Relationship RED FLAGS...what we need to pay attention to



  • I believe that most women are tired of getting thier hearts stomped on. What can we say about past experiences that can help us determine if a guy is long term relationship material. We must start doing the upfront work, yes maybe fewer suitors...but we can keep our hearts intact.

    I have a few things I've noticed about guys who never hung around long...

    1. He makes statements about future activities when just meeting you

    2. He never asks questions about you and your life

    3. He's in the middle of a separation, or divorce

    4. talks about sex all the time

    5. they call you, but have no conversation

    what can anyone else share?



  • One big red flag is ... When they tell you they only want to be friends or say you are such a good friend. Believe me they really mean it. Dont think you are going to change thier mind.



  • GREAT!

    Women, men are at their most truthfulness when you first meet them. You must properly couch the questions in a "I don't care attitude" when you want to know what it is he really wants.

    So if you want a long term meaningful relationship, then he would not be the one. Approach at your own risk.....but then don't come a crying when he dumps you....listen, listen, listen. It is not time to go into FANTASY LAND...hearing what we want to hear. Its just like he said it.

    Has anyone read " Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus" A good book on communications with the opposite sex. Well worth the read.



  • How about when he starts out calling you all the time and then all the sudden the phone calls stop coming....he's inconsistent someone else has his attention now.



  • Great post Ms. Bull and perfect timing! It is Spring season and a lot of guys are in Spring fling mode. Ladies, just make sure that if you are seeking a relationship, he is too! Men often TELL us their intentions, we just don't listen. Don't be afraid to ask questions early!



  • Another big red flag : if a man says that he is so busy with his work/business that he hardly has time for calling/meeting you......

    (this is now happening with me, and I think he is not honest with me, and maybe I should end our relationship...it is very difficult for me, as I still love him.....I asked tarot: made some tarot reading on his intentions, and all of them said, that he still wants me and needs me, so I do not know what to do)



  • I can appreciate astrology, but I cannot allow it to go against my gut instinct. Infact, If I were to be totally honest, none of the stuff from astrology was ever was right on point.

    If you want to keep your self esteem intact, break up with him first and leave him holding the emotional garbage bag.

    Don't even lie too yourself, a man is never too busy for the woman he wants( he was not too busy when he was trying to hit it the first time) . OR you should stop being so available or you will be sorry.

    If you going to stick it out, the best thing to do is get him to chase u, don't let him have it when ever he wants it...you gotta keep the chase going or they lose interest.

    too busy is never a good sign.

    Just my opn.

    Remember "FANTASY LAND", seeing things as they really are not what we want it to be.



  • WE MUST KNOW WHAT WE WANT....if we want a long term relationships, do not sleep with men who only want to be FRIENDS. Most Women, and there are exception tothe rules, cannot continue to sleep with men without getting attached spiritually. We take him into our hearts and then we have to go through all the hurt and pain of detaching.

    SAY NO TO THE P, it no longer has a voice. Unless you just in it for the sex, then I say by almeans go for it. BUT JUST KNOW he's only in it for the benefit of your company, sex, without any accountability to you what so ever.



  • I'd say that if a man is willing to wine you and dine you....ie actually take you out on a date and be seen out and about with you ...then he is boyfriend/long term potential.

    My friend had a "relationship" with a man for 2 years....he used to cycle to her house after the pub had shut for some "loving" in the early hours every weekend. That was the only contact she had with him!! He unfortunately died of cancer recently aged 36 but my mate grieved but apart from me, no one had realised their intimate connection in the recent past. Tragic.



  • Hi, I would say, Keep your own life. In other words, don't change or make drastic changes. If he doesn't like you for you then move ahead. Don't change friends. If there isn't trust, then it won't last (might be dangerous.) I agree--guys will drop hints sometimes from the beginning. If your unsure, don't dwell on the obvious. Read between the lines. I don't think anyone male or female really wants someone to move right in, so to speak. Don't have thoughts of forever after a couple of weeks. I feel suffocated if someone moves too fast.



  • What are other red flags we can look at,

    1. Are you happy

    2. Are you getting your needs met?

    3. Are you satisfied with you know what?



  • Great Point...

    MOVING TOO FAST,, most time when they move fast getting in, they will move fast getting out.

    I think that they are really being deceptive when they move quickly.



  • Here is a senerio that I experienced in dating a couple of days ago. A guy who has been persuing me for about three months finally caught my attention, I am very busy. We dated for about two weeks. As we dated I asked him all the prelimenary questions, the answers were always vague, not specific to who I am. I also asked him some questions about the last woman he dated, again I got vague answers. Two nights ago, I asked him about his last dealings with a woman and he said that he just lost interest in her. So...I asked did he let the woman know that he lost interest or did he just stop taking her calls, he stated he just deleted her number, COLD TURKEY!!!! He also stated that he had a woman that he communicated with back home (we live in Atlanta, he moved from New Jersey). He stated that she is someone he likes but he didn't want to ask her to move because if things didn't work out, he would have to relocate her and him.

    I say all of this to say that this guy is looking for someone to warm his bed and occupy his time. He is emotionally unavailable. I ended it, then and there. Men can do this, wine and dine a woman but have absolutely NO intentions of seriously dating you. They also can move to another city and be totally in love with you but still not be with you because it is not in there best interest (kinda like Maxwell's new song "Pretty Wings". Men are funny and we women have to learn not to take what they do personally. Sometimes they make decisions that have absolutely NOTHING to do with us! OR they realize there intentions before you do and move on. So learn the lesson, watch what the DO not some much what they SAY!



  • Hi, This is a don't do for me--following. Especially out of state. Don't care if he really wants you w/him. The only way I would consider this is if I had a solid job offer somewhere else or job transfer (job transfer sounds better.) Another, living around his family. To me, it's real important not to HAVE to change for someone else. You know, there's always stories where it did work out in any scenario but this would be my advice to anyone. Find the work you enjoy and the location you want to live in and this usually solves a lot of problems.



  • I wish someone would have warned me about these red flags 10 years ago. I've been with this man who always said he loved me and weve tried to break up many times, but I guess we never had the guts. Now every day we say we want to get married ( mind you weve been together for ten years) But he has never proposed, even when I was carrying his child. Now I dont want to back out just because I want to proove everyone wrong. I am paying a serious price. Now my daughter is too.



  • MORE RED FLAGS

    1. Watch what they don't say ( vagueness)

    2. The inability to be responsible for one's actions towards others ( cold heartedness)

    3. He lives in another STATE ( could be married, who knows)

    4. Guys are hunters', they love the chase, but it doesn't mean he's interested in a long term relationship. They will give a little attention to get what they want from you.



  • I think another red flag is when they talk about their ex's. Also if they cannot remember your birthday or something important like that. After 5 years off and on with this man and he still couldn't get it straight. It just wasn't important to him to get it straight = he just didn't care about me.



  • yes that is so true men are a bunch of bull**** theses days and i know for a fact . iam sick of them and there stuff. All men want to do is f*** u and roll.Not me..........they can hit the road jack.



  • so true bc I had this guy who would not stop nomatter how much I said no, and when i said yes he hit and ran quick.



  • MORE RED FLAGS

    1. He talks about his ex (still in love with wife)

    2)Does not make an effort to remember significant days (birthdays, anniver, etc.,)

    1. Hit and quit it. ( begs you to death for some, but desires to relate, but does not want relationship)