I don't know who I am noe



  • I'm sick off forgive and forget , I'm a strong person I know what I want in life but I can easily distracted by all the people that I thought care and concern about me. But the truth was they only wanted me to get down on my knee. I always wanted to be the driver of my life but sometimes people's surrounds me manipulating and pushing me to the limit. I have mo right to say intend I have to listen other wise I'm the bad one. I sometimes tried best to dance in their on tune. All of a sudden I'm on the wrong step. I'm totally emotional drain and nearly telling get the gun and shoote on my head I was died since then I want you to kill my emotions and never come back to me anymore I'm so sick and getting lost now far out what else did you want me to do ..



  • Dear annielan

    You are in a transitional period of life meaning you are finding out who you are and what you are made of though how other people in your life are treating you. When you give and give and than forget about you, which is what I'm receiving here for you than what happens is you have an inner awakeing which at times is very hard to deal with emotionally because you have not had a total awareness of you and what you want and how you want to be treated. Now you are being awaken by those around you to grow up and get stronger and stand up and find just what it is you want from life.

    The harder that life is for some the closer you become to God in asking his help in your life.

    Not to many people that I have read for over the years have a wonderful happy life, because we are all here in what I call earth school. Some of us have a deeper challange to face and overcome such as sexual abuse, mental abuse or both. For those that do have such defeats to overcome the movement is slow and deliverate, the lesson hard. What you do have to look forward to is that you can call upon God the father and your angels for help and believe me they will send help in the form in which they choose. Forgiving someone that has wounded you on a soul level is hard to do and some can not and should not attemp to do so, only resoluction is to give that person to God and tell him you can not forgive them but he can and that you ask that you have his white light of protection around you if you must be around a non-loving person. Honey the world is full of people that do not care, so you must learn now to handle these type of people so that you can adchive the happiness you are longing for and deserve.

    Suicide is really admitting that you are not strong enough and do not have enough faith within yourself or in God to believe that there is a reason for everything that happens in your life. The light of God always overpowers the darkness you may encounter or have to endure. Believe that there are good people, loving people and they will find their way to you to help you.

    God Bless You and Keep You

    Shuabby



  • Shuabby , thank you so much, I really hate myself and I tried to forgive myself but I don't really know what's happening to me know. I just came home and I went to the my doctor I'm having blood disorder or we call it anemia and it will turn to leukemia. I need to have blood transfusion but I am a bit weak and worried that I couldn't drive back home. I have to reschedule for tomorrow. I am not surprise cos I had no much sleep since last week. I couldn't even bother to eat and now I need to be alert cos I'm having sign now I keep vomitting every time I'm eating . I'm kinda scared everytime, I look at my skin and see all the blueviolet it makes me upset. I was okey last night. I'd tried my best to go out cos my mates just arrived from overseas. Everyone was shocked cos I have lost so much weight . I was torturing myself for those people who couldn't care that they badly hurt me. Im having death threats to from this Cancer man that I used to go out . He wanted me to leave him alone and all I want is assurance that he wouldn't come out and making fun of me. Though I know he has no reason or proof for his dirty talk about me but the way his yelling and shouting over the phone was total makes me scared. Everytime I'm going for work I am getting paranoid I sometimes driving and if someone staring at me get melted and acting strange. I never thought even my work mate observing me tha I'm getting down rigth .I felt bad cos it's kinda busy but I could bring myself at work with my proper mind. He said to me that he wi file harassment against me that's a lied for sure cos I have everything and when I send to his voice mail everything he couldn't care to messaging me but I was given a warning that I don't need to message him till12 noon cos the corporate will tapping everything . I am getting down to his action for him to manipulate his wrong doing against me . I was asked yesterday to drop everything about him and I am willing but I need assurance but the only thing he will answered to me was let it go idiot I'm a damn bitch , calling names, nasty word and even my family and friends that he never had interest to know having threats . I know he can't do it but lately his action was getting down right his happy that I'm struggling to please him that I done nothing wrong his the one doing a shit over me. And when someone sending my videos and pictures with my exes and friends started erupted his ego . I already want him to at least give me comfort that we dont need to communicate at first I'm asking him to show me his copy and he couldn't even bother to show up personally instead saying that he might kill me so I rather not asking him . That is fine for me but atleast emailor voice mail. But he never get back to me now . I can fight back on him and I can easily terminate him on his job but I'm not capable to that to him. I'm not a fighter and I don't like arguing I know that I can beat him on the court. I figure out now that his getting jealous of everything he told me that he hates me talking about my family or about money, that I'm ugly , mole , monkey, and I'm fatty idiot humiliated words . I honest tried to comfort him cause I felt sorry fir hinge doesn't know what his doing to his self .I'm over to deal with them for some reason I had two girl friend same sign cancer the other one was my best friend before but not anymore cos I cut her for being user and lied to much talking shit behind my back and untill now she couldnt even bother to say sorry. I done nothing to her instead giving my everything she getting bad when everytime attending party I had good comments cos I hardly get dress and put make up on my face and hated high heels, she was talking shit to people after giving me compliments. I happen lots of time till she over the limit . I slap everything to her face cos awhile im trying to talk to her she was weird and started swearing on me. That's so foul and she put her self down she was out of my circle of friends trying to hang around while I'm not around but she couldnt stay longer and having another issue with my other best friend were actually 3 close but she was totally envious and a jealous person proven for so many times . And the sister of my BFF was the same cancer and upset with me cos my best friend asking me to talk to her that she can only stayed with their place for 2 to 3 weeks can't stay long cos they want privacy with his partner and this two was closed but her sister ever since had a jealous factor over him. She had no work financial broke and couldn't even pay off her rent and bills which where surprised cos she was sold her property . Eversince this two had problem to their financial stability and most of the time I was there for them to support. Apparently I was caugth in the middle she was rude and she always like that. I was questioning why I have to talk to her like that how bout my BFF . Which my best BFF had a strange feeling thatbit kinda awkward for him cos he knows his attitude and it's been a month till now she never bother to talk to my BFF and to us which I tried my best to go down again and again to their level but I cant really understand them. I find them so jealous and envious especially material things. I'm thinking you they can have it but they need to work hard and aim high to have what they want. I cut myself two them cos I can leave my life without them I never once asking favor I do may be sometimes but that is not one half nor one forth of their damage to me all the time. I am not trying to be mean a d calculate what I can give but the funny thing was they are to jealous full of talk but can see nothing. Oh my god I can leave my life alone than having unfairly threat. I'm so double tripple murder to this kind of people that untill know still owing me money . But I couldn't care cis it's just salavi or I have to list in a water thak you girl always far out no more anything .I know need to know how to say no .



  • I will meditate later cos I really needed the gift of peace and wisdom . To get out of this darkness shields all over me. I just really wanted to clean my everything. I will lift then up to our father up above while my angels will sing later to comfort me. My eyes was totally tired and sore am begging me to please give me some rest . But I have to go and get out again to by some medicine to the chemist. I had no one here. My relative was an hour drive from me and I couldn't bother to tell my family that I'm so down that I used to share it with my mum but I know myself I really can't control my emotion . I will make her worried and felt bad cos since last December I am dealing with this guy. And I can see the reaction of my mum when she read his message she waa worried and wanted to do some action even my sister though were having miscommunication she was tempted to ring him back but I have to stopped them cos I know he will gonna be upset . Shuabby when I meet this man my heart touch by him. He doesn't know his dad and he meet his dad for only a few hrs. And I can feel his anger that he still keeping it with him. My mum and sister used to ring me or chatting some times and I can see that he was the one excited everything he said was opposite of me. And he knows that I have my soft sides and my weakness his using against me . I know know that his thinking over his bad doing over me. He once told me that I'm to intense and I said to him that I am and I'm very passionate in everything I wanted to do and it cos me a lot of pain if someone playing my emotion and can't finished my own project from them.



  • Hey Annie, I told you not to worry so much. You're clearly thinking about him again. Breathe and move on. You've said it yourself, that you're a strong person. So you know who you are? A strong person. A strong person will not keep thinking about some loser so you should forget him because that is the best revenge you can have.



  • Hi! Nessa , I just woke up , thanks to u my dear I'll be fine kissses



  • Annielan,

    I just sent out prayer for your healing to our Father in Heaven. Please believe that he loves you and will heal you. Look for good people to be sent to you to aid you now.

    Shuabby



  • Thanks so much Shuabby , I have so much on my plate and I really need to shut my mind now all I want to do is to lift this up to him. I wasn't feel alright and I will be better soon. I need to had a white shield from all of the need surround me. I really don't need negative . Blessings



  • This post is deleted!

Log in to reply