WHY DID THIS REALLY HAPPEN?
My daughter (who is 17 in a few weeks) has decided to live with her father full time and visit me on weekends and during holidays. I've been given a few reasons for why sh e's done this, but wonder if I've been told the truth? Can anyone see what her real reasons for leaving are, or am I being a bit paranoid?
Also, I've been in a relationship with a really wonderful guy the last few months and wonder where that may be heading, and whether or not he has been part of the reason my daughter has chosen to leave.
Thanks for your insights! Hope all is well with y'all
It's not you, Cris. She just wants to get to know her dad better and have a paternal influence in her life at the moment as she struggles to understand the male species better. She also wants you to have time alone with your new friend.
cris1962, when my son was 13, he wanted to live with his father full time.
I sensed he was upset with me and was rebeling. I requested he finish his school year with me as I did not want to see him loose the grad. I told him if he still wanted to go at the end of June, then he could.
There was one stipulation. If he did go, I would bow out of his life as I did not want him to play games with the back and forth when he did not like what the rules were at his father's home.
Yes, it may seen cruel.
Some of my siblings played this game and it caused a lot of grief and hardship in the household for those of us who stayed with Dad.
At the end of the school year, my son came to me stating he wanted to stay with me. There was never another issue as he was given the choice knowing what the consequences may be. He always was given choices with what some of the consequences may be.
He was always allowed to visit with his father. His father past over about one year later.
I hope this helps some.
loving silver wings
You mentioned your daughter is 16 years of age, and turning 17 soon.
The 16 signifies a change in the foundation, structure, and way of living. You maybe right about not being told the whole truth. The 16 indicates keeping secrets, concealing feelings, feeling alone and misunderstood.
Would she gain from moving with her Dad? Her age will soon be 17.
The 17 says that one usually thinks of money and material comforts. Where the 17 lands it indicates more money coming in, being admired/babied more, and sometimes being inconsiderate of others feelings.
Create A Great Day!
Those are the exact reasons she gave for leaving, even though I sense she hasn't been entirely honest about her thoughts of my new relationship. We did argue a few weeks ago and she said she felt that I ignored her in preference to him - which was not the truth (he bows out and doesn't butt in between the two of us and has always been willing to stay away so we could have time on our own). Thanks for this ... I had worried that she felt left out and I was divided between wanting to be with her and him - a real balancing act! Ah well ...
You relate a similar story to a couple of friends of mine. She knows she can always come back, though where I'm located has had a bearing on her decision to leave as well (I live about 20 miles out of town). Thanks for sharing your situation with me ... it seems that it's the one who leaves the marriage who often ends up losing the kids or at least one of them. Hard, but necessary it seems! I don't want to get into a push-pull situation with her and I've decided to remain being who I am and HOW I am and continue my relationship on the basis it's been conducted since it began. We'll see how it pans out! Again, thanks for sharing this and it has been a huge help.
Very interesting insights you give here! Yes, her Dad is much better off financially and also his house (which was ours) is only a few years old, so I guess she'd much rather be in a place which is other than a ramshackle old farmhouse!! She tells me she likes my place better than her Dad's, but ... ? She has been very dismissive of me lately and I get the feeling she feels I deserve this. I can't change her mind and won't try, but have not closed the door on her even though this has hurt hugely. Mother's Day is a day I don't want to remember. And yes, her Dad will baby her a whole lot more than I do, as I'd sure done this in her younger years while he was serving in the Navy. Thanks very much for this; it does give me serious food for thought.
THANK YOU ALL! At risk of being a bit "greedy", I wonder if anyone can see where my relationship will go? I have a very hard time not being with him, though feel that I need space as well ... typical woman!!! Any thoughts? And I'll thank you all in advance for any you may share with me on this question or any further insights on my first query.
And by the way Captain, how are you? Been a while between drinks my friend ...
Cris, you can't expect your child to support your new man over her father. That is how she sees it at the moment. Yes, she will take a long time to be comfortable with anyone new in your life because all children until they mature want their parents to be together. Give her the space and time to get used to the new situation.
I've been very well, thanks Cris, many changes taking place.
And I feel you need to get to know this new man of yours a lot more before you can feel comfortable enough to let down your guard completely.
Yes, I was and am aware that it'd be difficult for her to accept this new man, though he (as I mentioned above) is not the sort to try and be "dad" and I sure don't expect her to look at him that way over her own. Funny though, her Dad had a relationship himself which lasted for about four months and right on the "eve" of them moving in together, he called it off. She'd got used to the whole idea of having a new sister - so to speak - and got on with his girlfriend quite well. So I wondered if the loss of that new situation, coupled with my existing one was too much for her! It's been an interesting time to say the least ...
Hoepfully the changes in your life are positive? Let me know
Yes the changes are very positive.
Thats good to hear.
I still feel like I'm holding back with this guy, and my daughter leaving has made me want to step back from him even more, although I don't know that this is the right thing to do for me. I feel I can trust him, but I worry I can't trust myself!! Very confusing, though I can't imagine my life without him in it now. As for my daughter; she accepted her father's relationship, but maybe mine has come at a time when she couldn't accept anymore changes, as such. I don't know ... am just guessing. Time will tell I suppose!
So do I take it to mean that your financial situation has improved, or your love life or both? Can't help it; I'm a sticky beak!!
PS: Am getting something about banking or accounting relating to you ...
Hmm, there's not a lot of banking being done at the moment as I am still fairly broke. But I am working through a lot of stuff and am sure I am headed for a bright future. Can you see anything about my chakras as I feel they are changing? Anything you can pick up about me is much appreciated, Chris.
And I do feel this new man will be good for you - he can help you open that heart and spirit of yours that has closed down a lot over the years.