Am I going to fail in life?
I feel trapped & very lost & confused. Im in complete shock with how I ended up on this path. I thought at first it was the right decision but now I feel lost & very depressed. I expected different things. A lot of changes in my life have led me to this very point in my life & Im very lost to the point of being suicidal.
I am 28 years old. Im lost & Im very scared. Im involved with someone who doesnt give me the attention I want and he doesnt want a relationship but clearly I believe all my actions led him to feel that. He is 10 years older then me probably more settled He has a baby & honestly I dont want a child in my life right now, he worries me with her. At the same time I feel very relieved with idea that he doesnt want me but then again I do not want to let him go. A year and a half ago I was reunited with an old friend who always popped back up into my life. My life was going through a lot of chaos & I felt pushed to be with him when I didnt feel ready or know if I even wanted to. I cut it off in a very rude way & have never been able to come to peace with it.
I went through terrible abuse a year ago with my family & this guy Im with doesnt know that but I refuse to let him know also.
I have attached everything personal & sacred to me to that guy I let go to the point that I have completely removed myself from my goals in life & any other path other then this guy Im currently interested in.
I dont want to be with that guy. I had so many people surrounding me at that time in my life I felt my decisons were clouded by my circumstances.
My entire world feels like its just swimming in circles. I dont want to hurt this guy im with right now & I dont know how to get other guy out of my head. There are things I wish I had done with guy Im with like appreciated certain times with him but so much in my life was going on. Instead of ever saying anything all he did was look sad.
I have bothered him to the point that he thinks Im crazy & just making me feel crazy makes me feel worse. I have no idea what the hell Im doing at this point in my life. Every Friday & Saturday night I have to spend at home cause hes got his kid & I the last thing I want to do is find someone else but Im extremely tempted to do it. He says he doesnt care if I do & to go away. He says to me I made things the way they are. I apologized for my actions.
I use to be so focused on my goals but I was getting tired of the same thing the same way so I did different things. I lost everything. My car died my job might not be so bad but my family was very hard on me for it & I was completely depressed about it. He didnt make me feel any better through the situation either. He got himself involved & we were great & then he just made me feel humiliated.. Maybe he thought I would use him.
He asks me why I want him so bad. What is so special about him.
Could someone give me a reading?
You have chosen to live with a man that has a child to raise and does not need another one to look after, you state that you can not stay focused and reach any goals. Ask yourself if you are not looking for the easy way out and find that it only leads you to discover that it could not be any harder than trying to please your parents in what they thought you capable of. going through abuse should really be a wake up call for you as to how you look at yourself and what you think you deserve in life. Life is hard for everyone at this point and time, making all of us reach out more for help. However, the help you seek must also be on a positive level or you will remain in the situatipn you are now in. My personal advice is to get back to a goal that you had when you were eighteen years old. Move step by step towards it and achive it on your own because it will help you to love yourself to the point where no one would abuse you only respect you for your inner and outer strength. You need to work on your inner self and rebuild your core of emotions and even your physical body. Therefore bringing you into balance and moving you forward in the right direction.
Please keep in touch here are this borard and let us all know how you are proceeding.
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sounds like you have a few hard decisions to make if you want to get back on your path, but don't worry, every door you close leads to another one opening. That is not psychic advice that is just me telling you. The guy says he does not want you around, well get out then, what are you waiting for? Life is so short, why waste it doing things you know are wrong?
Now why can't I listen to my own advice LOL.
Good luck and like Shuabby says keep us up to date about how you get on.
Hey thanks for the reading and advice. I had totally forgotten about this post.