Please help with cancer guy

  • Hey Karmacutie, nope i have not. To be honest i didn't have the guts. I don't handle rejection very well and if he didn't answer the phone or worse, put it down on me i wouldn't be responsible for my actions. The Taurus temper... lol

    Thank you for sharing Luana, i am starting to wish i knew all off this before we hooked up... would have save me a lot of pain and tears.... urggghh

    Hey Lonelydee, oh man... the way i see it, they are truly selfish. As mentioned i did not call him, but today i sent him a LAST text message. Very casually, like "hey you, how are you doing on this chilly Monday , have a great day" As expected no reply whatsoever. Afterwards i cursed myself for being so weak. And yes, it hurts..... a lot. Never before could any man hurt me this badly.... Reading how these guys are treating ladies..... i still could not believe it. Where is the respect. Surely we deserve that. And yet.... we still love them to death. Wish i could rip my heart out... surely that will be less painful. I doubt that mine will come back.... and even if he does, how long until the next time...? this time it has gone to far, surely in three weeks he could have been able to mope whatever bothers him.... God dammit.... this shit is too much for me

    Hope you all have a peaceful night.

  • lonelydee, everything you say is the truth. don't give in and call. perhaps you learned that lesson too late. i'm sorry. i used to hide his # where i couldn't reach it, until i couldn't help but know it by memory.

    taureengirl, i wouldn't be surprised if he DOES call because i really feel that when a cancer man plays games, it's because he DOES love. but you can NOT call him again. i know exactly how hard it is. especially since we taureens tend to be very direct

  • Hey trans7trip, games...? I would not refer to this ignoring as games. He is a grown up man and needs to act like one. I would not put up with this behaviour any more. As i said, i doubt that i will hear from him again.

  • Heres is my input. Two and a half years ago my son was dumped by his fiance, he showed up at my front door and fell into my arms with tears (which I had never seen before) and grief beyond, what we thought at the time would ever end.

    As I was holding him (w/my heart breaking also), something guided me to say to him, you have only known this person for a short period of time throughout your entire life. This relationship/heartbreak does not define you unless you let it. It's going to hurt for a while, no way around that, but, in time and sometimes a short time you will comet to realize that that person and what they brought to your life was a stepping stone to move you to the next phaze in your life. Bid that relationship a respectful farewell and move on. There is something else out there for you, but you have to let this go first in order to see it. Let me tell you what happened, he stayed single for 2 1/2 years gaurding his heart and I told him when you're ready to trust again God will send you the right mate. Sure enough here we are a little over two years later and God did indeed send him the perfect mate. It was a long hard road, and trying to allow such a great sadness take over our lives always is, but the best way to get through it is to go back to who you were before you had this relationshhip. Figure out what really makes you tick and in a short time you will find who you were before this heartbreak. Good luck and trust me time takes care of everything.

  • I agree, just leave him alone for now.

    I have one for all of you... HELP!! This is my first post, I have been divorced for 2 yrs after 21 yrs of marriage. I am now involved with a cancer man. He has pushed the relationship..committment and so on. He wants to live together now and has plans to ask me to marry. Here's my issue. He has been very honest about his life and his marriage of 24-25 yrs to his high school sweet heart. He has been divorced since 2003, they remain friends and are close, the entire family is close and it is all about the Children.. I have no problem with any of that. My issuse is he told me he has never been faithfull to anyone in his life.. Not his Wife, their entire marriage, or any dating relationships or girlfriends of past. We have been seeing each other since last August and haven't spent a wk-end apart since then.. we see each other atleast 2x's a week also, recently we spent about 3wks together at my home.. he was working very close, we actually live abut 45 minutes away from each other ( not to bad). So, I believe he has been faithfull to me these last 10 months, he tells me he is In Love, Wants Marriage with me, wants to be with me forever.

    My question and concern is: ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER?????? There is something in my gut that just wont let me give myself 110%.

    Is it reiminance of my divorce, or am I holding his past against him??? I'm not meaning to, he has done nothing wrong.. He is wonderful. But... as much as we have in common, we have some differances..which is ok, the sex is great .. when we have it. I'm 45 and he is 53 and we both are cancers... some one help...

    Is this real?????????? Or is it Memorix.. We do love each other, and he has shown me in many ways that he loves me...but there is something.

    Is it just me?????

  • Hello Hines, welcome here. My input on your question, i am not jealous at all BUT i would not want to share.. I don't know a lot about cancers.. although i learned a lot on here. But that would go nor any guy..... they might love you but still not able to be faithful. If you can't live with it, it might make your life hell. At our age we don't have the time or the energy for games anymore. At least he has been completely honest with you and that counts for points. I truly hope you will make the right decision.

    As for my guy......... i have this strange feeling.... he'll be back. Maybe not now...maybe not in the near future, but he will. I have no doubt about that. In the meantime i am going to live my life as usual. Enjoy every moment of it, as time goes by so quickly. Luckily i have a lot of friends.... mostly people from work, but they are a crazy bunch and never a dull moment. So from now on i am on the roll again........ hahahaha....

  • taureengirl, everything you've just said tells me that you're thinking about your situation in a beneficial way. if you can keep that exact frame of mind (having no need for games, maintaining a rich fulfilling life, knowing deep down that he feels for you but you may have to show your sincerity) then i think you may have the secret to a cancer man's heart.

    hines63 , i would check your man's id. he doesn't sound like a real cancer man, but maybe more like a gemini?

  • Hi trans7trip,

    hehehe, i wish to have the secret. Actually i have been enjoying my life to the fullest all along. A few incidents threw me off balance, his timing for the silent treatment were oh so perfect. (in earlier post i mentioned what these incidents were) I needed his comfort, his support....... not this damn treatment. So of course i freaked out a bit.... when the ignoring continued until now three weeks later i was confused, angry, hurt you name it. THen the stubborness comes to play, and i pulled a few spiteful tricks to get an reaction. I now know that these DON"T work on a cancer.....

    How do i show sincerity if he doesn't even talk to me..... no contact whatsoever... ?

    Plus we don't have mutual friends....... not hang out at the same places and don't belong to the same circle....... Catch 22 situation.

    I'll just do my thing as i did before...... if he does come along... what will be will be.

    This forum has brought me to my senses again. I am so glad i have found you guys. You simply are the best as i now understand him much better. Although i still think they are a little selfish and can't see the need for their little games.... hehehehe.. Each to his own.. lol

  • I'm a Cancer girl, and the cliche about us being moody is so true. He's likely sorting through his own problems, and doesn't want to pull you into his well of troubles. He'll most likely contact

    you when he's ready...if you want to wait. But as a Taurus, you're a great match , understanding

    and patient. He'll come around, and if not, his loss!

  • I like to call it The Fox Chasing The Hound, me being the fox!! I let myself think I am winning most of the time. Who knows?

  • Hey trans7trip, is it possible at all to contact you directly.

  • I am back where i was a week ago.... Just checked messages on the dating site. Him visited my profile. He doesn't want to talk to me, so why interest could he possibly have in my profile. Damnit... doesn't he know how much it hurts.. or maybe he does and doing it on purpose....

  • WOW, he seems to be all over the place. Being cancerian myself, I have to say that he is most definitely confused by his intrigue/feelings for you. More than likely he has thought long and hard about it and has decided it might not be the best fit for him. I know it hurts and it is confusing erratic behaviour, but I truly feel its in YOUR BEST interests to move on. People that behave in that manner and can't be upfront or honest will have future issues expressing themselves with you in an honest forthright manner. If you can't have that, you seriously need to move on. It's just not worth the heartache and the wasted time..... You can do WAY better for yourself. Believe!

  • Thank you Blueglasslady..... yeah, confusing behaviour... doesn't make any sense at all. Just so strange....... before he could talk...... not in a direct manner though... lol... as with invite to go on a trip with him.... "so you say you are coming with me"... what kind of an invite is that... about a week after that he was doing the magic man thing.... disappeared.

    i have deleted him from my network, so he had to actually do a search to find my profile...

  • Yeah Taureengirl, it really does suck. It's hard to think that someone you gave your heart to can actually act sooo heartless. I mean what are they "thinking!?!" I don't understand. From my past this type of behavior was something I would do when I was 18. In fact, I was horrible! I thought out of sight out of mind. I did not want to deal with the ugly confrontations. I did not want to answer the questions because I was weak and very sensitive. It would have killed me to take on their emotions. I acted similiarly twice in my young life. Then it was done to a beautfiul Taurus man no less....and it took me YEARs to get over him. We were 21...I see now that I was too young. But we live and learn, I would have thought he would have figured this all out by now. NOW because I am a sensitive person, and as uncomfortable as it is for me. I spell it out... I TALK , I write, I text and I email. Everything that is going on with me so that it is understood. I don't always get that in return, but I have learned to let go a lot better. It's just never an easy thing any way you look at it. All I know is "this too shall pass".... there's a reason for everything....and I like to think that it all prepares you for the "real" person or the next experience.... always....

  • Well, he is a grown up man of 48, me 47. Recently i posted some pics from office party on facebook, my ex husband commented on pic asking who the guy on the photo was. I replied that's a buddy from work. So of course cancer guy saw this, said what has it got to do with ex, and i am answering that wrongly, i should have said its my Bf. So me replying, why, i have nothing to hide. I would not lie about anything. So, a few weeks later he was asking me if i am always honest, i answered yes... there is no reason to lie. Hahaha...... asking me a question like that. Him being divorced 8 years ago, wife been cheating. Now i have to get the punishment for someone elses actions........ not fair. I was just starting to cope with him not being part of my life anymore.... urgh

  • yeah doesn't sound like he's "grown" much from his life experiences. Interesting that he would contact you via facebook. You might not want to continue to let him have access as this will keep you from moving on that much sooner.... just the way it usually works.... he can't drop you and still keep "watching" you.... doesn't seem right.

  • Obviously you're on his mind, he's just not ready to communicate. My Cancer man admitted, when I saw him a month and a half ago, to looking at my website. So I knew he was thinking of me. Which is nice I thought, but if you decide he's not ultimately someone you will want to be with, at least it's nice knowing you're the one left in the power position.

  • Will he ever be ready... i am starting to doubt it...

    If i want to be with him...? I love him with all my heart.

    But then... i received news earlier on that my sister's cancer has spread... he knew about her mastectomy, that happened the monday just before he went silent and also know that i really need some support and comfort... and yet.. he choose to walk away...

  • i am so sorry to hear about your sister. it's not an easy time for you. this could very well be one of the reasons he went silent. he may not know how to handle or deal with his feelings for you (if he still has any) and/or your family situation. some people just don't know how to cope and choose to just disappear. very strange. i don't know I truly would not continue waiting around for him to get his life together. you really need to take care of yourself and be "present" for your family. if he really wants something with you he may come around. you know the more you are out there living your life, the more attractive you look to him and anyone else.......

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