Boyfriend always gone and his best friend



  • I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 3 years now and he's been real great to me. He wasn't like this before though, he would get all caught up with his (constantly touring) band life and would be gone every 1-1.5 months and come home for a few weeks. Sometimes he would stay home a few weeks and start touring again, but sometimes they get to stay home for a period of 2-3 months for recording which is really nice considering how often I get to see him.

    As I've said, he wasn't great to me in the beginning, but I knew he was something great. He would talk to girls and he wouldn't do anything (I would hope...) to them but would still probably have them as rebound just in case. As time went by, of course we've had our ups and downs but we would always work them out one way or another. But all in all, we're so much better right now and it's gotten to that point where we see eye to eye and are really in love.

    Sometimes I would ask his best friend for advice, because they've known each other the best and for the longest. And lately I've been getting weird vibes from his best friend. His best friend has tried to hit on me before and asked me to sleep over while my boyfriend's gone but I've been good on my part and obviously didn't take any step futher.. nor am I interested in his best friend.

    Just the other week, my boyfriend drove me and himself around town and ended up picking up his best friend. His best friend's co-worker said hi to me and my boyfriend, but not his best friend.. his best friend only said hi and conversed with my boyfriend. But lately (months now, I brought it up to my boyfriend) I've been annoyed by his best friend. I feel that his best friend feels the need to always butt in and when my boyfriend doesnt want him to hang around, his best friend gets jealous.

    Do you think it's safe for me to have stayed with my boyfriend even though he's changed for the better? Will it last? And do you think I should just brush off the whole best-friend thing? There might be more to my story but its just to make things short. -- Thanks!



  • By the way, he isn't how he was then. He's a completely changed man and it's like a ton of bricks lifted off my chest.



  • I would recommend that you stay focussed on what the 'real' issues are, and not confuse things that are seemingly separate. Unless I'm misreading things, it sounds like you and your boyfriend are doing just fine and that the relationship has grown over time. There seems to be more mutual respect that has grown for one another which has led to further closeness and 'togetherness'.

    The issue seems to have little to do with your boyfriend. The issue appears to be with his best friend, and how he is not liking how much your relationship has changed, and how that has affected his best friend (your boyfriend). As well as how it's affected the relationship between hm and your boyfriend.

    That seems to be his problem, not yours. But it does affect you. I would recommend that you discuss this not with the 'best friend' but with your boyfriend. Don't make it an issue, so much as a discussion. Don't EVER suggest that he would have to choose between the two of you. That would only cause resentment and separation. But do tell your boyfriend how much you like the changes you have seen in him and how it makes you feel closer together. In that discussion, you can bring up how you've noticed the 'changes' in his best friend's behavior as well. Try to make this discussion a positive and sharing one. Do not try to accuse or make it negative. You may or may not want to tell him that the best friend has come on to you in his absense. That's up to you, as it may open up a whole other issue.

    But do be honest. Try to make the whole conversation positive though, by expressing how much you enjoy the increased closeness between the two of you. Express your concerns or observations about the changes in the best friends behavior, and ask his advice on how he thinks the three of you can become more comforatable with the relationships you all share.

    That is my advice anyway.



  • Hi, I've seen this before between "best friends." I wouldn't worry about it, nor would I tell your boyfriend unless something drastic happens. The best friend wants what your boyfriend has. And your right the best friend is a jealous person. The touring can be rough on relationships because of drinking, women etc. Just be careful and take care of yourself. I am involved w/a musician. He is a very gifted person. He plays only in church now. My ex-husband toured in a band. The drinking was terrible. Women will throw themselves at them. What ended our marriage was drinking. Not associated w/the band, but in general. Actually, if all that is in check, touring isn't that bad.



  • Yeah the problem affects me because it's my boyfriend's best friend and they've had a history of about 7 or 8 years. Things has definately changed between my boyfriend and his best friend, but I can assure anyone that reads this that I'm not stingy with my boyfriend. If my boyfriend wants to spend the night or weekend with me and not hang out with his friends, then he does but I have never told him not to hang with his friends before.

    It seems to me that the best friend wants what my boyfriend has. My boyfriend is a successful musician, and his best friend isnt.. he hops from band to band and doesn't give his 110%. My boyfriend has his license, and his best friend doesnt.. they've been driver's license free since 15 and the best friend is now 23, almost 24 years old. And about the whole girlfriend thing, the best friend is always telling my boyfriend how good he's got it. I help him stay in line with everything, I cook, etc. and I guess he's just jealous of what he doesn't have (?). Does that make sense? I don't want to be causing any confusion. I just think he's really jealous and gets butt hurt when my boyfriend doesn't want to hang or drink with him.

    Yeah, tour isn't so bad. I've gotten used to it and I've learned a lot about my relationship with my boyfriend. He just recently came back from a UK/Euro tour 🙂 Thanks for the advices you two. If there's more you'd like to add, I'll be more than happy to hear them.


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