Please help with cancer guy



  • Apologies for this long post. I need to know whats going on here. Any advice/insight would be appreciated. I start dated this great cancer guy 5 months ago, after him pursueing me for over a year. (we met through a dating site) We got along very well from the first meeting and chemistry were great. Him sen text almost every day, saying good morning have a lovely day etc. Started sexual relionship on 2nd date, saw each other every 2nd week. Then he gone silent for a period of two weeks, i send mail to say that i don't understand but if thats his way in telling me his no longer interest, thats ok. Him responding and almost begged that he would want to see me again and that;s he's sorry. After that we kept on seeing each other every 2nd week and him texting every day. Sometimes i would initiate with text but not often. Lately it seems that we are getting much closer to each other. He became much more loving and affectionate than before. Stroking my face, kissing on my forehead, nose, neck almost everywhere. Being Taurus i loved this affection. The last time we were together him touching my bum and said it;s his. Also invited me to go on his diving weekend. (although not directly) Week after i received news about relative falling ill. Him being so supportive, texting everyday asking how she patient is doing, and how i am doing. The day she was due for operation he even called to find out what time etc.

    Now as far as my limited experience with men goes, when a guy is really interested he ask about your life, your family. What happened in your day and is interested in everything about you.

    This is what he was like. Whenever i saw him he was asking how my kids are doing, my mom, how my week was and all that. Anyway the patient had the op on the Monday.. i spend the whole of Thursday with her at hospital. When done there i text him to tell that she is much better etc. No response. Up to now not a single word. By the Sunday morning i was loosing my cool and change my profile on ds as to appear that i am looking for someone that's decent, honest, genuine and have time for me. Trying to get an reaction. Damn, of course dealing with a cancer i didn't get one. He came online later that same eve. Me sending text, "Ok, the ignoring game again" No response from him. Me, furious, mailed him and ask if he wants to see me again

    does he actually wants my affection and if so, how much. or does he only want a strictly sexual relationship. Also added i know because we had sex a couple of times doesn't mean anything. (meaning that i do not have any hold on him) Next morning i mailed again to apologise for my behaviour. Couple of days later another to ask him to forgive me and if we could have another chance. Days later i was really angry, send him a mail to say ok, since i haven't got any response from him i take it that he does not want to see me again. I totally respect his decision.

    Still not one single word. Why....? Could it be that it was my imagination that he is feeling something?



  • Forget him! I am cancer too. Just happens that your cancer have no time for you. Just treat him as your friend that's all. Cancer people after breakup or pains from relationship doesn't want any commitment until the time they are ready, but how long and when they are ready is indefinite time? Find someone else that have some more sense or sane.



  • Many thanks for your response. I don't understand. Why not telling me he is not interested anymore?



  • he is interested- and ellen1 is right. Just leave him alone if you want a chance with him in the future. You're not technically exclusive with him right? So you have every right to see other guys in the meantime until he's ready. Plus, you may even find someone else that catches your interest. Just leave him alone for now.



  • Thank you KarmaCutie. I am trying to pulling myself together and move on. Only wish i had answers for all the questions.



  • Hi Taureengirl,

    Hello from the UK, just read your post and wanted to send you a quick reply. I've already posted on one of the other 'Cancer men' posts but just wanted to say you're not alone with this problem! I've yet to work out want on earth goes on with these Cancerian men but I know one thing now, I'm through with mine! I'd been seeing mine on and off for the past 4 and half years. Last year nursed him through not only a heart attack but also losing his Dad (who was such a lovely man) and we had a reasonable Christmas given the circumstances. Then back in February he walked out of my house and out of my life - again. Yep he'd done the same thing previously after an 18mth relationship - again no reason but like an idiot I took him back 6mths later. Well not this time - he's well and truly had his chance this time. Apart from 3 phone calls the 2nd week after he'd gone, I've heard nothing more. I've tried sending a text, I've written him a long letter and even sent a small gift to try and cheer him up as we thing he'd probably had a nervous breakdown. Everything I've done has just been ignored. Apart from anything else, it is extremely bad manners! Then a few weeks ago, a close girlfriend decided she'd put a note through his door asking him out for a drink - it's amazing how, at times like this, you really do find out who your friends are! Much to my amazement he agreed to meet her. She then took great delight is e-mailing me the following Monday to say I had just put him under too much pressure back in January. Personally I don't think he know the meaning of the word pressure! I've decided he is just not worth bothering with and certainly does not deserve the love and care I gave him so I am now concentrating my energies on finding someone new who will appreciate me for who I am! Good luck to you and take care,

    londonlass54

    x



  • Maybe he felt he was getting a little too involved in your life too fast? Then your actions became a little irrational and that put him further into his shell. I doubt you will get a reply (hope I’m wrong), because the explanation I got when I finally got a hold of mine was “You already made your decision, so there was nothing else to say”.



  • I don't know what to think. I was never so confused about any guy. I am not needy as have a life of my own. Don't think i was acting needy either. Always been satisfied in seeing him once every two weeks, text msage sometimes everyday, if not that was ok. But not for days. Just wanted to know whats going on.

    Besides, when i said goodbye the wording was in such a way that if that's his decision i'll respect that. He is a great guy and i love him a lot. But really, how long does a girl needs to hang in the dark. I am still hoping, but if not.. that ok too.



  • I don't know what to think. I was never so confused about any guy. I am not needy as have a life of my own. Don't think i was acting needy either. Always been satisfied in seeing him once every two weeks, text msage sometimes everyday, if not that was ok. But not for days. Just wanted to know whats going on.

    Besides, when i said goodbye the wording was in such a way that if that's his decision i'll respect that. He is a great guy and i love him a lot. But really, how long does a girl needs to hang in the dark. I am still hoping, but if not.. that ok too.



  • I don't know what to think or advise either!!! Personally I think I would not hang around for him and I would continue to socialise ...and if he contacted again I would consider then if I wanted to pursue a relationship. Must admit, I don't think I would've stood for once a fortnight dating either ! This guy sounds way too confusing to me!



  • Please read my post! I am a Taurus too and I dealt with a Cancer male as well. Same outcome. He just stopped communicating with me cold turkey. I was just thinking today as I drove into work how much he hurt me but I must move on. They are very selfish and your feelings don't matter, if you try to persuade him to understand how you feel they will move further away. Please move on girl!



  • I understand Taureengirl. I’ve been there. Now this was a long time ago and I remember going through confusion, then anger, then regret and then I suggested that he didn’t want to see me and that I respected his decision. I’m not a needy/clingy person either, but not getting any response to anything was very frustrating and it’s almost like he sat back and watched my emotional progression and came to the conclusion that ending it was what I wanted/needed. When you haven’t heard from your man, the best thing to do is keep your text/email light because then he doesn’t go scurrying into his shell. When you do meet up, you can then discuss what’s been going on. You can’t try and predict his thoughts and reasons for his actions and then assume that its reality, but you can let him tell you what they are.



  • The reason we only saw each other once in two weeks, we both have busy lives. Both divorced having children. And yes, i have gone through all the stages, confusion, anger, hurt, and some more confusion. At this stage the confution is the worsts. And no, not a way i will initiate contact again. Now its totally up to him, if not, sure i will still miss him and be heartbroken, but thats life.

    Thanks for your responses. At least i am not alone. 🙂

    Any other advice would be greatly appreciated.



  • I agree, there's no point in contacting him. Let him decide what he wants to do.



  • Still not a single word from him. I am getting more confused by the minute. What really confuse me . He was using words like " i really really like you" and " thank you *** ,otherwise we would never met, referring to the dating site. Also " i really really like you a lot" why using these words. It's not tht he had to "score" any points. I am totally hooked on him....



  • You can either wait to see if he contacts you or you can send him an email explaining the turmoil your mind/heart was in and that you don’t want to end it, but will wish him all the best in life if he chooses to. Do not make any references to what he’s done wrong, in other words don’t make any accusations or put the blame on him. The purpose is to explain what you were feeling because being a Cancer emotions are something he respects. Then leave it with him.

    This gives you an opportunity to put your thoughts on paper and then you can decide whether you want to take that risk of sending it or not.

    Freewill, we choose what direction we want to head towards, as opposed to letting the choices be made for us.



  • seems that i am never going to learn. i wrote a little blog... mentioned how i met this great guy.. stated his good points... then explaining the emotional difficulties i went through with my sisters illness and the smash & grab. at the end i mentioned how i stuffed by acting stubborn and spiteful and all that i gained what hurting the person i care about..

    it was worded more like a story that i was telling... last paragraph i was talking directly to him and stated how sorry i am and hope for a chance to make it up to him someday. i then send the link of blog to him.. apologised again for hurting him and said if he ever should change his mind, he know where to find me...

    only thing left for me is to wait and see...



  • It seems that all of you have issues and KNOW that these cancer guys are from another planet.

    I have know mine for 24 years as friends and we dated for five, married for 2 1/2 years and he left me and filed for divorce. He from the very beginning has had issues. He was married before and divorced after almost 25 years. I have been madly in love with him for 7 years. Here's where it goes all wrong, he has lied, taken upwards of $ 60,000.00 from me before we were married. He can not tell the truth when it comes down to the nitty gritty involving his youngest daughter who is mulipative at all costs. He sees it and still did nothing about it. He has completely broke my heart, he was my best friend as well. We could have had a great life together as we promised each other. But, when it comes to a cancer man you can't trust them at all. They say "Trust me" well guess what, you can not trust them. They are very self absorbed, selfish and self centered. It makes me upset that I have to say these things about my husband but they are all true. The laughs, fun and shared interests does not get you anywhere with them unless, you sit on the side line and don't say a word about anything. DO YOURSELVES ALL A FAVOR...FIND A DIFFERENT SIGN. The stress is NOT worth it.



  • I dated a Pisces guy that would meet me after work (summer job) on payday to “borrow” money from me. I let him get away with it twice. He also lied and cheated (with my best friend and a family member) amongst other things, all the while professing his love for me. I’m so sorry this happened to you but I don’t believe this behaviour is limited to any sun sign. I would classify them as individual defects.

    Taureengirl, there is no guarantee that he will call, so don’t wait; continue living your life to the fullest.



  • I know i should forget about him and move on. Can't believe the way he is acting. It's if i never existed.