Financial Future - Insight Please

  • Greetings,

    I'm not sure exactly where to post regarding insight into my financial future/career, but will start here... any insight anyone would like to offer is very much appreciated as I feel 'stuck'.

    I have been in the legal field for almost 20 years in support/paralegal/marketing positions. I am a single parent with a son in his freshman year of college. The past few years, I have barely been getting by as I've had no raise the past two. I am also supporting my son with no financial assistance from his father. I've just learned I will not be getting a raise again this year and need to leave this sinking ship. I have also been working in the music business for many years and do some contract work, developing artists. This is what I love doing and would love to do full-time. I work about 60+ hours a week to make ends meet. The direction I would ask for is 1) when would be a good time to make my departure?, 2) I'm thinking of relocating to another state (from WA to CA)... insight please? WA (I) am still home to my son. Uprooting him (even though he is in college) worries me. His Dad and Aunts live here too, just FYI although he is closest to me as I raised him as a single parent. 3) Any insight into when the financial burden will be lifted? in the form of a new job, etc. etc., 4) any other insight you see relating to this as my brain feels pretty 'stuck' today. This change is going to require a lot of effort on my part (I'm assuming), so I am preparing.

    Thank you kindly...

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  • Why do you need your relationship to be long term? We only have this moment to live in. If you got hit by a bus tomorrow, wouldn't you appreciate having love in your life today? Is there more to this love relationship than you admit - perhaps this young man doesn't provide you with the security you need? But that is something you must provide for yourself. No one else can give your inner security even if you have outer security.

    When it comes to your finances, I feel stubbornness and pride hold you back from asking for or getting all the help you need. The father of your child should be made to pay his dues - he contributed to his creation and he should contribute maintenance as well for that life. Or don't you want your son to have contact with his father? It's like you want to prove a point to yourself that you can manage alone, unaided. But no man or woman is an island, complete unto themselves - we all must ask for help at one time or another.

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  • Why does he 'deserve' to have his own biological children? Aren't all the world's children equal and worthy of love? You might not be able to have your own children but you could certainly provide a good home for a child who is already in this world and suffering from having no one to love them. Have you actually asked your partner what he wants or are you just assuming everything for him? If so, you are doing him (and yourself) an injustice.

    Deep down however, I feel you are rejecting him before he can reject you. You are trying to avoid the humiliation and misery of abandonment. You need to deal with this fear before you throw away something precious. The gift of love is not something that anyone can afford to discard.

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  • Instead of worsening things romantically, might not talking and discussing any problems make things better between you? Again you seem to be assuming a bad outcome before anything actually happens. I feel there are some very negative and fearful patterns about love in your psyche that have been established from your early years and are affecting your relationship in the present. I think you are assuming what your partner might do based on prior bad experiences. That's not fair to either of you. You seem to be in terrible fear of abandonment or rejection if you rock the boat or speak out. This needs to be brought to the surface and resolved.

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