Please help with cancer guy

  • He always will act like you don't exist. Move on and do yourself a favor and forget about him altogether. The more you chase him, the more he backs down. And, if you have to chase him in the first place it wasn't there for him. I did not chase after my husband years ago when he would go on his two weeks on two weeks off for over a year. Then he left for four months. And then followed me and came and got me and said that he never loved anyone more in his entire life, not even his ex-wife. Well, look where that got me. I married him and now again he's gone. AND GOD DOES THIS ONE HURT BAD!!!! I have forgiven him for so many wrongs, but he doesn't see it that way. He thinks that I am in the wrong. The stress of all of his mental abuse now has given me thyroid disease and this hasn't been fun. He has told my friends that he doesn't care that I am sick. We are still married and he doesn't care. That shows you something about who the man cares about, himself!!!

  • Taureengirl, I guess I should have explained myself a little better (Mercury in Pisces). You will move on when you are ready to move on, not because anyone tells you to. What I was referring to is that it serves no purpose to put your life on hold waiting for a response from him. If he comes back he comes back, if he doesn’t then you still have a life that is complete without him.

    LonelyDee, I can’t imagine having to endure what you have had to put up with, and I can empathize with your feelings of hurt/anger/bitterness/disappointment. I have to tell you that my Cancer has been married twice before. The first breakup was very traumatic (I can’t even begin to tell you). The second he admits he should have never entered into because of the emotional state that he was in. I think he thought he could find the answers in someone else where he should have been looking within himself. I do believe your Cancer still cares about you, but as you know they have a very hard time coping with disappointment either in themselves or dealing with the disappointment of others. It took mine almost 10 yrs before he started forgiving himself and even forgiving the exes. I couldn’t bear to be around him during that time (and I wasn’t for the most part) because he was just plain nasty. I pray that you can remove yourself from this situation completely so that you can begin with your healing.

  • Hi, sorry to hear you're going through a rough time with your Cancerian. I felt compelled to reply because throughout my life I seem drawn to male Cancerians. Every serious relationship I've had has been with a Cancerian and all have been really flakey (messing me about, coming on strong then going non-responsive and usually ending badly, leaving me in such a state it takes a while to recover--but I never seem to be attracted to any other type). I'm now married to my last Cancerian boyfriend and after reading a lot of posts here, I had a serious think about what made this relationship better than any of the others. Firstly, when I met my husband, he was in a bad relationship--on again/off again, and no doubt he was doing to his gf what had been previously done to me. I set some ground rules--friends only. We got on so well and it was fun, but I told him straight off if he's in a relationship with someone else--even if at the moment it's off again, I didn't want anything else from him than just a pal and if he did want to take it further then he would have to call it off and keep it off with his ex. "If you want to be with me, be with me, it's as simple as that, but don't mess me around cos you don't know what you want--grow up & be a man and make your own choices--I won't choose for you" My husband says that when I said that to him it made an impression and something inside went 'ding!' and he knew then he wanted to be with me seriously. He did want to break things off with his gf over the phone but I wouldn't let him. I told him to go see her, tell her what decision he had made as far as their relationship--look her in the eye when telling her this, no matter how difficult that may be because at the end of the day he had seen something in her to invest his time and energy in a relationship with her and she deserved honesty and respect from him. This also let him know what I would be expecting from him. To me, it's a no-brainer--just common sense to treat other people with some decency, especially people you have cared about and shared time with. To him it wasn't, he wanted out and didn't really care how to go about ending things and the less emotional stress involved, the better. We've been together for 6 years now and looking back I can see how everything just clicked into place for us, we went from strength to strength but there has been some hard work involved. I'm a Scorpio & very intense, possessive and moody but I have actually learned from my past mistakes to give my husband some space and trust to be able to have a social life outside of our marriage (friends & work) and he can be really hard work too because he has this unconscious selfishness about him that drives me round the bend sometimes--I say unconscious because I honestly believe he doesn't do it on purpose, he just wants to do what he wants without consideration for me but he's working on that and we can communicate with each other effectively now (it hasn't always been so easy, like I said we have worked on this). So I hope this gives some kind of insight and hasn't put you to sleep! Sorry to ramble on so much. Best of luck with your guy, I truly believe if he's the one for you, he will put in the effort. If the effort isn't being made on his part--kick him to the kerb and move on as best you can. I know it isn't easy but have faith in yourself, respect and put yourself first and others will start doing the same.

  • Wow..... in some strange way this is exactly how i was treating everybody else. I never put the message across to cancer guy, cause it was never needed before... Thank you notreble for sharing with us,.

    Lonelydee sorry for going through this again, Only you can decide what you want to do. My thoughts and prays will be with you.

    Aquabubbles, you are right... i am not ready to move on just yet. I am still hoping at this stage. And yes, i have a life of my own.. so i am not completely relying on him. Although between all the things going on in my life i have this pain/anger/sorrow all the time. Mainly becuase i am confused by his behaviour.

  • Well even though he's a water sign does not make think like we do cancer are sweet people , but not good mates until they have aged a bit. If he is young he may still be a bit shallow if you have the time let him be your friend after he's age abit and mellowed some more and still around he may just well make a good mate after he realizes what he has in you if its not to late for him Know what I mean

    Later a True Fish

  • oh my word.... we both are 47...!! so not children and to be honest i don't like these games.

  • Thanks to all of you!!!!!! Everything you all have said is so true about male cancerians. It just hurts so much because I still am in love with him and I don't want this divorce. I do not know why I feel like this. He has done so many wrongs to me and I have forgiven him for all of them even though they hurt. The latest one when he actually left. His dog drove me crazy, not well trained on behavior. We had to actually shut all the doors in the house and put items on the furniture so she wouldn't get up on it while we were gone. Well after a year I had enough and the dog went back to his daughter's and ex. She couldn't stand the dog either. (Not the dogs fault) She moved into an apartment complex and said that they didn't take dogs. Meanwhile he was living at his mom's with the dog. He moved back in in Feb. and that lastest 3 weeks and he moved out and went to live with his two older children in the same complex that his ex lives. A week ago, I was driving down the street and saw his ex and daughter leaving their complex. I never knew where it was until then. When he picked up his daughter he would never take me. Anyway, I looked the complex up on the internet and guess what....they do accept dogs. Him and his daughter both looked me in the eyes and lied to me. What is wrong with me to still love this man who has been so deceitful? She was just tired of spending the money on this dog. And I certainly wasn't going to because I was already paying all the bills pretty much in our household. The dog also has a thyroid problem. I just received a vet bill in the mail the other day and returned it to sender. Can you believe this guy? I must just be crazy.

  • By the way, he will be 50 on June 29th. I am 6 months younger, people do think that we are in our late 30's early 40's. So he has time to grow up and become a man.

  • Despite my cancer man having most of the above traits (totally self-centered, withdrawing emotionally, lying, 'borrowing' $, etc), at least i can say that i really don't think he's ever cheated on me, or on any of his previous girls

  • I believed that before our spit, now I am not sure about that. I would not cheat on him even while going through this divorce. I need to be honest with myself and I will not put my own reputation on the line for that. Besides, I have absolutely no interest to find someone else right now. We go to court in a few weeks for the first time. I am pretty scared. I am fighting to get all of the money he took from me and it's been a hard job to prove all of this, but I am gathering and ordering paperwork for all of it. My heart has never been so broke in my entire life. How do you guys deal with this?

  • Lonelydee, i think the reason for most of us being here, we can't deal with this. I know i am battling with it. And i wasn't even married to this guy. Years ago i was married to a Leo man, and boy, he almost ruined my life. Been alcoholic and abusive towards me and kids. The day i walked out i thought i am going to die. But in the end you don't die. It's been rough times, as my youngest were a baby just over 14 months. This things makes you stronger in the end. Wiser in a way.

    But then dealing with cancer boys... total different story...

    Us women feel so much deeper, more emotional. Be strong sweetheart and believe in yourself. One day you will be able to look back and tap yourself on the shoulder. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Thank you Taureengirl, I really appreciate the support. I feel for you as well, it isn't easy, how long has it been for you? Are you over him or does it still bring tears to your eyes? I truly believed in my heart we were soul mates. A tarot card reader told me that we were married in a past life. I take it all with a grain of salt but this guy had everything right on the money, even the future he predicted for years later. Although, he never told me that I would be where I am today. I saw him again a few months ago. He told me that he would try to stop the divorce, but I honestly think that he was wrong on this one and besides do I really want him back after all the deceit, lies and sponging off me? Would there ever be a happy balance. The sad thing is we had so much in common and had a lot of fun together. We really enjoyed being together. We were told numerous times from strangers that we made a great couple. We had dreams, which are now a whisper in the went heading south.

  • Sorry, whisper in the wind.

  • LonelyDee,

    I will also hope and pray for you. I hate to feel like you do now. Had a scorpio hurt me like you 12 years ago.

    Just Breathe.....

  • Uggh.... three weeks and still not a single word from him. I get through stages of hurt, anger, confusion.... How do one survive this....?

  • damn

    am in ur place now too taureengirl..

    and it's been a little over 3 weeks...

    I just want to even hear his voice 😞

  • You can say that again... damn... couldn't sleep last night... AGAIN... miss his voice, his laughter.. just everything....

  • have you not tried calling him?

  • I have had 2 experiances of cancer, one great together he was 20 years younger and did not want long comitment lasted a few years then disappered out of my life and never heard from again, I married the 2 cancer he was careing to start with we were married 11 years I loved him in my own way he met someone and we divorced, now Iam now much happier and having fun,acording to my chart taurus and libra have sexual magnetisum with cancer warm desireI wish you luck

  • No matter how much you want to call him, don't. This is Cancer's ways. The more you leave him alone, the more he will want to call you. Like I said in all the years I have know him. He would leave and then come back on his own. And at that time I did exactly that, then I married him. Well... we are back in the same place that we were before we were married. YES, GOD KNOWS THIS ALL HURTS SO MUCH!! But do not call him, let yourself be in control! This gives him less power and I am sure he is asking himself questions. He text me on Saturday out of the blue, and stupid me text back. His comment to me was "I hope you have learned your lesson, when you have a man who loves you, don't push them away from you." He still does not get that he pushed himself away from me with the lies and deceit. He just can't get that when confronted, conflict arises and instead of handling it like a man, he runs from it and it is always someone elses fault. Cancer men do not put any fault on themselves. I would love for this to all stop, but you can not make them come back to you. If they want us, they will have to do it all by themselves.

Log in to reply