Help breaking up with a Sagittarius



  • VoplySoply,

    Wow this is insane. I hope I interpreted what you're saying correctly because I'm guilty of this all my life. I talk to strangers randomly because I feel someone that doesn't know me will be more unbiased when making a conversation. With strangers, I also feel there is no need to lie about things. What annoys me is that the stranger status only applies for like three days to a week (but forever if its online). I'm like "I just wanted to talk to someone freely" and they're like "I thought what we had was special". After this, I avoid them because I think they're desperate. You're telling me now that no they're not desperate, its me being open at first then coldly shutting people out. Is this what you're referring to?



  • Turn it around, Frank. What would you think if someone came up to you and started talking openly and sincerely to you - wouldn't you think they were interested in you? You may be guilty of being a 'tease' without the sexual connotation. You come on strong, then lose interest as soon as the person accepts you - hardly a very sociable or kind thing to do.



  • Yup, I've got a problem that's harmful for the people around me and I didn't realize it till VoplySoply pointed it out. I don't deny it. I can't think of a solution for it though. Should I be less open then?



  • I think if anything else ... don't try to mislead people, if you just wanted to be friend with them, tell them from the start, if you really wanted romantic relationship, let them know too. I'm a Sagittarius, so I know the thing that I really hate most is if people lied to me, or cheating, its better if you be upfront, we can take almost anything, as long its the truth, even its painful.



  • Frank, why don't you feel you can be as honest with your friends as you are with strangers?



  • Frank, I'll be franc with you. Yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about. You might not realize it, but the majority of people are much less concerned about "safe distance" than virgos. My partner is a virgo, so I know the pattern well. There is a string of broken hearts whereever he goes, and he doesn't even know why. I suppose he gets some kind of kick from first creating a "special" connection, then dumping a person. Maybe something to do with his personal history ? He was bullied as a child. Maybe that's the only way he/you can experience intimacy without feeling out of control ?



  • Frank, the solution might be not openning up too fast. Just that. Most people see openning up as something special, that happens between people sharing a special connection, not just strangers. Actually, therapy might be a good idea, if you were a victim of abuse as a child. Virgo, or not virgo, you'll make your life much poorer the way you deal with intimacy now.



  • And just one more thought, Frank. Therapy might be exactly what you need. It would allow you a) safely open up - that's what it is for, b) to practice staying power without fear of people wanting from you more that you can deliver, c) it might actually improve your relationship with yourself and therefore the quality of your life in general. By the way it's good that you recognize that you have a problem - that's already a problem half solved, if you really want it to be solved, that is. Good luck with it !



  • Sagittarius sign,

    I don't lie to them.. Its not like I mislead them on purpose for my own gain. I never mention anything about relationships. I'm not shooting for anything soon, its just the other side misinterprets what I say like crazy. The signals I send are not intentional, I just don't have much to talk about other than what happens in my mind.

    Captain,

    I'm open with my friends as well sometimes its just I have much to lose by saying something true but harmful. Saying something harmful to a stranger won't have much of an impact, my reasoning is that most likely I won't see them again, in which sometimes isn't the case.

    VoplySoply,

    I never had a bullying problem, my parents basically shielded me till 8th grade. Then some random insane growth happened 9th grade and on. I can go with your solution, except I'll take it to the extreme and not open up with just anyone.

    I think I've identified the problem. My hobby is to talk to people about my ideas, my thoughts, feelings and hear theirs, that's basically it. Talking is fun. It seems I only can do that with strangers because of the problem I mentioned to captain. I need to get something to do as a replacement hobby so I can talk about that instead. I guess I'll just suppress my real hobby for whoever I think is right. I read quite a bit from this forum and I have an idea which are the right people to open up to. Although I think this solution is good enough I'm still open (haha) for any ideas.



  • Frank, you know you can be polite and still tell the honest truth to your friends - the key is to soften the 'blow' and be sympathetic. Eg. "Hey dude, you got really bad breath, you know. I had the same problem until I went to the dentist and found out what was causing it. You're such a great person and I don't want to see people avoiding you because of something that is probably easily fixed."

    I think you just have to learn to be more diplomatic and tactful. Instead of criticizing, empathize.



  • Frank, taking any solution to extreme and closing up to everybody sounds like a very teenage way of resolving problems to me. By suppressing anything you'll only make it worse. You just have to find an appropriate place for your "hobby" - a therapy, a support group or something of that nature. By the way, my Virgo partner was also very shielded until he was 13 or something. Then he started getting badly bullied in school, as he was a sensitive boy amongst the bunch of rugby players. He turned it around eventually, as he was (still is) very smart, but unfortunately it taught him the "lesson" that one has to be constantly in control in relationships. He does it without even realizing what he is doing. And what's the best way of feeling in control than making people open up to you and then dumping them ? Except for one thing - it won't make you happy on the long run.


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