Someone please help (desperate)
i used to post here awhile ago - been quite a journey since then with many ups and downs. i read for a few people back then and i do hope some kind soul will do the same for me right now as i am truly in a state of confusion and to be honest... i am on the brink at this moment.
i have been through a lot spiritually speaking the past few months. everytime i think i have a handle on what is going on, everything flips around on me. to be honest, i feel as though i am possessed, even though i never thought this was possible as i always felt myself to be pretty strong mentally. i've developed a twitch and sometimes growl.. and it isn't me. i've been moody in the past but never anything like this. it isn't me, and i don't know how to make it stop. i believe it reacts to underlying subconscious fear/anger/etc .. but when i try lately to be more meditative it reacts even stronger. i am at a loss... i don't know what method to turn to.
please please any guidance would help me a great deal...as i said, i feel as though i am on the brink.
thank you all
It's doing that to all of us. Your reaction seems a bit stronger than others, though. One thing is to keep it together and keep it light. It shall pass.
Only yesterday I came up with a thought/understanding that a lot of it is to re-route how we are getting our connection which means the old pathways no longer work. The new pathways are either not fully online or we don't recognize them as pathways yet.
White light protection still works though, have you tried it before your meditation?
Let me know, I would be glad to help you out further.
Thank you - yes i was aware of the same thing happening to some others. i have fear to overcome, that i know...i've been extending the light, but at times it doesn't work or seems to make it worse.. i think that's when i'm in my fear place..
thank you for your support - i also need to meditate more.. thank you so much for responding, it helps to know there are others out there in the same boat so to speak..i hear you about the new pathways, still trying to figure out how to stay on course.. how to balance without going back, if that makes any sense. i feel this split in me and i am not sure whether to go straight down the middle, make a circular curve or just stay in center.. or veer towards the new pathway. not sure if this makes any sense, but again, thank you for the input!
Believe it or not...it does make sense.
I know where you are. I had my bouts with fears several months ago thank goodness I got past that before this occlusion hit. And you are right, it is your fear holding back the white light but know this...it will always come to you. Your fear is telling you a story and blinding you to its presence. Know it comes when you ask. You are never cut off from the source! And tell your fears to take a hike on that one!
If you can manage it, please try (rather than the meditating) to journal. It's a way to circumvent the blockage to the meditation so to get at the root. Write about your fears, open ended and a constant stream of thoughts. Try through that method to get at what is behind your fears. If I don't know where to start, I read an I ching or a horoscope and just write about what that means to me or how it fits or doesn't fit me. Now or in the past. I will read Daily Om's (google them if you don't know what that is, they are great) and write out what it make you feel or how you can utilize that energy in your present situation. It is not an easy thing to go through (I know I was there) but you have to want to rid them from you. Get at the heart of it and decide you do not want them to rule your life anymore. In this way you TAKE BACK your life.
Do you know how an addiction fights a person to keep being feed?
That's how fears work as well. When you are closest to releasing them, that is when they fight back the hardest to stay. They pull out all the stops. To your fears, this is a life or death fight. So the question is...are you stronger than your fears? How much can you bring to bear from your end to fight them?
If someone has you cornered do you laydown and submit (give into your fears) or do you fight like the devil till there is nothing left?
Trust me, you will have plenty left over. Because the strength of the fear comes from you but is only a small part of the larger YOU!
Thank you so much for your kind reply I am working on it and feeling better. I tried a bit of writing last night and it helped. I'm going to push through this and come out stronger and healthier I know it!
You go for it. I'll be here if you need me!