Relationship RED FLAGS...what we need to pay attention to
OK-I am in on this one because the best advice I ever got about guys WAS FROM A GUY. He said a guy will do or say ANYTHING to get what he wants from you. This may not apply to ALL guys, but it sure does apply to quite a few. All things being fair, i've seen some pretty slick moves from girls on the prowl as well.
Hi, So, I guess the difference is between WANTING or NEEDING. Some guys WANT sex but don't NEED you. If you think about it long enough, yuk! Some might say it's becoming a throw-away society. I have a friend that I meet almost everyday after work at my favorite restaurant. He's an artist, has his own business. He's about 17 yrs. older than I. He shares his knowledge about art w/me, we talk about the universe, religion etc. He also has a girlfriend. Am I attracted to him, no. Does he make overtures, yes. I just tell him I'm happy being friends. I have another friend that tells me that he met someone new and wants to be intimate w/her. I said, do you love her--not really. Anyway, I explain the consequences involved in not getting to know someone and the expectation that this relationship would require. I actually realized that probably nobody in his life has talked w/him before about this. And I think he actually listened and took my advice.
Red Flags when meeting men are:
1. He inserts you into every aspect of his life but seems to have a hidden life part of the time
2. He is very quiet on first meeting you and makes you feel uncomfortable because it is like
he is almost wanting you to make a mistake while he has you squirming to keep the conver-
3. He agrees with everything you say and wants to do everything you say you want to do,
almost immediatley after you say it and then has a convenient excuse each time to opt out
4. When you have an argument he always seems to wheedle out of any guilt or regret and
leaves you feeling like you were the cause of the problem, or
5. He pretends he agrees with the solution to your conflict, but then proceeds to do absolutely
nothing to make up or keep an agreement
6. Workaholism or excess time on hobbies takes precedence over you
7. You hardly touch and he dislikes touch or gives you heck for touching
RUN if you are dealing with ANY OF THESE scenarios!
Some further red flags:
-if he often wants you to pay everything instead of him, or insists that you should buy things for him or for both of you instead of him..
-he does not want to be responsible for his faults, sins
MORE RED FLAGS
He always need counseling
He's not happy with his life or career
Jealous of your success
ACTS as if he's better than you.
bottom line, he's very insecure and will eventually wear you down with his negativity.
I've talked to a guy who said that he traveled hundreds of miles to meet someone to have sex. He did confess that he would never do it again.
But men will do just about anything to get some, trust me.
I have met this new guy, a police officer and retired MP of the Marines. He's tall, handsome and intelligent. Only 1 daughter. He has taken me to lunch, walked over and brought me breakfast, calls me and talks for about an hr. Today, he's bringing lunch and eating with me, taking me to dinner and a movie tonight.
Whew! talking about moving fast....he is. Not sure what he really wants, but we will have that discussion around dinner time tonight. Can't be sure what he wants right now, but we shall see.
Should I be worried? I'm a scorpio female seeing a capricorn male. 7 yrs my senior. It started with just good long conversations about any and everything. When we met we both just got out of emotionally draining relationships. We both strive for personal space being we didn't have it in our relationships. We opted at being friends with benefits. Now, that a year has passed we seem inseperable to anyone that knows us. It's as if you can't get one without the other. Being a scorpio my friend status is ready to fade away (impatient), but my gut says wait a while. I've been getting the wifey treatement just no title. Does this mean I have now made a comfortable situation for him in which I would never benefit?
Hi, I've been in a relationship for almost two years now.. Yes, he rushed it very fast, soulmate, talked about getting pregnant, house, kids, ect ect...
Now, he doesn't say those things anymore. I feel like he's ignoring me half the time.
And sadly, I love him so much. I'm so sad to be with him and I'm so sad to be without him.
I don't know how to handle it. Ive been through this thing many times before, I'm 36 he's 27 ( pisces - if that matters ) and I'm wondering, where's all this "powerful dominating scorpio power" when I need it. I feel like the floundering fish out of water.
I see one major red flag
we woman often SELFSABOTAGE what culd become more. if we act toomuch of a pal we GET labelled a PAL. a FRIEND n nada else.
ivillage dot come has more on this subject.
b4 i leave ill say this, dont blame the guy 4 all wrong doings in what may b a relationship. we as women r as much to b blamed. so THERE!
TAKES 2 TO TANGO! N IF U DONT PULL URS HOW CAN ANY DEMAND HE SHOULD?
im off to study the ivillage dot com pages lol
Sorry to say that many men, especially of my generation, are just overgrown boys. Boys like to play and not take responsibility for their actions. If you want to be a mommy and whip them into shape, fine. But if you want an open, honest and balanced relationship--keep dreaming. Miracles do happen, I guess.
Dont date married, is the worst
Great posts! I just wanted to touch on the one where the man says he is too busy with work etc.
We had that issue pop up & he really was busy with work....but I wasn't having it! I told him that if he was too busy than we should end it. Let me tell you how quick he rearranged his work schedule to make more time to be with me! If they really want to be with you nothing could stop them.
Ladies I have read the best book ever and HIGHLY recommend it to all women. Its called 'Why Men Love B*#ches: From Doormat to DreamgirL- a womans guide to holding her own in a Relationship written by Sherry Argov
I have actually bought copies as gifts for some of my friends and they love it too!
There are no golden rules to every situation, but in general, the best advice I have to offer from my own experience is this: 1). Be patient!!! (Guys are much slower to think "long-term" relationship), 2). Let him call you, and don't sit around waiting for him to call, 3). Don't analyze what he does and doesn't do (because it will drive you crazy and you will likely be wrong), 4). Go with the flow (pressure on a guy for a commitment - doesn't work), 5). Be fun and happy, and put yourself first (Guys hate drama, and they like fun, confident women).
When you meet the right guy, you'll have a chemistry that neither of you can deny. The relationship should be relaxed and fun. Don't start with a bunch of expectations. Keep in mind that you will be fine no matter what happens. And remember, it's OK to be alone sometimes!
I am running out today to buy the book Why Men Love B%%$^ches.
I am sorry but I can not get but four pages of this forum. the rest do not let me click on them,,,help!!
Now about men... ARE THEY DRINKING??
ANY and all men, females too, that drink every day or too much every week end......
CAN NOT be intimate and you are setting your self up for heat break if you try to think this is not true.
In some of what I have read in here, I believe some are having this issue and the ladies are not aware of it.
I am very energetic and seem to find men who are more laid back than myself as they tend to slow me down a bit, which I do need to do. THEN, the secrets come out, like catching them drinking, hiding it in the shed, car, trash can out side, or where ever they think you will not look.
RED FLAG: making phone calls when you are busy with something and they do not want you to know.
Red Flag: They can not look into your eyes, means they can not establish the intimacy you want,need and deserve.
Red Flag: The biggest one ladies is YOU NOT setting your standards and sticking to them!
That man will not leave you if you because you hold true to you. He will if you do not or you will find yourself putting him out.
TWO BOOKS Struggle for intimacy and Act like a lady but think like a man.
Don't make a guy your priority when you're only his option. I read that recently, but had to learn that the hard way, and missed out on opportunities and lost friends because of it. For some reason, when a partner starts giving less and less, some people just give more and more, I guess to make amends. Don't do it.
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