Do I finally give up on this marrage?



  • Well here I am about 3 or 4 months from the last delemma in my life. I decided to work on my marrage with counceling and the whole nine yards. I have not seen or hear from "my friend" the other man and I am totally over him! My husband has not done one thing we had agreed on.....me on the other hand have done everything in my power to fix all the problems in my life. My husband is still a uses drugs, we once again for the 5th time since we have been married, (11 years) are going to court for an eviction, he is running our buissness into the ground and stealing checks out of MY purse to write when we don't even have the money. Not to mention he got served by a check cashing place because a customer canceled her check. I am so tired of looking bad because of him. I do love him but it is driving me nutts in the process and now I am beginning to think when I left him 3 or 4 months ago I should have continued to stay away!! I feel like I am trying and he is not. Should I keep trying to fix this marraige or finally call it quits!!

    P.S. How do I change my nick name from futuremj to something else? I no longer want anything to do with the other man and I used his stupid initials! LOL Someone let me know if you know please?



  • Hi, Well, you friend moved on. If your husband is involved in criminal behavior it's time to move on. I know you've tried but your being a party to this by staying.



  • Anyone who has an addiction, can not put a relationship first, the addiction comes first. Love is never enough and you already know the answer. And why would you want to be with a man who steals? You need to love yourself now, enough to see the truth. You can't change him, but you can change your own self destruction by staying with this man



  • You will know when the marriage is over when you really realize you deserve better out of a realionship then what your marriage is doing for you. I left my X 11 months and 1 week ago after over 32 years together. I stayed becasue I was waiting until on my youngest son was grown and off to college. I reget it to this day. I should have lefted while our son was young so he would not have heard and seen the things he did. Now since I have left they fight all the time. I can't get my son to leave the city he is in because of college and his work and friends. Please know if you have not changed the man u have been with for this long ( for the better) then you never will. Thats just life and its a hard leason but it goes that way sometimes. Please never underestimate yourself and never take less then what your pride will allow. You have to be patient and the right guy will come alone, but it takes a while. I have not meet anyone yet who I feel I would even want to date. I will know even if it takes two years the person I want to have as good company and a good friend and have great times together first then maybe if it works a great relationship with him. But be patient and never sell yourself short in your mind. The right guy will come alone. Well I have stated enough here and just had to state my opinion in this. Did not mean to offend in anyway just stating what my past life has taught me.

    Sincerely,

    turtledove in NC



  • Go back to where you were without him...Dump him! It's his timming to go for help or drown..Don't drown with him..Your future is diferent than his...



  • Thank you all for your opinions!! I think deep down I do know what to do. This all just sucks for me because I married him so young and now I never did the things I should have to reach personal independece. Never went to school....have no job....and no licence ...well that one I'm working on I got my permitt a week ago. I have this list of goals I need to accomplish and I don't think I can leave unless I do them. My husband on the other hand keeps begging me to give him one more chance.......but how many can I give him? The same patterns keep repeating itself. I realy think it's driving me crazy. I do have a sort of job.....for him....and he don't seem to want to pay me....just buys me what I need. I beginning to think he has me where he wants me.....and I feel trapped. Can't move on if I can't support myself let alone 2 girls who are closer to him then me because I had been a depression so long!! Hell my oldest girl hates me because I had cheated on her dad to begin with!! Everytime I vent to this one girlfriend I have ...She listens in some how and tells him everything I say.



  • Sweetheart people with continue to DO what works. So far him begging for another chance has worked for how many years? You stay because you are unsure, because you don't know anything else and a half a dozen other possibilities. Look at yourself find your value (which appears to be great) Know that you are worth more than the mistreatment he has handed you. You already know that, you are probably (somewhere deep inside) to comfortable with a relationship that you have known all your adult life. You need to acknowledge that his actions make your uncomfortable (done) and move on!!! You, as others have said, will find some one to make a better life with. This time perhaps you will consult the stars, with a clear head.



  • Oh and take your venting to a priest,or a mountain. They will keep it to themselves, everyone has an agenda. Make yours you and your family. Go to social sevices and seek help. Or a womans shelter. Get out before he drags you down, cause a drownding person doesn't care who they kill. Wife, mother, children they are just stepping stones. and don't get suckered into staying if he goes NarcAnnon. You have your children to consider. I'll get off of here now. Speak ing from the heart and experience.



  • the person you need by your side, that can give u all the love u need is yourself, you need to find the will to continue ahead, surround yourself with people that really care about you, friends and family, make more friends, determine yourself, to be happy, the other girls, have spoken loud and clear, with no sugar coated thruths, live every second as if was your last one, to its fullest, one day, none of the nightmare u are going through at this moment, will be forgotten by u, time heals all wounds, get a good tarot reading and follow that advice card to its fullest, wishing u well!



  • I am helping a friend get out of her situation similar to yours. She thought she was stuck where she is but I told her, WHERE THERE IS A WILL, THERE IS A WAY. I suggest talking with someone like a financial advisor or counselor to help you see what steps you need to take to get out of your situation and to assess exactly where you are financially with him. I know no one wants to accept a hand out but check your state office if you can get on some financial assistance for the girls until you get on your feet. I tell people, that these programs are for people who need some temporary help. If you cannot afford an attorney for the divorce your state my have free legal assistance programs. I work in the field of substance abuse and I see it time and time again that people with addictions cannot be trusted, and as the person above wrote that the addiction comes first. Get your life together and then another relationship will come in when you are ready and when you don't have this hanging around to muddy the waters.



  • What to say....what to say!! Well today was anouther battle with the soon to be ex-hubby!! Finally got to enjoy some time with my family at a baby shower and once again I get the phone call from the police station from him.......he got arrested again for some warrent they had on him. So glad my girls were with their grandpa!! I feel guilty but I left him there to figure it out for himself!! I wish there was a way to release the stressfull energy from me!! I could not stop my shakes all week and have had the sweats!! I just want to finally be at peace....not in a bad way but this man is driving me batty. I know some of you gave me your kind advise some few months back.....and I apperciate it!! I feel like I'm living my own true "day's of our lives" Just dont know where to start!!



  • HI,

    i went through a similar situation. Don't see it as giving up on your marriage, but as having outgrown it!. You are ready for better things and it couldn't not have been healthy for your girls.


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