Blmoon I need your wise advise
I hope you had a wonderful mothers day, I sure did. My oldest son Drew took me to 6 flags animal kingdom. The other 2 had to work, but Drew and I had so much fun. We fed a giraffe, rode on crazy rollercoasters, watched a whale show, walked through a shark tube, ate corn dogs, wow fun stuff..
For some reason during outr day he brought up his dad several times, and he never talks about him.
He said my mom told him the story of when she first met Ron, a story he didn't know. I was surprised she would talk about him.
I had been at his house with all his friends and there as a knock on the door, he opened the door and there was this unattractive women with far too little clthes on and she said she needed his help. He walked out with her without saying anything and his friends informed me that that was his x. I thought he was rude to do that so I got in my car (a 68 mustang) and left.
I went home, put on my bikinin and was laying in the backyard getting some sun when he knocked on the door and met my mom.
He cryed and said he loved me for the first time. He said she mean't nothing and I was everything. He then told me she was pregnant with his child and would I be there for him.
I cryed and said " I am sorry Ron, but I will never stand between a man and his child, you need to go to her, we can be friends.
2 weeks later we found out she was lying and he rushed to my house so I was the first to know. we were together after that.
drew then told me he thought Collen was gone and that I need to start talking to Ron if I was him back.
He says he is not sure just a feeling.
I told him I need Ron to come to me and he says that will never happen.
I said he doesn't call or come ever, and told me he belives you hate him and don't want him around so he stays away.
What do you think about all this, it really messes with my mind.
Ty has a game on Wednesday and Ron will be there because I usually work on Wednesdays, nut I am on vacation. Should I go? Should I tell him I am going, HELP PLEASE
WEll I sure hope you come back soon, I could really use your insite, but now he is coming to Fridays game instead of todays, so I have a few days to prepare.
WEll I hope all is great with you , I miss talking to you and getting your wise insight into my mess of a life.
He never did go to the last games and now baseball is over, Ty played his last ever hightschool varsity game last week.
I have been very depressed this last week or so, don't know why, but crying alot and finding life really hard right now.
Ty graduates in a couple of weeks and that makes me feel sad and old, he is my baby.
Wow I hope you decide to come back, I really miss you and was hoping, no not hoping I was sure you would want to be here when things finally turn around for me.
I have started having a really strong feeling that he is not happy, don't know why just seeps into my thoughts alot.
I have also reached a point that you told me about that I am pretty sure I won't let him back into my heart.
I saw an old friend at work the other day, hadn't seen him since I got married, he looked so glad to see me and asked for my number, but never called. I was happy and thought maybe we could be friends and hang out some.
May is almost over and I am still waiting for whatever it was that was going to help, hasn't yet, I am going backwards in my healing as I swear I feel his pain, or maybe he is happy and it is mine, who knows, but I bet you do.
I miss you friend. Be happy
Nanyeann, sorry I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I was as curious as you were as to where BImoon was and I asked one of our advisors here who told me that BImoon has decided to retire from the forum to devote more time to herself and family. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news; I love and miss her just as much.
Well I will keep writing and praying you come back. Things are getting harder again and I coulde use your wise advise.
Yesterday was Tylers baseball banquet and for the third year in a row he won the goden eagle award. That is the one that all the players and couches vote on to pick the player they would choose to represent them. I was so proud of him, but felt the void or Ron not being there with all the other dads just me.
Today is Drews 25th birthday, wow 25 years agao today I became a mom and he became a dad, and he didn't send a card or try to see him, just a text.
Next week Ty graduates and it all seems like so much to deal with alone.
May is over and I did have an old friend find me and ask for my number, but he never called.
Ron has been texting me the last couple of days about Drews birthday and ty, but I am ignoring him. He tried to call me today, but I didn't answer. He wants to know why I am mad at him,,
I see you came back, I have been praying you would talk to me please.
Well he tried to call me 3 days in a row. Has been texting me asking why I won't call him back and even called Drew to ask him why I am mad. I am taking your advise and letting him know he has lost me. I can't continue to be there when he needs me, I just can't.
No one under. stands
I don't think he misses me or the boys it is just Ty graduating and next week is fathersday and his birthday, so he is being selfish and wanting everyone to be there for him.
WEll I just got home from from Tys graduation, it was great he has so many friends and they all came over to hug me after. Ron was there with his dad and his wife and he come to were Drew and I were sitting to say hello. He looked horrible, so old, his hair is grey and he lookes miserable.
I on the other had looked pretty good, bought myself a new outfit and took care in getting ready.
It was so strange seeing him, it really is over, we won't be trying again and he feels it too I can tell, I don't know if you told me what you did to keep my spirits up or what, but he's not coming back and he is not sorry.
I miss you. I see you have been droppimg by , please talk to me.
I know I take up too much of your time and enery, but I really miss you. You have pulled me through the hardest times in my life. From the very first time I came here looking for answers I was blessed with you.
I hope you read my last few posts, but also wanted to ask a few questions.
I met up with Gabe, a friend from before I got married and he was so glad to see me and asked for my number..He said he was divorsed and said he wished we had made out years ago. I gave him my number and he never called. Why, it makes me feel like something is wrong with me.
Also at mTys graduation Ron tried to sit with me and I said no thanks, and after he came up and gently grabbed my arm and looked at me and I felt a tingle all the way to my heart. Why is that, why can't I stop loving him, I am trying so hard.
WEll I have been feeling strong, and good and everything has been going along right and now I am having some trouble.
WE will start with Ron of course, he is paying me less tan normal because he says he has his own money troubles now, with taxes ect... so that eill hurt.
Next I got a presciption for 50 oxycotins after my surgery and I don't take strong medicine so I put it away safetly, in my drawer with my bras so no one would find it.
I was told kids take these for fun and the bottle was worth $2000 on the street.
Last night Drew my oldest hurt his back really bad and couldn't sleep so I went to get him one and the bottle was gone.
Today I found the empty bottle in Trevors room.
Third today Ron is taking 2 of the boys golfing, but one had to work, so instead of waiting he is just going with 2.
It seems as if the more I stand up for myself the more people don't want to be around me.
I have followed your advise and got April to go away last year when she was taking too much of me, I stood up to my sister and now she hates me and won't even let me see my E.J (who means the world to me) I even told her I love her and I miss her, but she won't speak to me.
There is a lady at work who is a bit mean and goes from being nice and fun to yelling and treating everyone bad and last week she yelled at me in the store for no reason, so I stood up to her and calmly said " I am a grown women please do not yell at me or speak to me in that tone." Now she not only won't speak to me, but spews venom whenever she walks past me.
My kids are all greaat when I am doing whatever they need, but ask them to do something for me and all of them are jerks.
Drew has pushed it far enough that he will be moving out at the end of the month.
He wants to do things his way and never helps with anything, he makes as much as me and is supposed to help with money ,but usually takes a trip or buys himself something and says he is broke. If I am not miss happy perfect when he is here he give me grief about it and is alway just being mean.
I don't understand how he can be this way, but he is so muvh like his dad and says I need toget a life, but you know I still struggle. I could be happy if there was harmony in my home, but between him and trevor, there just isn't anymore.
Got a letter last week and again yesterday from the state about taxes Ron hasn't paid.
I think she does not see your posts,, and youre right she has been around the forums helping people here,, hope you get your answser soon,, HF
Wow things suck right now. I have had to deal with the taxes myself. I paid the taxes on the boat storage he ignored and now am dealing with both the irs and the state. I hate this.
He is being a total ass and says I am a drama Queen when really he had told me he took care of it all and he lied.
I do not understand why my divorce is taking so long to come through and until it does I get to play this game with him over money ect...
I am not sure I understand why you wont reply to me, but I fear you see something bad and don't want to tell me.
WEll today my sister in law Laura came in to my store. She was shocked to see me and said she didn't know I worked there.
I told her I have worked there for 5 years.
It was strange to see her, she didn't say anything about the 60 lbs I lost or that she feels bad or fu or anything, just acted embaressed to see me and left as soon as she could.
It mad me mad, has he told his familly AI did something wrong, because I got a SIMILAR REACTION FROM HIS DAD AND STEP MOM AT tYS GRADUATION. Sorry about the caps.
Did you see something bad happeneing to me and that is why you won't talk to me anymore?
if you have been through the posts you will see many people are feeling the past---in hyper speed--floods of busy dreams full of past faces---lots of energy and spirit visits---globaly we have a lot of fear and hysteria----everything is amped up the past 6 weeks and peaking. I loved that you shared mothers's day--I do remember feeling you would get a loving surprise and it would be eventfull. I don't get good vibes off your mother---not that she's bad or evil but toxic for you and she means well but undermines you. She is protective but not always right about what you need--and her perspective is different than yours--you two are very different people. I hope this deep "pleaser" thing you carry is not rooted in pleasing her. You will always be different. And you are more graciouse, loving, and forgiving than she--she is practical in a way that feels cold by your standards. Ron. I see he is right where expected--bottom--almost. I warned you he would scare you with his decline and tug at your rescue mode. As for the money stuff--I can't go there with you because I'm now fond of you and my emotions will peek through--all I can say is--that is you not protecting you--sill picking up responsability not yours. Same with the divorce thing---can't go there right now.I do see the green light on Ron--your opportunity to offer him healing. By now you are no longer just wondering if he has a mental illness--you believe it--recognize it. He has hidden his illness behind you. You let him not be accountable--like him saying why are you mad at him? Really? That is crazy and enought to make your head spin and crumble you weak. It sounds crazy because it is--it is delusional and he is ill and out of control. When he asks you when will you talk to him? Your answer is --have you made that appointment yet with a psychiatrist for your problem. When he says what problem? You say that's what you should be asking your doctor and make it clear you are done dealing with him. That yes you love him but the relationship as it stands is not healthy for you and you've been loyal beyound reason and you are done. Do not argue with him--you can not argue with mental illness. If he is friendly and visiting with the kids you can be friendly but the moment he trys to push you into assuming that past role as his place he can hide his illness behind you must hit him again with---have you made that appointment with a psychiatist yet? Not counselour but a psychiatrist. Mental illness is hereditary. Drug abuse is often the sign. I think your son sold your pills. He needs to know you are smart about your options if you ever find out he is having a problem. Those particular pills are more addicting than heroin--and too easy to get from any--pill mill--pain clinic. The law watches over monthly refills so when they lose their punch and the person runs out befor the legal 30 days then that person hits the streets and that's one expensive habit so keep an eye open. It can start innocently with a few pills and that takes over. Also, there is a chance your son has inherited his fathers illness so not to freak you out but to keep you educated and aware and ready if he does need you to help him.They are so addicting that's why they bring so much money. Be very familiar with legal system in your state for dealing with a family member who is in danger of abusing drugs. In Florida it's called the Marchman act. I'm not saying you should freak or think you need to but your son needs to know you will intervene. It will put him under court order without branding him a criminal. It's about beefing up your manly side Nancy --the protector with firm boundries--this theme underlines all your challenges. You have come a long way----As long as you avoid exhaustion--people who make you feel bad and nurture self you will keep moving forward. Things are always going to go wrong---there will be bad days but as always--repeat--this too shall pass! You just handle it as it comes--stay out of the past--avoid guessing the future--put your strength in the moment. BLESSINGS!
Dear Saint Michael please stand behind Nancy with your sword ready to protect her big big heart. She has been through the darkest of hours--she has been brave when it was easier to lay down and give up--she has traveled this scary time with no map--just a deep faith that her courage and will to keep moving forward would serve her in just reward and the universe will back her up---she deserves to succeed. Put your hand on her shoulder and let her feel she is safe and never alone.
And dear Angels--specially Rapheal--the great healer--please stay close as she completes this great healing that started so long ago that has her feeling weary and impatient at times. Let her know that she is close--really close to becoming whole--in love with herself! Her arms are open to receice! Thank you--Amen.