Confused,scared and really pessimistic about myself

  • Well as my story goes..I have been a person who always been the idealist romantic waiting for a prince charming to sweep me off my feet.

    I finally found the guy I always an year ago.Although we had a couple of trust issues in the past.We made it through and I cant imagine myself being with anyone else than him. The trust issues had come up because I have been a girl whose always nice to everyone,kinda simple minded,naive..more like a people pleaser.I dont know how to set up boundaries due to guys would take undue advantage or would start flirting which pissed off my bf. At one point we broke up after 6 months because he misunderstood me for some kind of player. We eventually got back together when he realised I wasnt as he thought. I promised to work on myself and gradually improved to being a bit wiser and make new friends.We grew to love each other a lot..and he supported me and helped me on my road to improvement and gain a higher self esteem.

    Later on my bf had got himself in a major financial problem..I had given up on my savings to help him off as I could.He also sold his stuff and laptop to clear his dues.But sadly it wasnt enough.

    I did something unthinkable I betrayed the confidence of my loved ones at home to help him in need.

    I couldnt bear him seeing in the state he was. I had to lie because I know they could never understand what was the truth behind it. I tried to help my bf sacrificing myself and causing myself to fall in debt. My parents eventually came to know I was in debt and help me out.All this time I never told my bf how I had helped him. He is pretty strict when it comes to his pride he would never want to borrow or take help from me.But the situation had become so worse..that he had decided he would rather end his life.Thats what hit my heart..I just wanted to see him the happy cheerful self even it meant I had to endure pain for a long time.

    Now a year and half has bf had to eventually leave the country.I had visited him during my vacations it was a moment of bliss but we had painfully parted because we knew we would miss each other a lot.The long distance maybe caused our love to get even stronger than before.

    Now suddenly my parents have decided they want me to get married and have already gotten started with searching suitable suitors against my wishes.

    My mom said she couldnt wait for my bf to come up and marry me.She doesnt trust anyone in this world she believes there is no such thing as love.

    I wanted to tell my bf the problem going on at home. But the night I called him to talk about it..that very night his father passed away.He was only 55. His family had been in a state of shock.

    My bf was crying bitterly on the phone..when I called and I broke down too thinking of the great pain he must be in.I tried to console and comfort him.

    All the time I was thinking in my mind..that I had prayed to God every night to ease his difficulties and hardships..but what was this? taking away his father?

    Meanwhile my parents have been adamant on their decision..I havent got much time left (maybe 1 year) till they force me to marry some guy. They believe I am too naive to think for myself.

    I have been in tears the past few weeks.I dont know what to do.I feel trapped on one side my bf is suffering I cant tell him about the problem on the other side the mounting pressure my parents are putting on me.

    At one point I even got suicidal that if I cant marry the person I love its better that I just kill myself. I have tried to calm down a bit but somehow I cant get the negative feelings out that my bf and I will never be able to get married soon.

    At his home there is another issue that he cant marry me until his elder brothers are married off.

    With all this problems and issues cropping up surrounding our union I have gotten disheartened and scared that maybe God doesnt want us to be together..ever since our relationship started there have been trials and dangers of him being sent away or me being sent away..even though we want to stay together.

    Whenever I told about my thoughts and fears to my bf in the past he would calm me down and said that I should think positively and nothing bad would happen because we truly love each other.

    But now I know I should be strong in the face of difficulties..but i am all alone..he is grieving..I wish I could get a certain hint or a clue of what fate has instored for me..I am scared of the uncertainity..of the pain that I would suffer and he would suffer..if we were seperated forever 😞

    I'd appreciate any advice into this matter.Blessings to All.

  • You both must face the question of whther to please your families or please yourselves. Is your love stronger than your traditions? Why not defy your parents and run away together if you love each other that much? This is a modern world, after all. You have a year to get your money together and make a plan.

    Tell me your birthdates and I will tell you if you are truly compatible.

  • birth date is 1st october 1990

    and his is 26 september 1988

  • A love affair or marriage here can be highly romantic, yet at the same time not entirely serious. Thus, there is a kind of healthy self-consciousness at work that alerts the relationship to its own pretense. Both of you are realistic enough not to kid each other, but occasionally you get carried away with your own dramas. One of you, seeing the other shed tears, may have trouble controlling his or her own emotions. But keeping your sense of humour - while not going to the opposite extreme of laughing at the other person's problems - is important. Sometimes there can be a mocking edge to your words or in the tone with which they are delivered that could indicate irony, sarcasm or a double meaning. The main energy of this relationship in fact goes into wordplay and intellectual activities. Keep any negativity under control and look for the best in things. Enjoy life without critical examination or comment.

    Both of you are Librans, so in this relationship your strengths and weaknesses are doubled. Your charm, fairness, and diplomacy is two-fold but so is your indecision, timidity, and argumentativeness. One or both of you will have to take decisive action if you are to be together. Librans tend to want to fit in, to pretend, to blend like a chameleon into the world and not upset the harmony. You two do need to be loved - you're just not sure if you want to be loved by just one person or humanity at large. You swing back and forth between intimacy and social involvement, hoping to be caught by a commitment that totally grabs you but always evading capture at the last moment. It may be the drama of your romance that excites you rather than the actual act of commitment. You must both be very sure of your relationship before you take any radical steps to be together and possibly cutting yourselves off from your families. Once you are together without any dramas, life may become rather boring and routine.

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