Soulmate -- confusion -- please help!!

  • Help me, please!! I am a (young-looking and feeling) 48 yo woman with 2 small children in a marriage that lost its luster some years ago. Three years ago I met my souldmate. He's 14 years my junior and couldn't be more different from my husband. With him I feel that I can be my best self. He makes me want to strive to excel, but not because I am not "good enough."

    We are wonderful together, and are starting a business. We love being together. But he has said that he does not love me. And he now has a girlfriend. But I cannot help thinking (very strongly) that we are ultimately destined to be together.

    I'm at a crisis point with my husband now. He has recently accused me of having an affair with my partner. Bitterly ironic!!

    I don't know what to do! Please help.

  • Whitetara1: First, stop reading, look at something near you which brings you happiness (candle, plant, picture of your children/pet, etc) and take a really deep stomach filling breath, hold it for a few seconds, and exhale.

    About your "soulmate": when they say they don't love you, as much as we want to believe it, they probably don't. Furthermore, if you are starting a business together, evaluate why you are. Is it actually sound business sense or do you simply want to be around him? Also, ask yourself, what is about this man, who says he doesn't love me, that I "love" and how is that different from your husband? Or, is it different? Personally, through experience, he may be a symptom/drug of the larger failing of your marriage.

    About your "husband": Crisis points are very important, they are crossroads which govern our future lives. They are too be taken seriously. If your marriage has been lackluster for years, your husband may be looking for an easy accusing you of an affair, he may be hiding one or may feel this makes it easier for him to leave without looking bad - or, it helps him to explain why the marriage has fallen apart. When marriages reach this point, it is not one persons fault over another, both parties share equal responsibility and culpability. That said - be honest with yourself. Are you currently married because you "love" and want to be with your husband or are you together for the "children"? If its the later, you are doing them a dis-service, because children learn more from body language/action then they do from words. They intuition and sense is greater than an adults. What they see now between their parents will ultimately determine how they treat or are treated in their relationships later in life. As a parent, you have to accept that responsibility and help shape this vision for them.

    Make a list....why did you fall in love with your husband? What made you marry him? it could be something as simple as he likes the color purple, or the way touched your arm. Now ask yourself, is that still there? Now, seriously, think about why you are still there?

    This is the most difficult thought process, do you NEED your husband? or do you WANT your husband?

    Lastly, have faith, time is linear and the only constant. Hindsight is always 20/20 for a reason, give yourself the strength to understand you can make it through the day without either of them, and then move forward from there.

    Good luck and keep us posted

  • I agree with the above and would ask you to seriously look at why you are thinking of going into business with this person. I personally think you need to get away from your husband, and could it be that you have deliberately left subtle hints for him to try to get his attention?

    The boyfriend sounds like someone you have idolised in an escape from the husband and reality always kicks in sooner or later in these circumstances..

    This is a wake up call for you, you must listen to it..

  • PLEASE think twice. I have been in the same predictament with two children and a husband that "I thought " at the time " did not care." I was 40 ish at the time... now I am 48. The man I let convince me that "he was Mr. Wonderful" back paddled and left me right before the divorce was finalized!! Yes, my road with my husband was rocky. He was a 12+ year alcoholic...abusive one but then cleaned up onl to become quiet and insecure. I didn't know how to handle him and vice versa. This guy who was younger made me "feel" good about myself. Hindsight is alwas 20/20. I wish now that I would have worked on more communication with my husband instead of listening to the false lies of someone who "I thought...loved me." He didn't. Since then, dating has been miserable. Good guys are unheard of. My X wasn't that "bad" afterall........... "I wish" I could go back and change things but I can't. ... YOU STILL HAVE TIME. Do whatever you can and search for what attracted you to your husband. At least IS worth it. Get awa from the gu with the store.... it will onl bring confusion and torment to you. As Dorthy said, "There's no place like home." Good LUck!!

  • In addition to the wonderful advice already given, you ought to take a step back and think about what kind of "soul mate" your friend is. Although it's easy to assume someone you're attracted to is a soul mate of the romantic variety, this isn't always the case. Your best friend, parents, even siblings, can be (and often are) soul mates.

  • I agree with Silver rose. My daughter is my soulmate and the feeling is reciprocated. If the man you feel you love does not return your feelings then it is unlikely that he is your soulmate. Think about it - soulmates ate two souls that connect in a spiritual and harmonious way like no other relationship we have encountered. A soulmate cannot be a one sided perception it has to be mutual to be logical. I'm sorry to have to bring this to your attention, I too have recently discovered that someone I had hoped may have been a soulmate, only to be disappointed but sometimes these experiences are sent to prepare us for greater blessings. Try to be strong, sensible and optimistic.

    Good Luck


  • hi dear,

    sometimes we feel for people what we want to feel for them, not what we should feel for them .

    as in the above reply soul mates are two souls and not one. it may be possible that your expectations get a fulfillment there and you may feel that by being this relationship you being secure. but ask yourself one simple question had you been in your husband's place , wouldn't you have accused him of the same ...may be yours accusation would be harsher..............

    so stop being judgmental of yourself, your business partner or of your husband...... ask yourself what exactly do you want from your life,, and are you ready to pay the price for that.

    as if a person says he does not love you today he may never times he may use your emotions as you are quite vulnerable at this point of time, and if it happens how would you feel about it,

    you have the security of a house and a husband now,,,,,, do you think you are ready to embark upon a journey where the security of your husband not be there and just living by this hope that one day you will get your soul mate....

    ask yourself what is going to be the best for your kids,,,,,,,,,,i think once you have kids you are bound by a duty for more important than all the duties for yourself and your happiness............

    good luck


  • So sad to hear of your story... but for me it's too late. My husband, the father of my 2 beautiful children (23 & 25) that I divorced died 6 years ago. The anniversay of his death was yesterday.... still so hard to accept.. I would have had him back in a second although he was abusive.. what a strange path life gives us..

    Don't give up on hope. You just have to concentrate on what your life purpose is and then follow it. Hopefully the site will help you.

    Try & look to the future with all that life has taught you so far.... I believe there is a reason for everything we experience... just have faith in your divine purpose & in the universe... I do!

    Take care & try & be positive...

    Lindy x

  • I am experiencing something so similar. I have been with my husband 13 years and a few months ago we started an open marriage. We both wanted it, but for me it was because I feel I met my soul mate. We have started a business too. I am so confused by my soul mate situation. I think that maybe soul mates don't necessarily mean they are the one for you -as in life partner. I think they can be in your life forever as special treasured people. I think we all grow up with this kind of conditioning that makes us think that a soul mate can be your only true love. The only main issue is that I physically need to be close to my soul mate. Its not just lusty stuff- thats the least of it actually, I just need to hold him, be in his arms feel our souls swirling... sort of communicate in a different way. This is how I have come to find a kind of peace to the situation.

    I have started a blog of all the messages I send him....

  • Hmm. Interesting scenerio Whitetara1.

    A marriage that has lost it's luster is definitely not uncommon. The love and commitment to the children is probably what holds it in place, but that does nothing for your own well-being or "shining light" so-to-speak.

    It's great you have found someone else in your life that can make you "shine" and reawaken that part of you that makes you feel truly alive. That you can share time and energy with one another and feel that beauty and "love" that flows between you. I do know that there is nothing that rivals that exchange.

    But when it comes to true "soulmates", I'm thinking it has to be a mutual feeling. Though you do share this exchange, which created a wonderful bond and very beautiful and powerful flow of energy. There's no doubt that you both love that. But by his own admission, what you give to him which I'm sure he finds wonderful and strong, is not as mutual as all you feel of him.

    He has stated that he does not love you, which I assume means you've expressed yourself to him and discussed this wonderful energy that you do share. He also has a girlfriend which it appears he is not interested in giving up.

    Time will tell if you are truly destined to be together. It is possible that he is resistant and is not ready to give into this energy and bond that you share. Or it is possible that it is already what he wants it to be.

    My advice is for the time being to enjoy what you share for what it currently is. It is a wonderful and a powerful bond of beauty and energy. It makes you feel alive. If it never progresses past that, is that so bad? Over time, that bond may grow to the point where his desires are the same as yours. Or it may not. Time will tell. Until then, why don't you take it for what it currently is and enjoy the experience?

    If you are destined to be fully together, then you will be. There is no sense in trying to rush things or bend things. Your destiny is never late and never rushes, it gets there at the exact time that it is supposed to.

  • ...I'll also add this. I would treat your marriage issues as a separate issue. If you are unhappy with your marriage and it is reaching a "crisis point", then perhaps you should address that issues more openly with your husband. I don't know your full situation, but perhaps it is time to be more open and honest with each other and start talking about it openly and truthfully. Start talking about the unmentionable things that is in the back of both of your minds. The things you actually already know but will not mention or perhaps admit. Perhaps there is still happiness to be found or restored there, or perhaps it is time for things to change. It is possible that an open discussion can lead to greater happiness for both of you.

    But that is something only you can determine. Think very carefully about whether you are prepared for the consequences before you start opening that pandora's box.

    Just my thoughts from soul to another. I do hope that all works out the best for you. My opinion has always been if you are unhappy with something, then try to figure out a way to improve it.

  • This guy is not committed to anyone. It's bad enough if the situation isn't working. But if he tells you there is someone else in his life, let it be.

    I had a situation where a guy 22 years younger followed me everywhere, knew my schedule etc. It was really more like a stalking. Anyway, I choose not to do anything. He made comments, suggestions. I blew him off. He was very good looking and he helped my ego. He also had a girlfriend and a baby. I later took a job elsewhere. I heard his girlfriend left him. Probably a smart move on her part.

    Good things will come. Starting a business is great good luck. I think I would change partners. He may make one of his friends co-partners.

    Too many scenarios in this one. I like to keep things simple.

  • I agree the feeling should be mutual, however, some guys don't recognize feelings until its too late. Try asking his soul in a quiet moment - does he love you, can his soul hear you, what should you do? I asked these questions in a silent head to head and got the answers very clearly, at the time it contradicted his words (although he admitted a special bond), so patience and love and now finally...........

  • All of the comments are very interesting regarding your situation, but think about how your business partner makes you feel when you are with him. It probably isn't so much that you are madly in love with him or he is your soul mate, but you LOVE the way you feel when you are with him because you can be yourself. I have been married to my soulmate for 8 beautiful years. We got married 3 months after we met and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was a single parent for 13 yrs. raising my daughter by myself. She was 13 yrs.old when we met & married and he accepted us, loved us, and never tried to change either of us. He encouraged us in our pursuits and loved my daughter as if she were his. I think when you meet your soul mate you will know it because everything simply falls into place. It's effortless!! That is how it should be. If you are struggling with someone returning your feelings, stop and move on. When you are truely with your soul mate, you won't be looking for someone else to fill a void in your life, because there are no voids. He fills your every need!!! He will be your best friend.

  • That was beautiful.

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