Broken hearted after loss of only child...

  • Hi TrueGem63,

    My thoughts and heart go out to you and your family. Hope you have started on the long road to recovery.

    My name is Chris as well.... x

  • Dear Imjarsmom:

    Wow! Thank you for sharing and I'm so sorry to hear about your son. It's been 7 1/2 months now and I try not to live in the past but sometimes its impossible to not think about it. Your words have encouraged me in that realizing how long it truly may take to mend my broken heart. I have never experienced such true and physical pain such as this. At times I felt as though I was literally having a heart attack.

    One thing that has seemed to help is that my son Chris was an eye, tissue and organ donor. I have nnot had any recent reports on all the recipients but finally recieved a letter from Chris' lung recipient and wife. That was such a blessing to me words cannot describe the comfort in knowing that others live on because of my son's gift of life to them. I'm praying that the other four recipients will also make contact with me as well since it does give me something positive to think about when I get sad.

    Thanks for sharing and I too will keep you in my prayers.

  • Dear penultieme:

    I truly enjoyed reading your reply. Sorry about your son; to leave this earth so young just doesn't seem right. But, I realize God has a plan and it's much bigger than any of our understanding.

    I will try the exercise and I believe I have been doing some of this in a way to get through each day. Changing negative to positive. I have always been an upbeat, smiling, positive person in my daily life and when Chris died I still try to continue this; but somedays it's harder than others. You mentioned collapsing...well I guess you could say that I did for a short period because I refused to get out of bed, leave the house, or answer the phone for a couple of weeks. It wasn't until I got angry about his death that I was able to get up and begin fighting again. I truly felt as though my whole world and reason for living was taken from me and therefore I had no reason to live. I litterally had a spiritual battle with God! I understand now that this is normal and that God is a big God and understands me. I guess I do okay most of the time because me friends always say things like "I can't believe your handling things so well" or "I dont know hoe you can be so happy". But, that's the way I've have always tried to be and tried to my son the same. So like I said...somedays i's harder to "practice being happy" and most days not so hard.

    I don't like the cemetary thing either. I just don't feel him there; I know where he heaven not the cemetary. I did go to the cemetary and the wreck site on Memorial Day to clean the area and place some things at both places. I've not had the finances to get his headstone yet; that bothers me alot.

    You mentioned passing on to me the "Devine energies of Universal Happiness". I would like that very much. But, you would have to tell me what I need to do. I so desire to have peace within my innerself again!! Being a Gemini it's never seemed hard for me to have a balance until this. Let me know what to do and I will greatly accept your gift.

    Thank you for all your advice and I thank God for your "little Sunshine". I will keep you in my prayers as well.

  • Thanks so much PiscesPiggy for all your thoughts and prayers. I know it has been the God that has kept me going through the prayers of people like yourself. It brought a smile to me when you told me that your name is Chris too. Kind of ironic isn't it??

  • Please do not appologize to me for a long response; especially with your story you shared. My heart goes out to you and your family. I cannot imagine what it is like to begin each day wondering if this will be the last day you have to spend with your husband. I couldn't make it all the way through your story without tears as I read it. I do believe I understand your husband's decision to stop the therapy though...I had a loved one that said the therapy/chemo/treatments/meds/ etc. was just as hard to live with as the disease( cancer) itself.

    I just can't son died after three agonizing days in ICU at OU Trauma Center. He was kept in a drug induced coma so he never got to say good bye or even write anything and neither did I. It is still very hard for me because of the sudden loss because there were so many things we had planned to do together. But, on a positive note, I always lived by and taught my son to NEVER LEAVE WORDS UNSPOKEN. So each time we had to part for any reason we would hug and tell each other what we needed to ie, I love you bunches, bye for now, or as Chris would say when he needed to be macho when guys were around "I like tator tots" that his secret way of telling me he loved me. For this I am so grateful because we did say i love you before we left each other that morning. But who knew it was Good-bye?????

    I guess what I am trying to say is that I truly commend your husband for wanting to spend any an all of his last days with you and the boys. And I commend you for your strength you must have to support such a decision knowing it may shorten his life. I hope and pray your last days together are the best ever!! Try to remember NEVER LEAVE ANY WORDS UNSPOKEN...then there are fewer regrets.

    Thank you for sharing and keep writing to me if you wish. I would like to know how you and your family are doing. God bless! (hope you're not offended by this

    Dear TrueGem63 - I would like to thank you for your support, at first when we found I was an emotional wreck on wheels! I have evolved over the year's and become more spiritual over time, and haveing a better understanding of how my reaction's can effect our children. I want to thank you very much, You had me in tear's reading your reply. I try to let him know every day how much he is loved and how much he will be missed, every day...NOT LETTING ANY WORDS GO UNSPOKEN" sometimes I feal like it's hard being the one that has to take on so much which brings on stress. My husband read your comment and wanted me to tell you thank-you very much! And, that note being said

    live life like you are dying, leave no words unspoken, No regrets, theres only tommorrow

    Live,Laugh,Love Often..... Life is too short Not To!!!!!

  • True gem63

    I lost my middle son when he was 19, he would have been 28 now , you never get over but come to terms I find it helps to talk about him it keeps him alive for me, and as I belive in life in life after death, got me through , unless you have lost a child , no one can begine to understqnd how you feel my thoughts are with you. Luana

  • dear true gem, it seems like a life time ago,(1980) my daughter Rebbeca was born with a heart defect. She had 2 heart surggeries before she was 8 months old. after her last , i was told that thats all that could be done. To hold a child in your arms knowing that she would eventually leave you....she did, 4 mths. before her 1st bday. after my husband and i left the hospital he drove me home. as he opened the car door he said he was leaving me for another woman. he left. i can't descibe to you the loss i felt. but somehow during this time i never felt like i was completly alone. it's been years now(28) and i can honestly say that " this to shall pass" and your tears will be wiped away and joy will find a home in you. you are in my prayers!

    our treasures in heaven await. peace,love,&blessings rose

  • ~ Dear TrueGem63 ~

    Well, here is an update on our situation, I hate to sound all negative and I want everyone to understand that it is not my intention to be. But, my husband is barely hanging on he has come to term's w/his fear of death! His cancer has progressed in other part's of his body and now there are tumor's in his brain and along w/ thinning vein's. I am currently trying to get hospice set up, but he's being stubborn as alway's! And all tho I am sitting here crying, I am just happy to be able to tell and show him that he is loved before he passes. There's not a time limit or how many relative's can visit him, like ICU does! There's not a bunch of machine's going in and out of him, scareing our children half to death so they can't even comfortably visit with him! So, I can say in this hard time's that we are blessed for the thing's that we have! His mother is extremely mad because he has made his choice after fighting a long fight w/ the cancer for 6yrs! And I know that it makes me look like I don't care but that's way wrong, and my purpose is not to act greedy like his mother is acting. But only to honor what he want's in the end! Especially, that my husband specifically asked me not to be cremated ! And, his mother living over 1,400 miles away, want's to have him cremated and split his ashes in half, so she can take his ashes with her where she lives.This has made my husband so upset that he has done a last will intestement ***

    Loveing him,Laughing w-him, Liven like there's no tommorrow...... Life is too short not too, and were not promissed tommorrow!

    *- If you would allow me to get you info, in order for me to send you a check for a donation toward's your son's head stone?

    *- Also, I am asking other people if they would also donate a $1 or just what ever they can spare to help TrueGem63 get her son's head stone !!!!

    Live,Love,Laugh Often***Life way too short not too

  • I also lost my only child to a car accident, a foolish decision on the man that killed him. My son passed away July 06', then my Dad, 07', A sister and brother in 2000. My sister died as well by a drunken driver. It is devasting having to loose her that way, and know my son as well. As far as my son, he to had been a organ donor, his heart, someone received in March 06, liver, kidney, someone waitng since 05'. I had been blessed w/ my son in 85' which had been a hard deliver, finally had a C-section, lost a lot of blood I almost died. Had to have a partial hysterectomy, but I praise God I had the experience of raising a wonderful healthy son. I miss him dearly! Some day I want to meet the person that has his "heart', haven't gotten to that point yet. Life is a journey and I pray for anyone that has lost any family member. Yet for me, loosing my Son some days it's hard to wrap around that he is gone! My God is incontrol and I believe "there is a reason for all things that we go through". Someday I will see my Son again, though my heart longs for him here on Earth, he is in a much better place. May God give us strength to endure the journey that is brought before us, what ever that may be. Blessings ***

  • Dear TrueGem,

    Lovely to read your reply, and I feel relieved that you enjoyed reading my words. As an afterthought it seemed to me I was perhaps sounding like I was giving a lesson... I can read through your lines that you are so full of positive good will and energy. It is helping me too! I think you are an amazing person. I agree with Evanescence to contribute to your son's head stone. I can't give much but I'll be happy to help. Just let us know your account number... Don't think twice about it!

    As for the energies of Divine Universal Happiness all you have to do is receive. The most effective way is if we can set a moment for it, it takes only 10 mn of your time. I live in Brussels. Tell me which is the largest city next to you to coordinate time zones. Then you just need to be facing East, eyes open, hands open facing the sky, not specifically asking for anything, and after 10 mn you give grace to the God you believe in, God, Christ, Bouddha, any other one, as long as it respects your beliefs. Those who are not believers simply give grace to Life and it works the same. It is now 23:30 my time and I will do it anyhow tonight, for you and all the other parents in this forum who have lost a child, for them and these children because they need Universal Happiness probably even more than we do 🙂 So you see it's pretty easy.

    I'll do it for Evanescence's husband too.

    Much love to you and your family.

  • Dear Evanescence,

    Please read my latest reply to TrueGem for the details. Also for your husband, did you ever read about Silva mind control? I recently discovered the method and have not started it yet, but I read many testimonies of health improvement situations as extraordinary as tumors disappearing. It takes time and patience, generally a few months. If your husband does not have the energy to engage into this, other people around him including yourself can do it. for him The method costs $297. I don't gain anything in this; it is wrapped in a lot of marketing that could scare you off but I am convinced about the validity of the method, believing that the mind and the will can achieve anything. One little extra secret: to offer our efforts to Christ beforehand always, this is very important so that your good will is not being highjacked by negative forces. Well enough strange talk, or maybe a little more, as I was saying to TrueGem, I'm including your husband and your family in the request for "Universal Happiness". I hope you don't mind. Thanks for sharing your story and it's a great idea to propose to contribute for Chris's headstone. I'm following you.

    The very best of Life and Light to you...

  • Everyone,

    I just wanted to let you know how courageous, loving, and grace-full each of you are.

    I have a free prayer circle and though I don't know each of your names I've simply included "all posters" on this thread. I'm sad to say we're not permitted to post email addresses here, but I will keep each of you in my prayers. (every Friday, sundown)

    I'm a lightworker, working with the 12th ray.

    Blessed be, to each of you.



  • truegem63

    no I did not ask for your accnt number, what I was asking for, is to send you a check in the mail. I would never ask any one there accnt number. That is a risk of your info. getting into the wrong hands. As is it for someone else putting words into my mouth, just ignore please

  • Sorry I did not mean to offense; I live in Belgium where checks don't exist anymore, it's all electronic money so this is why I asked for an account number, which I think is safe. This is not like asking for a credit card number.

    It's up to you TrueGem...

  • Thanks so much for your compassion. I just want to encourage you to love your son's dog with all of your heart. He needs it now so much and I really think it will help you. Just tell him what happened and assume that he can understand. I am always amazed how much animals are in tune with us.

    ~May the Blessings Be.

  • ooh o.k. sorry !

  • To EVERYONE From TrueGem63:

    So sorry I have been away from my computer for several days and have missed so much good writings!

    As far as the donations; I am so very touched by all of your kindness. You see, when Chris died I didn't have life insurance on him yet; never thought we needed it at this time ya know! Therefore, the funeral expenses completely drained any savings I had and then some. So your acts of kindness to assist me in getting a headstone for my son is sooooo very kind!!!!!!

    I'm not really sure what I can put on here as far as any of my personal info. I have not had a checking account for several years; I use a debit card/credit card for all my transactions or simply by cash. There is a coded number for this card account but I would have to find out what it is. Can I put a mailing address on here? I know we're not supposed to provide emails.

    I cried when I read all of your postings. I'm not used to others being so kind and eager to reach out and help a stranger. My heart felt blessings go out to all of you.

    An update for ya'll: I have recieved a letter from my son's lung recipient and his wife. It was very emotional to read their letters but I can't tell you how rewarding and blessed I felt in the same. They have requested direct contact with me and I am pursuing that. The recipient is doing very well and back to his normal life once again. I felt the gratitude through their written words. I know too that my son's lungs will work strongly for him as long as he lives...since Chris was always so full of hot He loved to laugh, sing, somewhat athletic in such things as skateboarding and such and he played the tuba for H.S. band; that's why I know his lungs will do well!

    As for me, I had taken a leave of absence from my job and was struggling with my return since I work with juveniles at a detention center. Anyway, I recieved notice as of tuesday that I no longer had a job with them. So, I guess my prayers were answered for me but I'm a little unsure with what I am going to do. I guess if God closed that door then He will open another. Anyway, as a true Gemini I get a little set back every now and again but NEVER do I give up!!! But since all this news and having some major allergy issues going on I just haven't felt like getting on the computer. I assure each of you that I am back on and will try to reply to each of you individually within the next couple of days.

    Thank you all and blessings to you!

  • Dear TrueGem63

    We are so glad to hear the news you got from your son's donor recipient ! Wow as you may know that def. touches hom w/us! Several year's ago my husband would say "ooh, no If I die I'm leaving this earth with every peice of my body" Now he know's how much of a good thing it can be for someone such as his self, to recieve such a wonderful gift! The joy for you, will be to watch your son's donor recipient to go on and have a life, the one that your beloved wonderful son gave him! Now, for us just taking every day one step at a time! With Hope Love and Life

    Devine Evanescence

  • Dear Devine Evanescence

    It's been awhile since I've been on the forum, SORRY! Been taking care of business and have been so busy with seeking new employment. I'm looking at some type of career change since my sons death; for now anyway. Good jobs are somewhat scarce right now in Oklahoma.

    How are ya'll doing? I was glad to hear that your husband had a change of heart as to being a donor. I too have become a donor. I figure if my son can be that courageous then I can to.

    I have been talking with Evelyn, lung recipient Dick's wife, alot lately via email and phone. He is back in the hospital with pneumonia. They say this is typical because of the medications lowing immune system. But, Dick's breathing has deteriorated and it has the doctors baffled. So, I'm asking for all spiritual people to mention him and the other recipients if you would please. I am beleiving in complete recovery and plan to meet him someday. Evelyn is sending me some photos of Dick before and after the transplant...I'm so excited!

    I hope all is well with ya'll...I continue to pray for ya'll too. Keep me posted.

  • Dear WhiteFeatherEagle

    Sorry it has taken me so long to reply...been so busy!

    I appreciate your comments! I have been trying to spend a little more time with Mojo, Chris' Pug dog. I still don't let him in the house much because he searches endlessly for Chris. But I go out back and sit with all three of my boys (dogs). LOL...told you we love

    I've even considered moving to an apartment or a smaller house but most do not allow pets and I refuse to get rid of Mojo. The other two would be hard to part with but I could find them good homes but I just can't make myself even consider letting Mojo go. You know?

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