis the world is STILL VERY MUCH STUCK IN. 15 years ago u may have chunked a good job for a chance in a diff city where the odds are slim. Today u JUST DONT. Why? becaus unlike 15 years ago the chances today in an area hit badly with no jobs n huge amount of unemployed those that hold a job just dont chunk it.

    U didnt JUST demand he uproot n move bc u WANT more with him, NO u demanded he chunk his status, his life, his world. u demanded he CHANGE to fit UR needs.

    Of course he´d be ANGRY as EFF.

    Honey u are STILL the HARE. WHAT IS THE RUSH????

    Thats the DOWN NEGATIVE side of it.

    Now the GOOD is u PASSED this fight. Non of u are angry or upset. latest studies has shown the friends and pairs that makes it through these blows, has a longer standing endurance rate than any other pairs.

    Nicole, i again STRESS u NEED to know how men work. n u NEED to figure out why ure in such a rush SERIOUSLY. bc one day u may have ruined a great thing BEYOUND ANY REPAIRS. he´ll simply SLIP from ur life VANISH never heard from again.

    ur guides tell me if u keep this up that demand that me me me thing he´ll go awol n next u hear of he, he´ll have married someone else.

    game

    match

    want to win him or lose him?

    cwb



  • so what do you suggest i do now? i think i'm just gonna back off and focus on me and my child like pfree said



  • i dont really feel like we are past it.. he says he isnt angry but he isnt speaking to me still so...



  • Hon, u in u need change BUT u porject it to him in demands he cant fulfull. He aint in need of change, u are as its right there in ur words, mind n soul.

    Also to me it sounds u aint happy as u n u have some hope that if he changes u will b. Hon as much as it pains me to say this, u wont b happy with any one until ure happy as u on ur own.

    u need change n one to do it is u alone, non other can.

    as 4 ur mr cancer, give him space n time. on occasion leave message onb ur doings, dont demand or ask him 4 a change u want n need in u as u.

    another angle is if u find urself in need of advice ask him, but word it so its 4 u n not him

    cwb



  • How do I become happy on my own? I'm struggling with this.



  • Thats when u know feel sense u dont need anyone else to b happy.

    4 how else can u if u aint happy on ur own b happy with someone else?

    As it is now, u will b demanding he keep u happy provide u to b happy n happyness, n when he cant u blame him for lack of making u happy.

    is that fair Nicole? he´ll feel he is responsible 4 ur whole spectra of emotions. N seriously no one is responsible 4 our happiness but us. Which mean u are in charge on n 4 ur own happyness. no one else is.

    Once ya is happy on ur own in urself with urself u will b happy n content with any other person.

    Does this make sense?

    cwb



  • normal cancers (ie ones that arent losers) always put business first.

    a career is VERY important to alot of cancer folk, if not THE most important thing.



  • yea i thought about that thats why i'm sorta not taking it personal.. but we talked about it.. tuesday he was really nice but i def feel like i booted myself into friend zone haha i havent heard from him since tuesday... and sunday i had left the ball in his court he responded monday and then tuesday we talked about it and now nothing.. i'm just backing off for now... i need to get my feelings under control because i now feel like he isnt feeling the same way and i dont want to get hurt.



  • Well consider urself lucky that u hear from ur busy cancer once a week, Many aint as lucky sweetie.

    cwb



  • CWB what do you mean "ur guides tell me"



  • what happened with your cancer man brookenicole?



  • well he's talkin to me everyday now.. i just backed off.. i was sending him messages here and there telling him i miss laying with him but then i just got tired of doing that and stopped talking all together.. I had loaned him some money before and i didnt want ties so i just messaged him and told him i wasnt worried about the money that he didnt have to pay me back to just consider it a kind gesture or soemthing and i hope all is well.. well he messaged me back telling me how sweet i am and that i'm a beautiful person and he cant wait to come home and see me again and now hes been talkin to me everyday since and he's the one that initiates convo again i dont have to.. i dont know what the heck happend maybe he stopped talkin to me because he felt bad that he hadn't paid me back yet.. money isnt as important to me i guess i dont really care about getting it back i did it to be nice... o yea and he got a new phone he posted on facebook that he has no ones number to send him ur number in his inbox i didnt respond i was thinkin yea right he has my number and if he doesnt and he wants it he'll ask me.. well like a day or two later he texted me from his new number actin like he thought he already gave it to me haha...



  • brookenicole84,

    seems that old adage, let the man come to you, stop chasing and he will come to you is paying off for you. Good for you! 🙂


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