Cancer Men are SIMPLE
I've read a multitude of post on the difficulties women have in relating to cancerian men. I'm in the mood to elucidate the issue. At least as far as I'm concerned, there are three scenarios. 1) For whatever reason, I'm sure that there will never be anything between us. In this case, I will be nice, but any advances made will be thwarted and the fact that I'm doing so will be obvious. 2) I'm unsure of whether I could be into you or not. This is where the games come into play. When you text/call and I don't respond, it really is because I'm busy and I simply don't care to make time, or I do not want to indulge what I percieve to be neediness and lead you to believe something exists which does not. The reason you feel such a strong connection to me when we're together is because that is how I connect to people and I have an instinctual urge to be tender with people and not bruise their ego or hurt their feelings. Flirting is fun and harmless and so that is what we do. This is not a hopeless position to be in. Afterall, it is rare that you find someone that you have a carnal instinctual desire for. You can work your way into my heart, but you have to do it the right way. The best way to find out if he really wants you is to make yourself unavailable and see his response. If he realizes he actually does like you and that he wants you in his life he'll come running. Neediness and compulsive behavior is a huge turn off. The irony is that this is exactly how we behave when we have found something we can't let go of. This behavior is exhibited to some extent by all people, so I'm not sure why we get such a bad name for it. Maybe it's just that we're better at it. 3) I know instantly that you are the object of my desire. I'm all in, and I will not be coy, and I'll let you know. You will be showered with affection. Some typical games will be played to ensure that there is a give and take in the relationship, but it is definitely not the same.
Hi! I was totally upset for the past few months and in grief but after I realized why would I push myself to some never listen to me . I now realized what he said was true it's just fun and nothing more than that. I am not a player but I do admit that I always caught the attention of my opposite .I am a simple person but I had certain issues that already settle.The funny thing was I am trying to keep our agreement and now I am the one hurtful. Anyways I am all good and I just came home and felt great that I can smile and talk with people and I will never go back from where I am . I had so much and I can't really communicate to him never again.
I am getting a sense of mirrors here. That you are only seeing what you want to see and that in your view that's perfectly fine.
Don't get me wrong, I can understand your need to be on the defensive here, the Cancerian reputation is getting dragged through too much mud and there is a definite air of "blame it all on the Cancer guy". The truth of course is much bigger than that.
But flirting is only fun and harmless when nobody gets hurt. Very rarely does that happen. Same too with your almost nonchalant approach to playing games. Games imply a competition, which in turn means there will be a winner and a loser. And since none of us want to be the loser, we tend to resort to bending the rules and doing other things to ensure we win.
Only when the game is fair on all participants, will the result be harmless. Why play games at all? Why not just communicate directly how you feel?
PisceanHealer: I agree with what you said.
PH, I really don't understand the word flirting I know the meaning but never exist to me never once in my life. I was contented and leaving a healthy life style,I had a few relationship before long and short but I can manage them smoothly and in fact keep them as very good friend, I knew my attitude I will cut them easily if they wanted me to go over the line if I said it doesn't work they need to understand and keep our moments as friend but I never put an end in to my mind if I feel somethings changes and I might feel the magic again, apparently atm I really feel and see myself with anyone else. This man the I used to go out had never once appreciated me nor abusing, manipulating, and stolen my identity, I lost myself respect and my values I am not a bad person and I am not able to destroy and one or someone but in my experience to him it will never makes me back again on this situation I was tricky and twisted.Now I am back to life and will start a new beginning with flying colors.
I don't initiate flirting unless I'm somewhat interested. When someone is being playful with you, you be playful back or you come off as cold. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If I can tell someone is reading in to flirting more than what it is, and I know I'm not interested, I always put an immediate end to it. If I am unsure of my level of interest, then I feel the person out. Generally my behavior is a reflection of yours. If you smother me, I rebel against it unless I want to be smothered by you. So games aren't played merely for the sake of playing them. Generally, they are in response to the currents and tides surrounding me. If I am aloof, it is not to prove a point, or to play with someones emotions. It's probably that I don't feel the same way about them as they do about me, so I am honestly not thinking about them or am simply busy. The surest way to drive me away is to try and force me into a cage that I do not want to be in. You can't force someone to feel the same way about you as you do them. You are better off luring them to where you want them to be. Tempting them to come to you. Often, this requires being somewhat aloof yourself so that they realize exactly what they are missing from their lifes. It's just the dance of courtship that is played.
Hello! Are you alright mate .. You really don't know what you talking about and obviously your so arrogant. If I'm not mistaken this is the second you doing this to me. Let me tell you this you had no idea what I've been through to this guy. And I will not giving up myself or trust to anyone that I don't have feelings . I'm emotional and very vocal and I have no lack in any action to make him feel how I felt for him. It's just happen I'm so soft and he treated me like a door mat. He just said to me to leave him alone and fine for me !! But to find out that he will put me in a deep shit and I'm talking about my life I don't think it's a good idea . If he could listen to me and read my mind and the way I care about him it wouldn't be happen. So before saying that I'm damn I must say your not the one accepting death threats and people matters to me that had no idea giving the same action. For no reason I'm just asking for explanation and at least comfort to say sorry. I will not go lower than what he did to me I must say enough is enough if you just don't care I will let you now that your deleted to my life cos I never once felt respected by this man. Im used and abused that it!!! And for your info and guidance no matter I'm a lady I always deserved respect mind you he didnt meet me off the street. And I guess he had idea where I came from . I'm not bad to be here. But I was felt bad on your action here I can see him in you . I'm a loving person I hate argue but if someone over stepping cos I can back it up. I will cut his torturing attitude I have nothing to him but to let go.
If you're talking to me, I have no idea what you're talking about. I posted this thread to lend some insight to the behavior that so many people find deplorable. As far as being arrogant, I've been accused as much, but I didn't mention you and am not sure why you popped up on this thread to attack me. I'm sorry that you were treated poorly by someone. I'm sure you don't deserve it. The best way to help yourself is to not let them treat you poorly. I know that can be very difficult, but it's what must be done. If you were referring to someone else, then nevermind all that was just said with the exception that you shouldn't let people treat you poorly.
This post is deleted!
My sincere apology to you, I wasn't mean to hurt your feelings. I was carried away of my emotion I was feeling great after having night out with few friends. But every time I'm staying home . I can feel my emptiness . I was getting paranoid and a bit down right my emotion is so intense. I was totally wrecked. And I hated myself to trust people doesn't really and care how they can touch my heart and stabbed me at my back and murdering me for I had no idea . I rather live my life alone than treated me unfairly . Now I want him to let me go he never answering my msg or call . To delete everything . I'm the one having deaths with friends and family the funny thing his the one gonna file a case against me. I'm not stupid that I can back it up . Bug this bad guy asking me to drop everything and let go and mo contact . I just want comfort and explanation simple. And never pick up phone nor answering messages and when I send him his voice mail and record of conversation that his abusing and torturing me and even friends and family he will want to attack . That is totally unfair on my side . Freaking bad one and get jealous for no reason . He never think and I was the one who harassing him oh dear . Far out I told him to where I am do he can hit the bullet on my head to make him satisfied.
I agree with doeyeyedpisces; you are essentially justifying behaviour in which one person usually gets hurt by this so called courtship dance of yours. The fact that there are women pouring their hearts out on a public forum speak to that fact.
Again, I appreciate your input, and I can see where you are coming from. You seem to be a mature enough guy to realise how far to go and what is right and wrong, but I daresay you're not seeing the whole picture here. Cancer men - just like all other men (and women) are far from simple.
Hello everyone, if I may jump in here for a moment
I think that you're being a bit hard on crazyCrustacean:( His attempts at this post seemed genuine and sincere to me. He seems to be doing nothing more than attempting to explain, make somewhat clear, in as simple a manner as possible, essentially, what "drum-beat" that Cancerians 'dance' to; and I dare to say that they do so innately and not always necessarily consciously to be devious, conniving and hurtful as is so easily accepted by many of their behaviors. I agree, that Cancer men/women can be challenging in some regards, but the fact of the matter is, EVERY sign has it's idiosyncrasies that can be scrutinized to some extent and picked apart as being "right/wrong" for whoever is making the judgment at that time.
A lot of what Cancers do is not consciously intentional to do harm, but instinctual to protect their intensely soft/sensitive innards. We just happen to have a huge problem with the way 'they' go about doing this, but we ALL have some method for protecting ourselves, we just don't like the way Cancers do it. So we label them as deceptive, insensitive game-players and more. It's not fair honestly; because there are "bad apples" in every bunch, just being frank and honest.
Bottom line is we ALL (all signs) have an "inner" drum-beat that they are "wired" to "dance" to by virtue of their birth as a time when the planets/stars were aligned as they were when we were born. None of us should be considered, "bad" because of that. We can't help that; we didnt ask to be born into the sign that we were, but we must learn to navigate in a world that consist of all different types of people dancing to their own "inner drum beat" or 'wiring' and learn to live together as a result.
Yes there are Cancers that have a less than desirable way of handling relationships, but there are MANY who do not. But then can't we make the EXACT same statement about EVERY zodiac sign??? Dealing with Cancers requires and extreme amount of PATIENCE, but then patience is required in any relationship to some extent and at one time or another. But one thing is certain, if you can endure the courtship with a Cancer and get past all of the quote unquote "initiation" activity, for lack of a better word, in the long run they can be WELL worth all the effort it took to get you there, by far!!!! But then again, this too can be said about some other sign. It's all relative y'all. A matter of perspective.
My main point is this, yes some things that we do, or don't do as individuals (signs) is "conscious" or "at will", but then there are a multitude of things/behaviors that we exhibit/portray "unconsciously" or "instinctual/innately" .
It takes two in a relationship, to succeed or not! It's not always the Cancer to blame in the demise, when they're one of the parties engaged in the relationship, anymore than it can always be blamed on the Pisces or the Aries or the Sagittarius or the Scorpio and so on.
One this is certain about Cancer though, I can say from experience, and again this could apply to ANY sign; but is definitely so for them, they will very quickly cause an individual to reveal or recognize about themselves what 'emotional addictions' that they possess. Which is a very big part of the problem in many relationships, we have emotion-based addictions/demands/expectation that we expect others to fulfill in a certain way that we've grown accustomed to and when they do not, we have a melt-down and we blame them for destroying our happiness, our joy or whatever; when in all fairness, it was never their responsibility in the first place, to make the other person happy. If we could turn our 'emotional' addictions around so they become 'preferences' instead, we'd be so much more content, at peace within and likely experience much more peace/harmony in ALL of our relationships, not just the romantic ones.
We must all look "inside" ourselves for the answers to our dilemma because that truly is the place to find the answers and not "outside". As long as whether or not we're happy or content in a relationship is based upon how someone else behaves or doesnt behave, we will always be unhappy or stressed out or feel separate from others. That is just one roller-coaster ride that will NEVER END! We ourselves hold the key though, for whether we ride or not. Internal peace!
Light, Love and much Respect to all,
Thanks TT. You make some very excellent points. My intent is not to be hard on anyone, but in this regard it was to "paint" a broader picture as I felt that we were just swinging from one extreme to another.
I feel you PisceanHealer!
In SHORT what is said here is:
EACH gender, EACH sunsign regardles of which has its bad apples.
What he is TRYING to say is simple and that is, just bc u had a bad experience with one bad apple, do NOT assume or think all the rest of the same apples are just as bad.
I use this analogy bc an apple farmed aint throwing away a whole barrel of good apples only if a few has gone sour.
he simply states sure there r eff holes among this sign n gender BUT not all of us is. Further as he stated the sign has taken a beating often on here.
if u search cancer men HOLY MOLY the threads ALONE fills a whole warehouse as opposed to other male sunsigns.
I agree with him, cancer men are simple, eff men are simple. its us woman who are dang complicated. we dont like to b so we say men r bc its the easy way out.
nope, i agree, men r simple. women r complex, period.
Should I be taking offence at that statement? LMAO!
Hmmm, I might if I were you PisceanHealer,LOL! Just kidding : ) Well said, CWB!! Liking the 'apple' analogy
TheTransformed: Wow I Think you really nailed it with your comment. And thank you for that! Cancer's are very simple yet complicated. It's a strange enigma. We have a tendency to over-think everything and we often guard our hearts with incredible force, and as a result we can seem over-emotional and cold, but I think many of us are just terrified of being hurt. This of course is not always the case for all Cancers. I myself have major self-esteem issues that I am trying to deal with and those issues have caused me to do a lot of selfish "escapist" things. I am not proud of this at all. We humans put way to much emphasis on relationships making us happy, I am extremely guilty of this, and that is a huge part of the problem. Since I struggle with lots of negative thoughts about my abilities and self worth, I often look outside myself for ways to escape (often resulting in doing things that I regret) or people who will make me feel secure, and this is all wrong. I have read that many Cancer's have self-esteem/confidence issues and while I believe it may be more difficult for Cancer's to feel confident and secure in themselves, I know that it is not strictly a Cancer issue. I am trying hard to work on my self-esteem/self-worth issues because I know now that no women or person can fix me. I know that I must learn to be comfortable in my own shell which is proving to be more of a challenge than I ever anticipated.
When I am with a women who loves me I am on cloud 9. She becomes my escape. I can take the focus off the person I'm not fond of, myself, and focus on making her happy. This is all wrong. Well not all wrong, but you get the point. If I can't be happy and secure in who I am I cannot be the person she wants me to be. My ex figured that out and she made the choice to not support me. It was her decision and I respect that, it is not her job to help me figure out why I have such self-esteem issues, but it would have been nice if she felt I was worth the wait while I work on figuring this out.
I've done my apology here and please can you release me from all of the emotion that can make me felt bad cos I can't really control my emotional feelings . I am just human and if you read my post I'm down and so sick now.I have my all and all I want is my peace of mind . I don't want any opinion I already done my part and I sincerely apologized to him. I'm not a fighter and I'm not here to be bad . Thanks
Leave me peace enough for this I'm totally drain I think I have to off myself from this for awhile far out . Your not the one having treats and now I had received a phone call his having trouble with my friends my girlfriend was bashed they just came to do a medical mission here far out .