Broken hearted after loss of only child...

  • Ahliyah

    Thank you so much for including us in your prayer circle. Prayer is a powerful thing the we firmly beleive in.

    I am curious as to what a "lightworker" working in the 12th ray is? If you would be so gracious to explain this to me.

    Again thank you and blessings to you!

  • Dearest Penultieme

    I haven't seen you on this forum in awhile; although I've not been on much either. Hope all is well with you.

    I have the information you requested yet I'm not real sure how to go about posting it securely. I guess faith will protect.

    Also, I did the cerimony for Divine Happiness. But I would like to do this with you. My time zone is Central time. I live in Prague, Oklahoma about 40 miles east of Oklahoma City. 20 miles NE of Shawnee.

    I have many questions for you about Divination whereas you seem very knowledgeable. Your comments and advice have been very helpfull. I will post my mailing address and we can go from there. ? Am I allowed to include my name and mailing address on here ?

    Hope to hear from you again real soon!

  • Dearest luana1

    First let me say how sorry I am that you lost your young son too! I feel for you!!!!

    Sometimes I think I'm doing okay and then WHAM it's like a 2 ton rock falls on me. It's an enternal burden. Heaviness in my heart and chest, I get quiet and reserved even amongst my friends, want to isolate myself. I try to stay busy and positive and think only of the good things about my son and it creeps up on me. Most of the time now when I start feeling like this I have to stop and lookm at the calender and it explains it all to me because it seems when this hits me even when I haven't noticed the's enternal. Just like the other day, a friend and I went to Oklahoma City and I got that heavy feeling that morning on the way. She asked me what was wrong with me and I couldn't expain it. I kept saying I don't know but I just feel like I'm about to start crying. HEAVY HEART!! Then we were taking care of some paperwork and I noticed the date...It was the day I said good-bye to Chris in ICU an yesterday he gave his organs and soft tissue 8 months ago as a gift of life to others.

    I feel like I'm doing better and not sure what is normal but it hits me hard between the day he had the accident November 6th and the day of the funeral November 15th. I guess what surprised me is that I never even realized the dates until I felt it on the inside of me.

    I will keep you in my prayers! Thank you for your response. I hope you continue to manage through your loss. I do understand how hard it is.


  • Dear PiscesPiggy

    Haven't seen you on this forum in awhile. But, I have read some of your poetry on another forum. Good stuff!!!!

    I would like to thank you Chris for all your kind and heartfelt responses. Care and blessing sent your way.


  • Dearest Roseie

    I can feel in your tender words that after 28 years you have found some peace and joy along the way. That too I am praying for!

    I understand your loss and my heart goes out to you as well. It seems that to lose our babies so young that life gets cheated because of all the possibilities they could have brought to this world. I know that my son was a good young man. He loved and worshiped God, never had an interest in alcohol or drugs, respected women, and loved deeply. I tried to instill the se things into him because of the way I see young people today...having no respect for others or self.

    I would like to hear from you again if you come back to the forum. Until then, prayers and blessing are sent your way!


  • DevineEvanescence

    OMG! I missed one of your last replies before I posted to you last. HOW ARE YOU? Is your husband still hanging on, in the hospital, home or what?

    I know how Mother-in-Laws can be. But, I agree with is supposed to be his wishes carried through. I can understand a little that she would want to have a part of him with her BUT if thats not his choice then she will have to live with it. OH DEAR ARE you holding up okay? Ya'll have been in my prayers! I hope this doesn't sound bad in any way. But, I do so pray as we talked before that your last days together be those of cherishable memories and not agony!

    Please let me know how you are and your situation. AND you cry when you want to and if I can help just let me know.

    Your kindness toward me and giving toward Chris's Headstone during this time for you is very heartfelt!!!!! I think you have enough on your plate right now! Go make some memories and we will look at this other later.

    Oh by the way. I used to use LiveLoveLaugh as one of my email addresses. I really liked that you use it often.

    Take care and know you and your family are being craddled in God's arms.

    Love, care, and blessings!


  • Dear Angel64

    Sorry it took me so long to reply. Your words were felt deeply in my heart because I can still feel your pain through your words. I know this month will be hard for you and I am here and checking the forum often if you need to talk.

    I agree with you that God is in control and our boys are in a much better place. But, it doesn't take away all the pain we are left to endure since we miss them so terribly. I do understand!!

    You know, the word says that God will never put on us more than we can bare. Well, early in my grief I battled with God asking if he thought I was some kind of weight lifter or something!!! I never felt any pain as I did when my son died. NO COMPARISON!!

    I hope your journey is getting better. I know for me, things are a little better or easier, never really understood either one of these in this case as to which one to say. But my point is, I don't cry all day everyday like I did. I can get out of my bed to face another day more times than not. I am able to laugh with friends. I do still feel an eternal pain each month from the 6th through the 15th but at least it doesn't feel as though I am literally having a heart attack. I am able to praise God again and not yell at him for taking my son...although I still feel it was unfair. So, I guess all-in-all I am doing better. And I do pray for peace and happiness for as long as I am on this earth because I will see my son again someday.

    I was so glad to hear that your son was a donor. Was that his choice? Or did you have to make that decision? I will also pray that you will meet your son's heart recipient. Have you had any contact with any of them yet? I have only had direct contact with Chris' lung recipient and his wife. They seem to be very spritual and full of life. But, he is back in the hospital with pneunomia. They told me this time has been the worst so far but that they have had several great months of bicycling, ballroom dancing, and time with family. He even got to walk his daughter down the isle to be married...Praise God! If you have read any of my other posts you will see that I am requesting prayer for him and all the others as well. I hope to get an update on them soon (the other four organ recipients).

    Can I make a suggestion to you my dear? Read through the postings here and look for Penultieme's information on Universal Happiness. You might reply to her and have her do this with you. I beleive in the power of prayer where two or more agree, right? Maybe this will help you too!

    Let me know how you are doing this month and know you are in my prayers.


  • Okay, here we go I will try this and see if they allow me to post my mailing address. I'm also on the smiley face with s. (only) and _ (instead of dash). Good luck! And thanks to all of you for your kindness and your contribution towards Chris' Headstone. I promise it will be beautiful! Your kindness will be rewarded to you one-hundred fold.

    Sherry Hillbolt-Koonce, 2216 NBU, Prague, OK 74864

  • Dear TrueGem63 -

    Can I ask you how far away are you from Ft. Smith,Arkansas - If so I might have a job that you would be interested in! I am currently taking some time off, my husband is not doing very well, we have hospice for him but just trying to spend every moment that we have together

  • Thanks Trugem63

    I have been around but not on forum much. I am glad you like my poetry, I saw your comments on that stream as well. I was going through hard times emotionally but have never lost my belief albeit I find formal religion hard to follow.

    My poetry at the time was what I was feeling and if sharing them on here can help in anyone in anyway then I am glad.

    Look after yourself

    Love Chris (PP)

  • Dear DevineEvanescence

    I am sorry to hear that you are facing tough times with your husband. How is it going with his mother now? Is he home now? I can understand you wanting to take time off to be with him. I wish I would've done more of that when my son was alive. If there is anything I can do please let me know.

    Unfortunately, I live almost in the center of Oklahoma. A long way from Ft. Smith, Arkansas. My folks still live in Oklahoma too so I would hate to relocate at this time.

    Please get in touch with me if you need to bend an ear. I am a great listener...a true Gemini ya know! lol.

    Take care and know you, your husband and family are in my thoughts and prayers.


  • Glad to see you back PiscesPiggy

    Yeah I enjoy reading your poetry. I used to write a little along time ago. Maybe I should try again someday? There is some really good stuff and talent on that thread.

    Hope life is treating you well! And thanks, I am doing the best I can to take care of myself! I do okay more days than not these days. Pressing onward!!!!



    Just wanted to give a quick update on things before I go out of town this weekend.

    We lost Chri's lung recipient, Dick, at 12:30 a.m. on the 16th. He had been in the hospital since 4th of July weekend and deteriorated from there until there was too much brain damage. I am requesting all you spiritual people to lift up this family and myself for it feel as though I just lst another part of my son.

    Evelyn, Dick's wife said they had absolutely no regrets in doing the transplant because once he recovered he had 3 1/2 wonderful months being like his old self again. He also got to fullfill his dream by walking his daughter down the isle before he past away.

    Thanks to all of you in advance. I will be back on Monday!


  • Information to those who have tried to email: there's not a space between two last names it is an underscore ( _ ). Please include your name from the thread in the subject box for me. Hope to hear from ya'll soon.

  • TrueGem,

    Well I know your out of town this weekend, but I will pray for your son's recipient family, I am glad to hear that he had those 3 wonderful month's to fill like his old self again. Out of the 6 yrs that my husband has been battling his cancer he had been in remission only for a year but I can remember him acting like he was a teenager, he said he felt like a new man! Do you think there was a possibility that Chris recipient was prepairing to do the things that he needed or wanted to do before saying good bye? Kinda like the country song, "Live Life like you are dieing" I am glad that he got to walk his daughter down the isle, That's one thing that bother's me about my husband's situation but, on the positive side "I know he will be there in spirit" alway's and you know the other day, He told me that he hopes that I will be able to move on with my life and to be able to find someone who will love me like he does and will be good for our kid's. He know's that it will be hard for me, but he wanted me to know that! Wow, that took a whole lotta puff's tissue's. So, I'll leave at this note, but not for long because life does go on no matter what, and we still need to ...LOVE,LAUGH,LIVE often...because life's too short not too

  • Dearest DeveinEvanescence

    Tears came to my eyes as I read your note today! Wow, What a man of great compassion and courage to tell you that he hopes you move on. I agree that he will always be with you and the children in spirit. I hope you find the strength to make it through one more day.

    The funeral for Dick is today at 11:00 a.m. and i have been dealing with some grief over him as well. Not nearly as bad as I have with my son of course but a part of my son also died with him. I do think that he was given this second chance to complete some things that needed to be done and allowing time to get things in order. For that I am forever grateful! But I sure had prayed for a long prosporous life for him. But I must remember that it's Gods plan not mine.

    I look forward to hearing from you again soon. We seem to be the only one's left on here these days, lol. Go make beutiful memories the best you can today sweetie! I willl be thinking of you and your family.

  • I am a single mother of 3, my last child was a gift as well, after suffering from endometriosis (I'm 27) and was also told that I couldn't have any more children. I was living in a awful environment with all 3 kids bio-father, ("sperm donor" more like it) and was horribly abused while living there, and once I found out that I was pregnant with a 3rd child. I had just enough strength to get my kids out of there. I still have all 3 but to loose a child is every mother/parents' worst nightmare, my heart aches for you. It's hard to feel whole once a part of you is lost. All I can think to say is it seems like many of these replies are encouraging and sharing with you, so at least you know that you are not alone and people care. I don't know if you attend support groups or not, but I do for various things and found that a community of people who understand what you are going through, I mean really really understand can really promote healing! Good luck to you! Peace be with you

  • Dear Shroudedheart4426

    Thanks for sharing! I am so glad you got out of the abusive relationship with your children! I always tell my friends when they get discouraged or ticked at their children, "wrap 'em up and love 'em every chance you get and don't sweat the small stuff cuz ya just don't know how long you're gonna get to keep 'em". So, I'm glad you got the kids away and out of that relationship. I know it's hard to raise children and being single doing it. But, it's better than the horrific enviornment you were in right? I was there once too! matter of fact it was with my son's sperm donor. I was 51/2 months pregnant and he beat and kicked me trying to make me loose my baby. That's when i left and never looked back. To the day my son died, his bio-father had never seen him because I was affraid to let him see Chris.

    You are right about "worst nightmare". There's no words to describe the pain I felt after loosing my only child. I have managed to pull myself together enough that I dont cry all day everyday. But, beleive me when I say that I still have moments and I think that's okay. I miss him so much!

    Stay in touch!



    When one door more opens, right?

    Well as most of you know we lost my son's lung recipient last week, Thursday. Then on Saturday I recieved a letter from his liver recipient. He is doing very well and asks that we meet. So, I will begin that process with our coordinators. What a blessing! He is from Oklahoma too so it should'nt be as hard to get together. I am sincerely looking forward to it!

    Many Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and prayers; they are being answered!


  • Wow!!!! I just received a generous donation for Chris's Headstone from DevineEvanescence.

    I cannot tell you how touched I am by this gift! A complete stranger giving of ones self like this is just mind blowing to me. I know you will be blessed 100 fold my friend. Especially knowing what she is going through. I am going to open a "Memorial to Chris" funds account to put this generous gift in an begin to build upon it. With hopes to have a headstone soon!

    THANK YOU DevineEvanescence! Can you believe I'm at a loss for! Just can't seem to find the right words to tell you how grateful I am to you.


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